Kylie

[Leftover]

I guess not having any warning is not really any worse than having to watch your friend going through a long painful decline before having to say goodbye. There's no good way for it to go. I have been reading the other posts here as I can to see how things are for others, but I can only get through a few at a time, they're so sad. I've also been looking through the links in the Pet Loss Articles above. It's not easy being reminded that Kylie is gone but it's clear I'm not the first person to go through this, that's for sure.

The loneliness is really hard, even with Mason there. He's been a great comfort but even in the short time I had with Kylie, she came to be a very important and irreplaceable part of my life. Calling her a pet almost seems demeaning, like she's a piece of property. I know dogs aren't people but there's no doubt they are living creatures that experience happiness, fear and sorrow in their own ways and yet have very little control over major events in their lives (I understand that people use words differently and I'm not being critical of anybody here- just saying what I feel personally.) Kylie came to be with me because I decided to bring her into my life. Nobody asked her what she wanted. Even though she didn't have a choice in that decision, she never acted in a way to make me believe she felt anything but gratefulness for the opportunity to share our time together and I hope she was able to know that I felt the same about her. Kylie was my friend in every sense of the word and with her gone, my world is so much less joyful than it was in the time she was here with me.

Which brings me to Mason. He is a wonderful dog and I'm lucky to have him with me. He is taking a lot longer to get settled than Kylie did but as a rescue, I have no idea what he's been through. I feel terrible when I find myself comparing his responses to Kylie's, as it's completely unfair to him. He's not Kylie and deserves to be recognized for who he is, not who he's not. He seems to be feeling more at home lately and acting less apprehensive, which is encouraging. I am thinking that one day, I will get another dog but for now, Mason's happiness is the most important thing to be looking out for. When he's ready, I'll see about maybe getting him a companion. I think it would be a good thing for both of us.

[MartyT]

You sound like a wonderful parent to your dogs, Scott ~ and I wish all dogs were fortunate enough to have a man like you in their lives ♥

[kayc]

I think either way it happens is equally bad, but different. When my husband passed away, it was sudden and without warning, and I was thoroughly shocked to the core. In that sense, I think the grief is harder when they pass. BUT when someone is a caregiver and watches the person suffer, the death comes with mixed feelings, that of relief, but also missing them because although you try to prepare yourself, you can never truly be prepared and the finality hits hard when it comes. In that situation, much of the grieving is done ahead of time. My MIL passed after two years eight months of being bedridden with cancer, and I know we grieved ahead of time. When her death finally came it was a relief that her suffering was finally over and she could be at peace at last...but the finality of knowing I couldn't talk to her or see her was there to deal with as well. It's just not easy either way, but when it's sudden, it's very hard on the one left behind because they're literally scrambling to process this monumental thing that has happened.

It will take time, much time, to absorb and process it all and nothing but time will soften the edges on the grief. Believe me, I know. I wish I didn't. My heart goes out to you in the pain of your grief.

[Yobeth1]

I'm sorry for your loss Scott. I know how you feel. I'm almost in your same situation. My dog Belle died 3 weeks ago. I am lost without her. I have another dog but its just not the same. We are both mourning her loss. I am constantly asked from neighbors where is my other dog. That hurts so bad.

Unfortunately I'm not handling my dogs death well so I can not give you any words of wisdom. I feel part of me is now loss. I barely can work. How do you go back to your life? How can you ever enjoy anything anymore?

[Leftover]

How do you go back to your life? How can you ever enjoy anything anymore?

I don't know. I have been looking for an answer but it is eluding me. All I've been able to do is to try to focus my energy on Mason, as he's only been with me for a little over two months. I guess the best hope is that I can be brave for him (and Kylie) and make his new home one that he is happy to be in. How to get back to my life, though? It doesn't seeem like that's an option anymore- at least, not to the life I knew.

[Leftover]

It's been 12 weeks now, that Kylie has been gone. As long from my first post to now as it was from the time I lost her to then and it's every bit as hard today as it was six weeks (or twelve) ago. I don't know- I keep hoping it'll get easier but it's not. I think about her every day and there hasn't been a day in all that time I haven't cried for her.

It might be easier to bear if I thought there was a life beyond this one where I might have the chance to be reunited with Kylie, but I don't. I believe that our time in this world is all there is and once it's over, that's it. I suppose I could be wrong about it though as I don't really know for sure. Lately, I have been hoping with all my heart that I am wrong and on the chance of that, have been wishing for Kylie that she has beautiful green meadows to run in and is as happy now as I was when we were together.

I miss my pretty girl so much.

[kayc]

I'm sure it takes longer than this for it to fade. Belief in the hereafter is faith based, not something tangible we can prove, but I don't think I could handle it if I didn't believe I'd be reunited with my husband and animals someday, even if it's a change in form. That's okay, so long as we're together again somehow.

Kylie is very beautiful, I think dogs are the most special creature there is.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry that you're still hurting so much, Scott.

Have you ever considered consulting with a specialist in animal communication? It might be something you could explore, just to see if it holds any interest for you. (You can type in the words "animal communication" in the Search box at the top right of this page to see what posts come up for you.)

A place for you to start might be this: "Do Pets Go To the Afterlife?" ~ Bob Olson's interview with Danielle Mackinnon (video).

[Leftover]

Marty-

I watched part of the interview, but to be honest, I do not believe there is anything beyond this world. Either for our dogs or for ourselves. It would be a lot easier if I did, but I don't, so there it is. I hope I'm wrong.

[MartyT]

That's okay, Scott ~ you are entitled to your own beliefs ~ I understand that and I honor it. Still, I wish you would go back and read some of the earlier posts in this thread, as I think they contain some useful suggestions for you. Time does nothing to heal grief ~ it is what we DO with the time that makes all the difference ~ and I encourage you to give some of the ideas mentioned earlier an honest try . . . ♥

[elainetapp]

I know how you are feeling. My Charlie had a non-operable brain tumour diagnosed in April. I was forced to euthanize him as he started to have seizures again. The neurologist told me that there would come a point that nothing would work and he would have a seizure and he may not come out of it. He also told me he may go blind. I was scared for him, as I saw how frighten he was after his last 2 seizures he had within 4 hrs. I could not let him go through that again or go blind. He became very weak, and off balanced within a few days of having the seizure. I would pray every night to god not to let Charlie go into a seizure. It was such a hard decision but he was becoming weak. The hospice vet came to my home. I cuddled him and told him how much I loved him and that he was going to go to sleep. He didn't fight it. It was peaceful and horrific at the same time. I have so much guilt for making that decision.

Every morning I wake up with the realization that he is gone and I relive the pain.. My heart hurts so bad. I have another dog and she is why I get up everyday. The day before Charlie passed, my little girl was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She had surgery last week. I had 3 dogs and 2 have died in the last year. I didn't expect this to happen especially to Charlie. He was only 10 years old. My other sweet baby was almost 14. Time had flown by so quickly with them. We were a team. We hiked everyday no matter the weather. They slept with me and really were a big part of my life. I have 1 left and when I look at her, I feel so sad. She is old and I know will leave me someday. Maybe sooner that I know. It seems that the chapter with my sweet dogs is coming to an end. It seems that just yesterday, we are all together in the woods having fun and so quickly they are leaving one by one. I just don't know how I will define my life in the future.

[kayc]

Elaine,

I know how hard it is, I've lost many pets over the years, and it is hard hitting. My dog is my life and I cannot imagine losing him, although I know it will come someday, it has for all of my others. I guess one can only focus on today and living it to the fullest for that's all we truly have. Perhaps another dog will capture your interest someday so that you will not be left alone...I probably will always choose to have a furry companion, but my sister has stated "no more dogs" because she can't take the pain of losing them anymore. It's an individual decision, but I choose to experience the joy of another one rather than shut off all possibilities because of grief. No dog will ever come close to replacing my current dog, we are extremely close and he has so many wonderful qualities that I haven't seen in other dogs...I know he will leave an empty hole in my heart that none other can fill...but I also know that just maybe another dog would bring it's own personality and traits to the table that are waiting to be discovered.

[KATPILOT]

I want to say how sorry I am for your loss Elaine and Scott. I know how hard it is as well. When we lost Mindy five years ago, it was devastating and Kathy just could not get over her. I was reminded when you spoke of guilt Elaine, at having to put your Charlie down. Kathy could never forget Mindy looking into her eyes as if to say "help me mom". You just never get over those things I suppose. When Kathy died two and a half years ago, she wanted to be combined with Mindy whose ashes were in our room. I did so of course and now I have them both here in my room still. I sadly am the only surviving member of our pack. One day all three of us will be together.

For now, I am just in a funk. Mindy was the most wonderfull dog I had ever had the chance to know and now that Kathy and her are together, I just don't see how I could ever have another dog in my life. It's like having been married to Kathy. Once you have known perfection, you just will never go there again. Kay, your sister sounds familiar. Kathy would never have a dog again for that exact reason. My remark now to Kathy would be "Try loosing a spouse"

Suppose to be funny but not really huh?

Stephen

[kayc]

Stephen,

As weird as it sounds, I think losing my dog is going to be somewhat close to what I felt losing my husband...not on as many levels, of course, but the emotional charge will be up there. My dog is my best companion, the relationship is very close, and he is very loving and very goofy. Having already suffered so much loss in my life, I don't know how I'll handle yet another one in my "early old age", but I know we don't get a choice about things and have to go on. I will likely want another furry companion in my life, although I don't expect another dog to be anything like my Arlie. I already know I'll never meet anyone anywhere near like my George so I've had to accept that.

[KATPILOT]

True words kayc,

The problem with loving is the risk of loss that comes with it. It is only when we risk that loss, that we can love this deeply.

I always balked at the remarks I've heard "you need to get another dog right away". However we go about meeting a new member of our pack, we almost have to allow them to find us. otherwise, it's like getting a replacement player when one is lost to the team.

You know, George like Kathy are irreplaceable. Enough said.

I wonder sometimes when I think about how important to Kathy Mindy was, I imagine what it would be like for her if I had been the one to leave. As you speak about the similarity of loosing Arlie to George, it is like loosing your own child. This is most likely to happen if you had no children of your own. Having said that, I think kathy might not have had the strength to over come the grief and succomb as the wife did in "What Dreams May Come". I truly love that movie if it is a bit dark. I had a dalmation by the way named Panda. I missed her a lot too. In any event, I'm glad I was the one to suffer the grief, not her and I truly wanted to check out at first. It's a double edged sword though isn't it ? One misses the grief and one misses living on.

Stephen

[kayc]

I feel the same way, I'm glad I'm the one who had to face this loss and not George.

I have children, but long grown and gone. It is just me and Arlie, and that's part of why we're so close, although not all by a long shot. His personality is so perfect for me. I first saw him in the newspaper and I knew I wanted him then...when I met him, I was all the more convinced and he seemed readily agreeable to the idea!

[Leftover]

Last Sunday, it was six months since I had to say goodbye to Kylie. I still miss her more than I can say. I appreciate all the kind words that have been posted here, and I am sorry for the losses that all of you have suffered yourselves.

Kylie, I love you so much. You brought more happiness into my life than I would have ever imagined possible. There will always be a special place in my heart for you, my pretty girl.

[kayc]

Such a beautiful girl...never forgotten, she lives on in your heart and soul.

[Leftover]

Two years ago, my pretty girl came to stay with me. Nine months ago, we had to say goodbye. Kylie, I love you and I miss you so much more than I can say.

[kayc]

I know all too well, I lost Skye over a month ago, I will never stop missing him. I believe your Kylie is waiting for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcQvYh_3Atw

[Leftover]

It was a year ago today that I had to say goodbye to my pretty girl. My heart still aches as badly now as it did on that awful night last year when I lost her. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, and I miss her so much more than I would have ever imagined possible. I don't know what i expected when I first came here last year and I'm sure I'm not any closer to an answer today. Just thinking out loud, I guess. Anyway... Kylie, I love you and am so sorry that our time together was so short.

[mfh]

My dear Scott,

I am so very sorry you lost your beautiful Kylie. Anniversaries are very difficult especially early on. I went back and read your posts and responses to your posts and I am searching, as you are, for some healing tools among them. I am wondering if you have followed some of the wonderful suggestions made there. In our society, losing a pet can be even more difficult to share with others (than losing a human being) and get an appropriate and compassionate response. Many do not take it very seriously, hence the value of joining a pet loss support group or meeting with a grief counselor sensitive to pet loss.

Time is not the key to healing. Action is...actions like journaling, writing Kylie a letter, sharing, sharing and more sharing with those who "get it". Hence the value again of a group or a counselor. I know that when my husband died almost 4 years ago, the pain was horrendous...reading, journaling, sharing and grief counseling is helping and has helped me get through it. I think you owe it to yourself to do something like this. Marty posted a page for you with articles and I am re-posting it here in case you wish to check it out.

http://www.griefhealing.com/pet-loss-articles.htm

Also we would welcome you here more often so that you could share more...believe me you are among many dog and cat and pet lovers here and we understand how huge the loss of our furbabies is. We care about you and really want to share this journey, if you like. I was just thinking today about the dog my husband and I lost in 2,000, that is 14 years ago and I still miss him. Please do consider following up on some of the ideas...perhaps go back, as I did, and re-read the posts from the beginning and jot down some of the ideas.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

[kayc]

Mary put it aptly. I remember when you lost her, she's a beautiful dog. I know, I don't miss my Skye any less, and it's been a few months now. There are some dogs you just never stop missing, but I've learned to carry those I love and miss in my heart, until we can be together again. I'm sorry you're still hurting, I know how it feels.

[MartyT]

♥

[kayc]

Marty, there may be something to that!