mfh Posted January 30, 2013 Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 January 30 is a day filled with wonderful memories. Each year it was set aside to celebrate and honor Bill's birth, his presence on this planet, in my life, in the lives of the many people his spirit touched over the years, and our life together. Sometimes we exchanged gifts. But we always spent the day together, even if that meant juggling our schedules so we did not go to work. He loved to eat out so we ate all three meals at three different restaurants...dinner at our favorite in Madison. A hike or drive in the afternoon, depending on the weather...January was always iffy. Bill's life was one of gift...his generous spirit lives on in my heart. His kindness is still my teacher. His warmth was loved and enjoyed by everyone who met him. So this day is bittersweet for me...my third now without him by my side (or is he?). I will do what I do on every birthday, every wedding anniversary and on the anniversary of his birth to eternal life. I will read some of his love poems and cards (exchanged every single month on the 22nd) for many many years...as well as many in between. I will light a candle, listen to Mahler's 5th -I think I might be able to do that and there will be tears and smiles, memories and gratitude. I put this pdf together as a birthday tribute to my love. birthday.pdf You might have to zoom in to read it easily. Thank you for sharing and caring, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted January 30, 2013 Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 Dearest Mary, What a beautiful, touching, heartfelt, loving tribute to your love! I am sure Bill's special day brings both smiles and tears. But you asked "or is he" by your side... I believe he is and will always be by your side. I am sorry it's another milestone with him no longer in this earthly life, but he will know what's in your heart for him... As I'm pretty certain he always knows. I will light a candle now for your dear Bill. Hugs and thanks for sharing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted January 30, 2013 Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 Mary, I wish you strength and happy memories on your beloved Bill's birthday. His lovely personality shines out of his photos. How lucky you were to have his love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted January 30, 2013 Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 Good Morning, dear Mary. You are in my heart today as you remember your dear Bill. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful tribute. It brought tears to my eyes. I so hope you will be able to listen to Mahler's 5th - what a huge step and how courageous of you if you can. I am with you in thought this day. I can't help but think that you just know that Bill is at your side. Love, Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted January 30, 2013 Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 Beautiful tribute my friend Mary, you are in my thoughts today. Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2013 Thank you all. I woke up in tears and they are flowing off and on so far today. I will settle in later (after the workers leave at 3) to read poems by my fire...though the studio is a royal mess as everything is off what was a book case piled everywhere. I also have some workmen in the garage putting a closet in that opens into my art room. I called them weeks ago and they said as soon as they finish the house they were building they would be here...well yesterday Eric came over, got the specs I had drawn up and they are sawing and hammering away out there. I had to grab them when I could or I could wait a long time...Eric is great. It will be done for the most part by Friday and painted next week. But it is not the quiet day I planned, though they are not IN the house. It is snowing hard today so I won't be driving anywhere. Schools are closed. Wind coming later to blow it all around. It is beautiful...every branch of every tree is dressed in white. The grass is buried and it is silent (except for the saws). Thank you for your posts. I am truly grateful. Peace and love Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 31, 2013 Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 I was thinking about you today, Mary, and wondering how your day was going. I didn't get any breaks at work today, even had to cancel my dental appt. as three people scheduled vacation at once and that doesn't leave anyone else to cover afternoons. I'd wanted to check in with you earlier today. So you were home today, stuck inside because of the snow. I hope you were at least able to enjoy the beauty and your fire. That's what I'm working on, trying to enjoy the winter a bit more instead of stressing over it...notice I say "working on"...I'll probably always stress some. It was easier when George was alive, I had a partner to help. Oh well, I pray God gives me strength to do what I need to.Oh Mary, I love your tribute, it's beautiful! And Bentley was such a cute pup! Last night I decided to put up the large portrait of George in my living room again, it took a while to find what I'd done with it, but I got it up, and decided to move the smaller one by my computer hutch so I can look at him while I work. It's a picture I really like of him but hate of me, so I try to focus on his face and ignore mine. I'd wanted to buy one of just him and he wouldn't let me, he didn't think it was any good without me in it, that's just how he was. But I wish I'd insisted harder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Thank you, Kay. My day was not what I planned but I rolled with it. The men working was a distraction and my art studio/meditation room is out of commission as they were back and forth between that and the garage. I knew if I did not let them start yesterday, I would have to wait an indefinite time for them to come back as they just finished building a house (yes in the below zero weather) and were going to start a next one after they take a vacation to a warm island on Wednesday. So that was going on in the background. A project I am working on...someone else is doing it actually...arrived and was not what I wanted so I had to deal with that and get it back...meant two trips to the Post Office in the snow but it is time sensitive. I waited until afternoon so the road would be plowed. It is just 6 short blocks..no big deal in my Subaru. I then read poems and looked at many pictures of our life in quiet and that was good. I could not sit by the fire as the art stuff is everywhere out there. Then a friend who I have not seen in months but who I totally enjoy stopped by (after calling) as her place of work closed early due to snow. She was here about 90 minutes but it was good. I can talk about Bill and she can talk about her stuff. GOOD friend. By now it is 5pm and I am as tired as a human being can be. Fell asleep two or three times in the chair and went to bed. Shakespeare had it right: "The best laid plans of mice and men. Go often askew." Gotta roll with it...a bit harder to do when those plans were our hopes and dreams with our beloveds. We got a bundle of snow and it is lovely. I get concerned about the weight on things that seem to bounce back but which also get damaged. Today, the guys just left...one will return to do the final sanding and tomorrow it gets painted and fixtures and Monday shelves so I know I will be putting my art studio back to order and can get on with my painting that I started the day before they showed up. I hope you get NO snow for a while, that your back gets a rest from shoveling, and that you can enjoy walks with Arlie. You are a good woman. I am woman, I can do anything, I am strong (strong), I am invincible (invincible)" .....and oh so tired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Hugs Mary. I'm glad you "rolled with it" on Bill's birthday. I'm glad you had a friend visit to chat with. Have I told you how amazing you are? Well, you are! Peace and love... And plz, stay warm and cozy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted February 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Thank you, Shannon, very much. I am happy to help and also receive support. We are all pretty amazing. Peace and rest, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted February 1, 2013 Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Dear Mary, What a wonderful tribute to your shared love, and to Bill. I'm glad you were able to "roll with the day" and and that your studio remodel is going well, also. And the snow, well, sometimes, those are the best days to just snug in and remember, aren't they? You are doing so well and so much. I am happy to hear of all the love in your heart, and I know that, yes, Bill is there with you, both in your heart and as a loving Angel always by your side. I know you didn't have the fire, but you were warmed by the memories, the photos, the poems, and all the wonderful love that still fills your heart and life. I am coming up on the first anniversary of Doug leaving, and I thank you for the wonderful ideas of how to celebrate the day. You are a wonderful, loving spirit to share so many feelings and rituals with others. Thank you. Much Love, feralfae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted February 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Thank you so much, feralfae. The new closet is done except for shelves going in on Monday...and a door. Today I wanted to paint so I dug through the mess, got out paper, paint, brushes and turned the kitchen table into my studio for the next three days. Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 3, 2013 Report Share Posted February 3, 2013 I hope you're enjoying painting, Mary! It's always nice tohave peace and quiet back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted February 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 3, 2013 I am painting! Thanks, Kay. I will be thinking of you as you approach the pile up at your office tomorrow. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumkin Posted February 5, 2013 Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 Mary, What a beautiful tribute to your Bill. You will always be wrapped up in each other's love. Brought tears to my eyes. Pumkin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted February 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2013 Dear Pumkin Thank you. I am so glad it touched you. Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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