LisaAnnB Posted February 12, 2013 Report Share Posted February 12, 2013 I was so proud of myself for getting a handle on my grief over Dad's death a couple months ago. But lately I'm mired down in deep sadness. Lots of tears every night & even at random times such as driving home. Music really sets me off-Dad & Mom loved it. My Mom is still alive but temporarily living with my sisters in Texas until we can decide what to do with her when she gets back north-she has dementia that is progressing quickly. I was a total Dad's girl & he was one of my best friends. I live less than an hour from Mom & Dad; have always lived within a couple hours so I could be in the state in case they needed me since the rest of my sisters live in Texas or Iowa. Even when Mom & Dad would spend winters in Texas I never was sad like this. #1. I knew they would both be back in March. #2 I had both of them. Now I have 1 left & sometimes with Moms' dementia it's like I don't have her either. My grief is all consuming the last few weeks & I HATE IT! I"m a 40-something woman who needs her parents & I really thought I'd be stronger than I am. I hide it all the time, even from my husband, so I don't worry him. And I have to hide it even from close friends because I actually had one tell me to "snap out of it & go get some happy pills. It's been 3 months already. Can't you be more positive?" So guess what? I'm going to go see a doctor & ask for some damn happy pills to make everyone else happy. They won't even let me talk about him because they don't understand it & they think it makes me sad. Yes, I AM SAD. I lost my friggin Father & I have these great memories that I can't even share out loud! A year ago on Valentine's Day I lost my best friend & yes I'm sad about that too. They don't know that every night I go in to take a shower because it's a nice safe place to cry loudly & then come out & smile for everyone since that's what "they" expect to see. I have to admit that as hard as that is to do but I"m probably depressed-something I've never allowed myself to be. Here I thought I was doing so good-oops. I'm hurt & sad & even angry [but not sure why] & I just want them back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now