Mourning The Loss Of My Beloved Sookie

[Luma]

On November 11, 2005 I lost my siamese cat Sookie. She was a little over a year. She was one out of the two cats that I own. My other cat is named Chino. He is also a siamese cat. They came from different litters but grew up together. They became the best of friends. They slept together, played together, where there was one there was the other. She was also the one who always followed me everywhere and would want to get pet all the time. She had her own little personality. A few days prior to her death she started having diarrhea. I thought it might have been something she ate or a bug. After two days I saw that she wasn't getting any better, and wasn't herself. I took her to the vet that Thursday night. They told me she was very dehydrated and weak, so they gave her IV and antibiotics and took some blood from her. The vet told me if she didn't look a little better in 24hrs to bring her back. Overnight she in fact got worse. She was breathing funny and very weak. I took her the next morning to the vet and they told me that by looking at the result of her blood work she might have kidney problems or diabetes and that I should take her to the Animal Medical Center in manhattan right away. I took her straight there. When I got there, they took her in right away to get some fluids in her and stablize her since she was soo dehydrated. 30 mins had past and the vet came out and told me that she went into cardiac arrest and they haven't been able to revive her and if I wanted to them to continue trying. I told them that what were her chances of living and they said very slim. So I told them to stop. The doctor explained to me that the cause of her death might have been kidney failure or congenial heart disease. She had alot of fluid in her system. I did see her after her death to say goodbye. I also had her cremated.

Her loss has been so hard for me. I can't stop crying and being sad. I am feeling so many emotions. I feel sadness, anger, guilt. I keep on blaming myself for her death. I feel like there is something I could have done. Maybe I should have taken her to the vet sooner. I am constantly crying. Thinking about her. I feel like I could have done more for her and didn't. What hurts even more is that she was only a baby. She didn't have a long life. I think it wouldn't hurt so much if she had a long fulfilled but she didn't. She just began her life. I also keep worrying about my other cat. He is lonely now. He meows when me or my fiance get home. He is not playing as much. We play with him everyday and give him attention. I don't know what I should do. Should I get him a companion since he's still young and use to having a little friend around? If so when will be the right time to get him a friend. I hate leaving him at home in the mornings. It kills me to leave him alone and gets me even more sad. I don't know what to do. It just hurts soo much.

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[Meow-Meow's Mommy]

Luma,

I am so sorry for your loss, your words have brought me to tears again. A couple of things I'd like to just put out there. Yes, I do think you should get another companion for the one who is left with you, as far as timing, you are going to have to be the judge of that, when you are ready, and you will know when that is. Next, the saddness, guilt, fear, etc., we all experience that when we lose someone we love very much. My 16 year old baby had to be put to sleep from kidney failure and hyper thyroid on October 25th, and to answer your thoughts that it might be easier if they lived a long life, it is not, for me, I have found that it was harder because she and I were so close and have such a strong bond and connection, a heart connection, having her for 16 years made it so much harder for me, but I do take a LOT of comfort in knowing she did live a long, very happy and very loved life with me and that she was so spoiled.

You didn't do anything wrong. Our babies can't talk to us and tell us when something is wrong. It sounds like you did EVERYTHING right, you couldn't have done anything more and you need to let go of this guilt that your baby would not want you to carry. Your baby would want you to be happy, lead a happy life and not feel guilt for ANYTHING, and to know that you made all the difference in the world in his/her life for the one year that you did have her/him. Who knows? If you hadn't be his/her mommy what kind of life she/he would have had, maybe she/he wouldn't have lived for an entire year, maybe their life would have been cut short.

I hope this helps, from one kitty lover to another, who has gone through what you are going through. I've had many furbabies in my life, most of whom did not live past 3 years because they were out-door cats and I was young and ignorant, so I learned how to really take care of my furbaby and for me, I feel it's better to keep them indoors for a longer life. But, just know you are not alone and we are all grieving with you, that's why we are on this post.

I also 100% believe that our furbabies are waiting for us in Heaven!!!!!

In Loving Memory of Meow-Meow,

Tracy - Meow-Meow's Mommy

[Maylissa]

Luma,

I'm so sorry for the untimely loss of your little one, Sookie. Much of what Tracy said I agree with. It takes a long time and usually much guesswork, intuition, good vet. partners-in-care and experience with an individual furbaby to get the jump on illnesses or injuries that afflict our beloved ones, and even then, many of us make mistakes. It's as much an art as science, and sometimes even more of the art portion. Don't be hard on yourself for doing what you thought best, as that is all it ever comes down to, no matter the circumstance. We can only work with whatever knowledge we already possess in that moment and often even the vets don't have many sure answers, even with all their education.

The age of our furbabies doesn't make any difference to our hearts...it's about the bond, no matter the age. Although, the more of one's life that's been spent with our beloveds, the more memories we have to remind us of our great loss. It's not easy no matter how old they were. A life is a life and if our hearts have loved, it hurts.

If it helps to know this, Siamese cats are often more prone to weaker kidneys, from what I've read, and if they're that young when afflicted, it can affect them much faster than if it's developed later in life. The fact that she got that dehydrated so quickly seems to suggest that something else was at play, as it's not unusual to monitor a cat with diarrhea for a couple of days before taking them in for an exam, especially if they're still eating &/or drinking.

As for getting another playmate for Chino, were it me, I'd definitely be planning for it, considering how young he is, but, yes, you have to be ready yourself first, AND, Chino's grief should be considered and monitored as well, lest you upset him with another pal while he's still in mourning, too. You'd have to watch and observe him ( and use your intuition, too! ) and see if maybe he seems interested in socializing with other cats ( even if this is done from behind a window to the outdoors ), for example. I know it took our furgirl about 4-5 months after her brother passed until she started feeling like exploring things and getting interested in her usual outdoor things again, but she'd also had 13 years with her brother. Overall though, cats are much happier with other feline buddies, I think, or at least other furred or sometimes even feathered creatures as company if you're not at home all the time. Cats are FAR more sociable than people usually believe. It's also much easier to introduce another one into the family when they're younger. But the extra attention and love you give to Chino in the meantime is the perfect thing to do! Caring for another furbaby ( assuming they're healthy enough ) while grieving is the most life-affirming task you could hope for to help you through your grief. I had to do this for our furgirl, and she was just diagnosed with kidney insufficiency mere weeks after we lost her brother....and yet my focus on her was what got me through....plus her HUGE love, of course. By the Grace of God, she's been with us coming up 6 more years since then.

Come back often to share your feelings and thoughts if it helps you, and let us know what you decide, whenever.

[Guest Guest_Luma_*]

Dear Tracy and Marylissa,

I first want to thank you for your kind and encouraging letters. They are really helping in my time of need. Especially when I have such a feeling of loneliness. Knowing there are people out there who know what I'm going through and understand how I'm feeling gives me a sense of comfort. When I talk to my family or friends, they just tell me I need to move on and get over it. So most of the time I'm just keeping my feelings to my self.

I'm taking her death one day at a time, and trying to cope but it's just soo hard. I have a feeling of emptiness. Yes I still have Chino and love him to death, but a part of me is still missing and that was Sookie. She has brough soo much joy into my life and I feel like that joy was just taken away from me. I don't think I will ever fully understand why God took her from me. Reading these letters and other peoples stories helps me understand that this is part of the grieving process and only time will heal the pain, but I feel like I"m never really going to get over the fact that she is gone. And I feel like the guilt will always be there. Yes I did give her a happy home and soo much love but I feel like I could have done more for her. I also have this fear taht something is going to happen to Chino. I'm to the point where I don't even want to leave him at home alone, because of the fact he is soo lonely. I have a canary gizmo which keeps him company but I don't feel that is enough for him considering he is still young and wants to play all the time. He is an indoor cat so I really can't say if he would socialize with other cats. I live in apartment and he never goes out.

I'm happy to see that there are people out there who are listening and helping me through this ordeal.

Thank you again for your kind words.

Luma

[Meow-Meow's Mommy]

Good Morning Luma and Maylissa,

Just a quick note on what your friends and family say. We also go through that with some of our friends and family, they don't love animals like we do, they don't have that bond and connection, and they don't understand that our furbabies mean as much to us as their own children do, they just don't get it, so, when you get that reaction, it's important to remember that they don't understand, but that they do care about you, and they are saying whatever they can to try to bring you comfort. But, you DO NOT have to move on and get over it at their pace, you go at your own pace, and let your heart, mind and soul dictate. I'm so glad this forum is here, it's so comforting to me to know I'm not the only person who loves animals as much as I do and completely and totally believe they have hearts, souls, and spirits, just like we humans do, and that there definitely is a place in Heaven for them, and that we will be reuinited with them one day. Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you that it is totally okay for you to grieve in your way and in your timing, and you don't have to "move on" until you are ready. Also, being a devout Bible-believing Christian, I struggled with other Christian opinions on their perspective of whether or not there is a place in Heaven for our beloved furbabies, and I've done some research and have bought a few books and a DVD, and, they are from Pastors who have done scriptural research on the subject, and agree, there is definitely a place in Heaven for our babies. One of them is: "All Creatures Do Go to Heaven Especially Pets", by Dr. Bernard J. Coombs out of Australia, and his email is: creaturestoheaven@pacific.net.au. Then there's a book called "There is Eternal Life for Animals" written by Niki Behrikis Shanahan, I also found her on the net. And finally, Rev. Jack Van Impe, there is a web site, has a DVD about pets and animals going to Heaven. These resources helped me so much, to validate my belief that my babies are there waiting for me, knowing they passed into a new life and did not die forever has brought me so much comfort and healing, I hope it will for you as well. Have a blessed day. Love, Tracy

[Maylissa]

Tracy,

I have that book by Niki B. Shanahan on my Christmas wish list and am wondering how you found it. I don't really even need it for myself, but wanted it so I'd have actual scriptural passages to quote for all those naysayers who try to tell me it isn't so. While I don't rely on the Bible so much for my beliefs, others do and so I want this book - may even lend it out if need be, so they can read it themselves. My belief came firstly, directly from inside my soul, secondly, by logic, and thirdly by spunk. Firstly, it was just a given for me that animals were no different than us at their cores. I observed this at an early age, before cultural conditioning could affect me, and since the natural tendency in children is to love, I extended it to the animals and they extended it back....so how could they not have souls? I never questioned it at all until other adults later in life would argue ( was I ever taken aback the first few times! )the point. I simply thought that everyone who thought so arrogantly must be either really stupid or afraid of something. Secondly, from my unbiased observations, and from the fact that I found it natural and easy to develop a relationship and innate understanding with any animal I interracted with, logic told me that this wouldn't be possible if they were mere 'machines' or stupid creatures that somehow existed through nothing other than instinct. Thirdly, my spunk ( and logic, combined ) says to me that if a heavenly plane exists and I am part of that plane AND of our Creator, and I can and do love animals the way I do, then our Creator must love them the same as I ( or else I wouldn't be a part of our Creator, but of something else ) and if that heavenly plane didn't include my beloved fellow-beings, then it isn't heavenly whatsoever!! I think like someone else did ( I forget who it was )...no matter where the animals go, that is where I want to go, no matter where it is or what it's called, because 'Heaven' won't BE 'Heaven' for me if they're not there, too. And it's as straightforward as that for me.

[Maylissa]

Yes I still have Chino and love him to death, but a part of me is still missing and that was Sookie. I don't think I will ever fully understand why God took her from me.... only time will heal the pain, but I feel like I"m never really going to get over the fact that she is gone.... And I feel like the guilt will always be there. Yes I did give her a happy home and soo much love but I feel like I could have done more for her.... I also have this fear taht something is going to happen to Chino.

Dear Luma,

Well, of course Chino can't fill in for everything you're missing about your Sookie. That missing is just going to be one of the hardest parts about your grief, as it is for all of us. For myself, I'd always noticed ( and felt deeply inside ) that each of my kidlets were a mirror image of me ~ Sabin was the more gregarious, fun-loving, reckless goof, yet deep and an old soul, but with a huge sense of humour, and a great teacher ( to me ); Nissa the meeker, quick-of-movement, more childlike, demonstrative and passionate in love matters, polite, more serious somehow. They were similar in some ways, yet each so opposite in others and I'd see myself in them with every move they each made, just like the extremes within myself. So when Sabin had to leave, it wasn't only that I missed him, but like exactly 1/2 of my own essence was suddenly missing, too. And this was the side that kept me so young-at-heart, so stress-bustingly spontaneous and happier. I was constantly moaning," But who's going to ever play Hide-and-Seek with me anymore?!! Only my Boo-Boo did that!!" And I was right. There is no one, for that was never really Nissa's game, and I can't convince my husband to get that silly with me, and for me...and it wouldn't be the same anyway, since he can't very well hide in tall grasses, being much bigger than me! So that's one thing, out of many, that's now missing in my life, a life I cherished with my guy's daily presense.

No, we may never understand why our beloveds go when they do, but I like to believe it's the same as for us. When we've accomplished our predetermined 'missions' and learned what we set out to learn and/or teach others before we came here to the physical, then we go back to the spirit from whence we came. No one can really know another's lessons, only our own, and even then, most of us are rather blind to this aspect of our lives here. I am, personally, hoping though, that I can ask and find out, once I'm back in spirit, too!

Time doesn't really DO anything...it's what we do within time that heals or doesn't heal us. This is the 'work' of mourning, as thoroughly as possible...feeling the depths of our feelings, thinking, reasoning...it all counts towards that nebulous 'coming to terms' with things. I know I'll never 'get over' my boy's death ( or his life with me ). It's a stupid phrase, one that should never have become so common. We adapt, we get used to the pain and the missing, and some of us transcend the pain, but there's no "getting over" or "letting go" of someone we love. We can let go of pain, but not the bond or relationship we had. We can develop a new relationship with our loved one, on a different level ( since they're now in spirit ), but we don't suddenly wake up one day, forgetting all about them/us. So don't fret. You are in control of choosing what you keep and what you don't want to keep, inside your heart and inside your head. The fact that this process takes time is just common to most of us.

The guilt?...I suffered greatly with this up until this very year, so for 5 1/2 years, but have finally let most of it go. It still hurts me a lot to remember the agony my boy went through, but I have some newer information and some acceptance of my limitations from that time, that have at last 'kicked in' and it's not bothering me the way it used to. A useful exercise might be to write down, by hand, all the things you did 'right' and all the things you think you did 'wrong' and see if that balances the issue out any in your head. I also had to talk to a lot of other animal lovers who gave me comparisons of their stories to mine, and of the health issues we each dealt with. The fact that I'm a perfectionist at heart didn't help matters, either, so I also had to start noticing how many times I made mistakes and learn to accept that we all do, no matter how hard we try...as long as we're trying to do our best. I had to accept, finally, that had I euthanized Sabin too early, my guilt over that would have been even worse, for me, personally, than what I had done instead. And I have to trust that, even if I'm still not perfect, I will try my hardest to take these lessons and apply them to my darling girl as best I can, when her time comes.

Being anxious for our other loved ones is natural after a death. I went through absolute hell with Nissa afterwards, because she did get sick w/i wks. of Sabin's passing, and not with just a cold or something. She developed kidney disease, which I learned can be quite common when an animal is grieving for their mate ( probably depending on the relationship and other factors ). However, it spurred me on to learn more, do more for her, get an additional vet. for her care...and here she is, now almost 19. Her conditions still can throw me into a panic ( she has several now besides the kidney stuff ) but hey, so far she's still here, and that counts for a lot. Had I just accepted what the first vet told me, she likely wouldn't be. So I still learned something, and partly redeemed myself in my own eyes because of what I forced myself to do, for her sake and mine. And I have to keep learning, as we go along. The biggest break-through occured when I decided one fine summer day, when she'd taken me across the street to lay in the tall, cool grasses, that I had to CHOOSE Life for her, rather than stay stuck in my thoughts of illness, suffering and death. I'm telling you, it made a world of difference to her health! I've recently struggled for another 2 years with this, since my Mother's and brother's deaths in '04, where it came back to haunt me again. But I'm trying my best again to rid myself of those fears, at least for now, for today, for this moment, if I have to. And I never stop trying to learn more about the whole concept of death, and life, as I know the more I experience myself, the more it will help me in the future.

And I have to give full credit for this entire ( but not yet finished ) journey....to my boy, my Sabin...the greatest teacher I've ever known. His passing paved the way to the beginning of changing what has been the greatest fear of my life ~ death...of loved ones and of myself. He knew me, and knew I wouldn't have listened to anyone but him. God Bless, in Great Heaps, my Boo-Boo, my Boo-Boo, my Love.

[Luma]

Hello Maylissa and Tracy,

You responses have been so heartfelt and encouraging. Reading what you have written is exactly what I need. People who understand my what I'm going through.

Today makes on week that my beloved Sookie has been gone. I can remember just last week when she was still alive. I look at the pictures of her beautiful face remember all the adorable little things that she use to do. I know she is in the Rainbow Bridge playing with my childhood cat and rabbit and is watching over me and chino. but I can't help but wish that she was still her with me running around my house and playing with chino. I know what I'm feeling is natural, but at the same time it's something I have never felt before. I never really experienced death of someone who means soo much to me before. I have always questioned the meaning of life and death and what is the purpose of it. Yes we all live and then die, but why? Why do deaths come so early, why do they happen to people or animals who are so young and good and who we care soo much about. I guess that is one of the many questions that I need to find the answer to. God does have a plan for all of us and sometimes our time comes sooner rather than later.

Today is a little better then yesterday. Reading your replies has really helped me in many ways.

I know I will never forget my little girl or stop grieving over her death. I just need to deal with the grief and learn how to deal with it.

This week I found out that Chino's mother just had kittens three weeks ago. They will not be ready for another month. My fiance and I are considering to get a new companion for Chino. I know she will not be Sookie, and I will not treat her like she is or compare her to Sookie. It just kills me to see my Chino so alone. He is alone during the day and does not play as much. What do you guys think I should do?

Very truly yours

Luma

[Meow-Meow's Mommy]

Hi Maylissa and Luma,

On the book, I ordered it off a web site, and it's been a few weeks now since I did, but I'll dig through the book and see if I can find some contact information. That was easy: www.eternalanimals.com

That should get you going, and it wasn't very expensive at all. I totally agree with you on all you said about animals having a soul and going to Heaven 100%, and our Creator does love them as He loves us and He wouldn't so crule as to let us love a being without giving us the hope of eternal life after death with our beloved animals. I have found in my life, in my different areas of grieving for people and animals I have loved and lost (temporarily) that it just doesn't matter to me anymore what others think, especially if it goes against my instinct, because Jesus lives in my heart, and my heart talks to me all the time, so I believe it is the Lord, speaking to my heart, speaking to me, my mind and soul.

Luma, I think that's great that Chino's mommy has more babies. My 16 year old baby Meow-Meow had to go to Rainbow Bridge on 10/25, which is just a little over 3 weeks now, and this last Sunday, we adopted 3 homeless, orphaned kittens, and I can't tell you how much joy they have already brought me, love and laughter. The first 3 weeks after Meow-Meow went to Heaven, I cried all the way home from work, thinking of going home to an empty house, except my husband of course. Now, I can't wait to get home. We were going to get 2 because we didn't want one to feel lonely when we weren't there, but it just happened that all 3 were sibblings and we didn't want to separate them, they already lost their mom to an auto accident. I think when the new babies are ready, Chino's extended sibblings, I think you will be ready to adopt a new one, and I think your beloved baby you still have with you will be ready for a new sister/brother/friend. Just my opinion for what it's worth.

Hey, we don't know each other, but we do, we share something very powerful in common, so, please don't think I say this lightly - I love you guys! I'm praying for you!

Always,

Tracy

[Luma]

Tracy,

Thank you so much for your advice on getting the new kitty.

Also, I am going to look into getting one of those books you mentioned in your previous reply. I think they will help me understand the meaning of death and what happens after death.

I will keep you both in my prayers. We do have something in common and that is what brings us together. Maybe we were meant to be there for eachother in this time of need.

Love

Luma

[miakittymeow]

All,

This is definitely not a passage from the bible, but it is a touching little story about the subject of pets, their people, and heaven. I've seen it posted several places on the web, and none say who the author is. It would be nice to be able to give them credit.

Lori

An old man and his dog were walking along a country road, enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to the man that he was actually dead. He remembered dying, and that his dog too had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road would lead them, and continued onward. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill a tall white arch that gleamed in the sunlight broke it. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He was pleased that he had finally arrived at heaven, and the man and his dog walked toward the gate. As he got closer, he saw someone sitting at a beautifully carved desk off to one side. When he was close enough, he called out,

"Excuse me, but is this heaven?"

"Yes, it is, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The gatekeeper gestured to his rear, and the huge gate began to open. "I assume my friend can come in?" the man asked, gesturing toward his dog.

But the reply was "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought about it then thanked the gatekeeper, turned back toward the road, and continued in the direction he had been going. After another long walk, he reached the top of another long hill, and he came to a dirt road that led through a farm gate. There was no fence, and it looked as if the gate had never been closed, as grass had grown up around it. As he approached the gate, he saw a man just inside, sitting in the shade of a tree in a rickety old chair, reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

"Certainly, There's a pump over there," the man said, pointing to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. Come on in and make yourself at home."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog

"He's welcome too, and there's a bowl by the pump," he said.

They walked through the gate and, sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a dipper hanging on it and a bowl next to it on the ground. The man filled the bowl for his dog; he then took a long drink himself. When both were satisfied, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was sitting under the tree waiting for them, and asked, "What do you call this place?"

"This is heaven," was the answer.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "It certainly doesn't look like heaven, and there's another man down the road who said that place was heaven."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?"

"Yes, it was beautiful."

"Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it offend you for them to use the name of heaven like that?"

"No. I can see how you might think so, but it actually saves us a lot of time. They screen out the people who are willing to leave their best friends behind."

[Maylissa]

...remember all the adorable little things that she use to do....but I can't help but wish that she was still her with me running around my house and playing with chino. I know what I'm feeling is natural, but at the same time it's something I have never felt before. I never really experienced death of someone who means soo much to me before... I have always questioned the meaning of life and death and what is the purpose of it. Yes we all live and then die, but why?... Chino's mother just had kittens three weeks ago.

Luma,

You could always write down all those adorable things Sookie did, knowing that one day you'll be able to look back on them with more smiles than tears. I did some of that for Sabin and am glad I did, because many of those things I just don't remember until Nissa does something that reminds me, and when she's gone, I won't have those triggers to recall them.

Yes, the wishing for our babies to still be here IS terrible and can't be helped for awhile. I know what a shock it is to have feelings of such incredible intensity. It took me years and years before I could even adopt my 2 babies, because I'd suffered from the traumatic death of my budgie when I was 14 and just couldn't move past that for a long time. Then when Sabin passed I realized how very much worse his passing was for me - still the worst to date. So I understand how horrendous it feels, believe me.

As for "WHY?"....if I had that one, all-important answer, I'd be on the news wires, telling EVERYONE! I wish I knew....I'm sure I'll be searching for that until the day I go, too, and for all I know, after that as well!

You could certainly get a companion for Chino, if you're feeling ready in a month's time. You could also do some research on how to introduce a new one into your home, to try and prevent any problems from throwing a wrench into the works.

One thing I have to say, though, and I hope I won't step on any toes here, but I never stay quiet about things that I'm passionate about, and my #1 passion is animals. So I just need to say that, considering all the added suffering ( and literally millions of deaths ) many are made to experience because of it, I'm disappointed and upset whenever I hear of someone allowing their animal to continue to breed. I know more than I ever wanted to know about what it means for the animals' lives, and it's grizzly stuff. While it would please me to know at least one of that litter might end up with you, a loving guardian, I worry for the rest, and the rest after that, should that mother never get spayed, and the mother herself, as it's so hard on and risky for animals to keep having litters. Personally, I would never adopt from anyone who isn't responsible enough to have their animals fixed, but would adopt either from a shelter or take a stray in - the very ones who've been discarded and abandoned for the sheer lack of enough loving homes to go around for all the animals carelessly bred. I'm sorry I had to bring this up, when we're all grieving here, but when it comes to the inherent worth of animals, I'm adamant and tireless in trying to educate others and save the animals' lives. For me, that's bottom line because I love them so completely. I hope I haven't upset you more than you already are, but hope I have simply given you pause to honour all animals by carefully considering all of their lives, not just the ones who have personally touched us so deeply because we knew them. I may just be human...but I'm also, I'm pretty sure, half-CAT!

I'm also glad you've kept writing here, as it's so gratifying to hear from others who truly love our little furries, and in sharing our feelings about them, it helps us all grow a little stronger.

[Meow-Meow's Mommy]

Maylissa - AMEN!

=)

[Luma]

All though that was a response i did not want to read. I understand and respect your opinions.

Thank You

Luma

[Luma]

Hello all,

Today I picked up Sookie's ashes at the cemetary. It was soo heart wrenching but at the same time it makes me feel a little better that I have her here with me. The days are getting a little better. I still have that feeling of guilt at times. I have been thinking all day about her and the adorable little things she use to do. They made me laugh so much.

Chino is ok. You can tell he is sad and lonely. We took him for a check up today at the vet and when we came home it looked like he was looking for her, or knew that I brought her ashes home. He is being really strong though.

Hope everyone is well.

Sincerly

Luma

[Maylissa]

Dear Luma,

Oh, poor you, and poor Chino! My heart breaks for both of you! But I'm glad you're finding some peace in having Sookie's ashes there with you. You could always do a little memorial space around them if that would help, too....a candle, a picture, a special toy.

I assume you've explained to Chino what happened to his mate? I've heard it helps them to know where they went and why, especially important when their pal didn't go at home, for them to see for themselves. Sabin did pass at home, so I didn't have to explain to Nissa, and she actually didn't show any interest in his body, though she missed him terribly in the coming days and months. Animals seem to have a better understanding, or maybe memory?, of crossing over than we do, but they may not understand what happened and be worried about their own security in the family if they weren't present when their pal crossed.

I know it's still going to be pretty lonely around there for both of you, but try to take some comfort in each other's presence. Nissa really came into her own after awhile, surprising and delighting us with her new-found Nissaness..still our girl, but more so. I'll be here for you the whole time, whenever you need a cyber-shoulder to lean on.

Blessings and ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Maylissa

[Luma]

Maylissa,

I do feel some peace having her here with us. I have her collar and her picture by her ashes. I am going to look into purchasing an urn for her with in the coming weeks. I am going to light a candle in her name on Monday for the Monday Candle Ceremony. I may also get some flowers to put by her. I know it's silly.

Chino has been doing better today. I have him a new toy so he has been entertaining with that. He is being strong. He just hates to be alone. The vet said he is very healthy. That is my baby boy. He is the king in this house. I always talk to him about Sookie and tell him that she was very sick and tjat she is watching over us and making sure he is ok. I show him her picture too.

It's nice to know that there are people out there concerned and able to take the time out to help people like me who are taking pet loss so hard and feels like nobody close to them understands what I'm going through. I really appreciate that.

Sincerely,

Luma

[Maylissa]

Luma,

It's not silly at all! I bought fresh flowers for Sabin for about 2 months, then switched to some nice dried grasses, since tall grass was his favourite. They still sit beside one of his pictures. We also eventually had a shadow box custom-built ( 2 years later, they're in all the stores! -figures )and I filled it with mementoes of him. Six years later, though, I still haven't found the perfect frame for the tribute I wrote for him, or one for his list of nicknames ( about 20 some-odd! ), so 'his' wall still isn't completed. We do them an honour to remember them in as many ways as we can...

[tattoodlb]

I am sorry for your loss of Sookie. I lost my Smokey suddenly like you did and he was only 3 1/2 years old. Smokey ended up dying of advanced primary lung cancer. (!!)

I have found excellent healing here and I am also taking the Pet Loss course offered on this site. It is very helpful.

Our cats are #1 with us (I have had dogs, and I like them, but my passion is cats) I also have a pair of ferrets and they are neat, but they are not cuddly at all. They help me stay occupied though. I had the same feelings as you did about feeling guilty and not doing enough or knowing sooner, but somehow things are what they are and fresh grief is very difficult and old grief is, too. I also have Smokey's ashes in a beautiful urn on my book case. It has been 2 months since Smokey died and I got every book on grieving; for the loss of your pet; to communicating with your pet that has passed on, (I had a pet communicator contact Smokey), and almost every one in between. I decided that I am going to get another cat and I found one that I want, although it is not born yet I guess you could say that I "ordered" it. I usually rescue animals (the only animal I ever bought was a cockatiel) and I feel good about rescuing animals but somehow this time I wanted to buy one, maybe somehow I think I can "buy" health?! Sounds strange I know, but that is what I am going with now. I already sent my deposit which is nonrefundable so I guess I am stuck. I hope you find peace in your loving memories of Sookie.

[Luma]

Hello,

Thank You for you well wishes on my loss and sharing your experience with me.

I have to say this has been one of the toughest things I have gone through. I am doing alot better than I was last week. I guess I got some closure when I brought her ashes home. They are up on a shelf with her collar and picture. I'm also getting all her pictures together to make a collage and hang it up.

I am going to get a new companion for my other cat Chino in about a month. His mother had kittens 4 weeks ago. He's just soo lonely and I think he needs a companion, and what better then having his sister to bully around and grow up with.

These discussion groups and the chats really help alot. Just talking with people who have been through it and know how I'm feeling is really the best support.

The days are getting a little easier. I still miss her like crazy though. I just keep remembering her and all the adorable little things she use to do. Those memories help me get through the days.

Luma

[Meow-Meow's Mommy]

Good Morning Luma,

2 things.

1 - I'm sorry if mine and Maylissa's thoughts on breeding hurt you, I'm very sorry. I learned this last week at church that even as much as I love all animals, I need to watch my mouth around others who purchase their loved furbabies. It always has been and always will be a passion of mine to rescue an animal who would otherwise be homeless, orphaned, abandon or killed because of its existence and to not purchase an animal from a pet store, breeder, or otherwise. I have a dear friend at church who purchased 2 kitties from a pet store and before I realized that I spouted off my mouth about my passion. The fact is that there are breeders, and there are pet stores, and as long as there are, the furbabies they sell are still innocent lives who need a loving home, it isn't their fault they were brought into the world to bring a human financial gain, so I apologized to her, and of course, she was very understanding and told me I didn't need to apologize, but I did anyway.

2 - We had our beloved Meow-Meow cremated and brought her ashes home 2 days after. I know exactly how you feel, it made me "feel better" knowing I at least had that, that after 16 years of unconditional, devoted, and pure love that she brought to me and her daddy, we did the very best for her that we could, that we honored her in this way and that we cherish her. We had a private cremation which cost us more $, but I didn't care, I only wanted her ashes, and now, her ashes are on top of our TV with her picture on top, and the vet made a paw print out of hers out of clay for us, so her little paw print is on her ashes box as well, and there they will stay for however long we need them to stay there. For the first 2 weeks practically, I slept in the living room so I could be closer to her ashes, and it did make me feel a little better. I'm very happy for you that you have the same sense of temporary closure.

I have noticed, however, that with the new 3 babies that we adopted from a no-kill shelter, whose mom was killed by a car, that I'm freaking out over every little medical thing that could be wrong. Phillip has a UTI and they all have ringworm, and they may all have parasites. We took them into our vet on Saturday, Phillip is on antiboitics and I've been treating them all with a topical for the ringworm and the doctor is supposed to look into an oral treatment for the ringworm and get back to me, and then we need to get stool samples in to determine if they have ringworm or not. They were treated for ringworm before we got them, but they all have little pot bellies, that's why our vet thinks they may have a parasite. So, I know these things are all minor and very treatable, but I'm still freaking out a little. But, I'm sure they will all be okay, we're taking very good care of them and nursing them all back to really good health, they're just 3 months old.

Well, Luma, take care, again, I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt about that previous post, but I'm glad you are considering taking one of the kittens.

Tracy

[Meow-Meow's Mommy]

I meant to say "tape worm" they've been treated for tape worm, but they still may have parisites.

[Luma]

Hi Tracy,

I was not hurt at all by your opinion on breeding. I understand you feel very strong about resucing animals and I respect that. Growing up, both my cat and dog were resuced. My dad brought the cat home from his company, he was a stray that always hung around his job. and all the workers tended to him. When they closed the company, my dad brought him home. He lived for 15 years. My dog was adopted from north shore animal league at 8 weeks. She was a puppy. Thank god she is still with us after 13 years. So i understand why you have those views and opinions on breeders and pet stores.

Everynight before I go to sleep I kiss her picture and say goodnight and how much we miss her, and when I wake up I do the same. It's silly but it makes me feel better. Tonight I will be lighting a candle in her memory at 10pm for the Monday candle ceremony.

Thank You again for all your support and encouraging words.

Luma

[Meow-Meow's Mommy]

I do the very same thing daily, I kiss her picture several times, I talk to her, tell her how much I love her and miss her and look forward to the day when we'll be together again, and I talk to her about her new sister and 2 new brothers, and she, Meow-Meow, will always be my one and only Cherie Amour', that I will love our new babies with all my heart, but each one of them will be special in their own way, just as she is special in being her mommy's Cherie Amour (my sweet love). I also have been collecting photos of her, and putting collages together, and writing tributes to her, and was keeping a daily journal the first 2 weeks after her death, so, we have a lot in common.

Thanks for writing back. Take care. Tracy