Anticipating The Spring Season

[enna]

Almost time for transformations depending on your climate. I always become very excited when winter is drawing to an end because I know it means flower boxes, green grass, bees, hummingbirds, swimming, fresh greens and tomatoes. Oh, don’t get me wrong I also love falling leaves, the kaleidoscope of colors shining threw the trees, snow falling for the first time, and dogs jumping in the soft snow. But, spring is for beginnings or transformations and that takes me to the reason for this thread.

We here are on a journey that will take each of us through many transformations. Our journeys will be unique. Most times painful and not without despair… but we who are the survivors will find a way to bloom just as the crocus does in early spring.

The crocus sits buried in the ground having been planted there in fall or winter so we almost forget about it until it pops out of the now clear ground of winter.

We who have been grieving for however long cannot see that we too are preparing ourselves for this transformation. It is so slow that we do not see the growth ourselves, but others can see it. While journeying through our grief others see our change. We are encouraged to continue even though we want to give up. We whine and complain because it is too hard. We lose purpose and think that this new life is just too difficult for survival until along comes someone from this forum to remind us that we are moving through our grief. Keep moving, keep moving is repeated over and over again until you want to scream out: ‘I am moving or I’ll sit where I am for as long as I feel like it.’ And that is all right for we are all accepted in whatever state we are in at the moment. No one is telling us to ‘get over it’ on this forum. We are listening, showing empathy and encouraging one another to ride the waves. Oh, are we so reminded to ride the waves! The first time I heard that phrase I didn’t like it. I thought that is a terrible thing to say but after awhile I began to understand what it meant. It is much easier to go with the current then against it. Feel the pain, cry, sit still and just be where we are in the moment. I have no doubt that each one of us will bloom and become more beautiful than we already are – the colors will all be vibrant and so different but someday we will be able to look at our garden of healers and be pleased. Anne

[kayc]

You and me both, Anne...but I'm afraid I have to wait awhile...it's snowing tonight and tomorrow and off and on this week.

[pumkin]

Dear Anne,

Your words "feel the pain, sit still and just be where we are at the moment", calls out to all of us here. If you ever write a book about all you've experienced, it would be so very healing to anyone who reads it. You write so eloquently and just seem to express what we are all feeling deep down in our souls. Spring is always my favorite time of year. You mentioned hummingbirds. Yesterday while sitting out in my front yard, near the carport where my Marco passed away, I spotted a hummingbird right over the place I found Marco and whispered "I will always love you my precious Marco" to the hummingbird. Just about a month ago I spoke to a butterfly I saw on one of my flowers while thinking of Marco. I felt so close to him when I saw the butterfly and now the hummingbird. I live in Phoenix and it is just so beautiful right now. Hugs to you and Benji.

[kayc]

George and I loved hummingbirds, we always had feeders out. Will have to wait awhile for them to come back, but I love watching them on the deck. You're lucky to live in Phoenix, beautiful weather.

[enna]

Hello Pumkin - thank you for your kind words. How are you doing? I talk to Jim all the time. He loved nature - everything about it. He would have stayed outdoors all the time weather permitting. He loved living in AZ. Yesterday it was 85 degrees here in the Litchfield Park/Goodyear area. I spent time in the yard after the landscapers left deciding where I'll put some flowering plants and baskets. I love all the colors. I wish all of our friends here on the forum could be enjoying our beautiful spring weather.

Kay, spring is coming and then you can see those hummingbirds on your deck. Take care of yourself. I carry you in my heart. Anne

[feralfae]

Dear Anne,

So true about the transformations.

Thank you for the beautiful images. Years ago, we planted crocus bulbs here, just scattering them all over in the forest and yard, and I love the surprise of their blossoming each Spring. At Northwestern, we had huge displays of crocus around campus, beds of white and purple.

Your writing is helping me to anticipate Spring with joy. Thank you.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Wifflesnook]

Anne you are inspirational. Pete was our gardener and I helped him. Last year until May he was suffering from the stroke. After he died I didn't have any incentive whatsoever to do any gardening. This year I have decided that he would hate to see our lovely small garden in a neglected state and it just may make me feel sadder than ever if I don't do it, so I am going to try to do it. I don't want to at all because to me gardening was a joint effort and doing it alone will make me sad. But since I am going to be sad anyway I will do it and it might help me.

[feralfae]

Dear Jan,

I hope working in the gardens brings you joy, especially when the blossoms begin to open.

Maybe some family, friends, or neighbors might like to play in the dirt and nurture the growing things with you.

Just a suggestion, because I find it so very much easier to do things those with my Godsons that I always did with Doug. I makes it easier emotionally than trying to do those things alone. It is not only the company, but I think the male energy of the boys that is comforting somehow. Probably because I see bits of Doug in them.

I look forward to reports and photos of gardening's beautiful rewards.

We are having a very blustery day with snow showers and sun. Quite dramatic.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Hi Jan, I do not have a green thumb but I love flowers and any growing thing. I always use fresh herbs in cooking. I love the smell of rosemary. I could live in a garden - flower or herb. Keep Pete's garden growing if you can. We can compare notes. We can both be sad together.

Fae, I hope your weather is improving. I am just so anxious for spring. Anne

[feralfae]

You two brave, brave women!

I hope to see lots of photos here! I am cheered at the prospect of Your gardens!

I am not gardening this year, but not because Doug is not here to lay out his usual spiral spinach, tree shapes for lettuce, and on and one. We had so much fun making an art garden together! All veggies, except for the rhubarb and strawberries. And asparagus. And our entire garden is bordered in flowers.

I am not gardening because I must go to Fairbanks and do more cleaning out of our home there, and take care of lots of maintenance things which the grad. student/caretaker is not willing to tackle. It will be interesting to see what has survived more than a year of my neglect. I know they let the pipes freeze and had to thaw them with steam this winter. We always kept the tap in the MBR running a tiny flow when the outside temps went below -20F for more than a day or two.

I hope to be ready by May. If not, they can all wait until I am ready. I am not going to push myself anymore when I can be on my own clock if I choose. This is such a new sensation for me, to protect myself a lot more emotionally, that I am still reeling from the sense of power it gives me to be able to say "NO!" or "I'm sorry, but no, not right now." But you get the basic idea. Whew! I feel like WonderWoman! I think I am ready to take on a little more of the world. I think I have been too emotionally weak to take very good care of myself. Now I am weeding out people better, and choosing projects better. Spring Housecleaning!

Anne, this is a wonderful thread!

Jan, you will do a brilliant job!

Here are the two of you, taking on loving and caring for the Earth, and bringing forth flowers. Conspiring to bring beauty into blossom. Nice.

Thank you,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[kayc]

I definitely don't have a green thumb but I plant flowers all along the back of my deck (over 30' long), in hanging pots. I should try some potted herbs as well! I tried keeping up George's vegetables after he died but they died...I figure it was a tribute to him.