mfh Posted March 4, 2013 Report Share Posted March 4, 2013 I came home today pretty tired from the therapy dog evals and took a nap, ate a bowl of cereal heaped with Costco's gigantic blackberries and sort of collapsed into a chair only to find Fiddler on the Roof on TV (a favorite old movie). So I sat to watch it. Early into this movie the family gathers for Sabbath...and the blessing is sung (May the Lord protect and defend you... as sung here: and as it was sung, my tears flowed like the Wisconsin River down my road. My brother, a Catholic priest and a good man blessed with a wonderful and strong voice sang this at each of my parent's funeral Masses; at my their 40th and 50th wedding anniversary celebration Masses; at the Masses of two of my close girlfriends; my Mom's 98th birthday (she died at close to 100 in 2006 the day before Bill's birthday); and many other celebration (of life and death) Masses including, of course, Bill's and my wedding and finally Bill's funeral service...(each time changing a couple of the words to fit the occasion). How little it takes to send me deep into the past...to memories of love and sadness...loss and joy...making me realize the richness of so much of my past; the pain of so many losses including the loss of the family celebrations themselves as we are so few now and spread across the country (the past is the past). I look forward with mixed feelings to September when we who are left will be together to celebrate my niece's wedding out east and yes, I am certain that blessing from Fiddler will be, once again, sung by a brother I love and whose life is now dependent one last drug that is working...for now. The last time we all gathered was Bill's funeral...and that is a blur. My sibs, (I love them deeply), could not figure out how to reach out to me after Bill died in spite of my repeated attempts to "instruct" them...so the love I feel so deeply for them is mixed with the pain of being unable to really share the loss of my Bill who they also loved. I am very big on ritual. I believe ritual speaks to us at a deep deep level...cellular, quantum, and soul. I grew up with the rituals of the 40s and 50s and still use ritual in my life and in my practice... but with that history of ritual as a thread running deeply through my years, I weep easily even as a group gathers to sing Happy Birthday to anyone. I live with grief and joy, gratitude and sadness always and ever just beneath the surface of a very very thin membrane..if that. As did Bill. And after pausing the TV to write, I turned it back to forward only to see Tevye and the butcher singing, "To Life" after Tevye gave his daughter to the butcher....and so it goes... the joy of Life coupled with the reality of a current issue...women's rights. But that is another story..... Peace to all, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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