A Wedding, Birthday, Life Celebration, And Easter

[ANC1117]

This last week has been a major grief emotional week. Ive cried, got angry, and even felt the need for solitude. I tried to determine why out of the blue I was experiencing these emotions. Then it hit me: my niece's wedding happening today; last week I received the notification of a long ago friend's life celebration ceremony this Saturday; I received a birthday invitation for a great friend of mine son's birthday that is also this Saturday; and Easter being this Sunday. With all these celebrations of: new beginnings; life present; life past; and resurrection of life, I must be longing for my loss of life. A life I knew for almost half my life. Now I have the unknown of how my presence at the events this weekend will be. I feel a sense of uncertainty that I am troubled with. I have always celebrated with joy at such events and now I am not sure what emotions I am feeling. At any moment my feeling change from joy to sadness, to anger, to jealousy, to loneliness, to... I am sure I will survive this weekend, I also know how emotionally drained I will be too.

Anthony

[enna]

I am sorry that your emotions seem to be all over the map, Anthony. You know what they say about those grief triggers! It does seem unfair that in the midst of so much happiness there is a deep sadness and longing for a loved one who has died.

Remember what they say about feelings – they are just that –feelings. They will pass in their own time. We let them in and we let them go – that seems to be the pattern for those of us missing a beloved. It is right for us to think about happy/sad during these days. I always marvel at this time of the year when we move from dark/cold to light/warm. Spring does that to me. No matter our belief I think that we are all moved by death and resurrection. Mysteries are always something to reflect upon.

I know you will survive this weekend. Peace to your heart. Anne

[feralfae]

Dear Anthony,

This post was from Marty to me, but I think you might find the article helpful:

Fae, my dear, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard day today, filled with grief triggers or what is known in the trade as "STUGs" (subsequent temporary upsurges of grief). Usually we are hit with one or two of these, but to be hit with one right after another is enough to bring anyone to her knees.

Sometimes, it really helps to have someone, outside of ourselves, to help us be able to name what is going on. The above linked article helped me a LOT.

Blessings for a weekend in which you find moments of joy and peace, dear Anthony.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Anthony, these events are clearly huge for you and all of us. I have successfully avoided weddings so far but have to attend my niece's in the fall and am already thinking about it. Yes, you will survive and yet you will be drained and yes you will come home and put your feet up and cry most likely. I am so sorry this is a tough weekend. It is for me also as I remember Bill's funeral on Holy Saturday. We just can not escape these but I know most of the time it gets easier to carry the grief. Most of the time...not always...and that I can live with and I think we all can once we get to that point. I will be thinking of you as you walk through these days.

Peace,

Mary

[ANC1117]

Anne, Fae, and Mary,

The wedding went fine and during the ceromony I thought of Celene. I looked up in the trees as the wind was blowing the leaves, wondering if that was Celene letting me know she was there. During the reception, my nepher and daughter brought a joyful tear to my eyes as they recalled how special Celene was and her special laughter at all the right moments. Both my SIL asked me how I was doing and when I explaned how the past week has been, they both reminissed how they too had been missing Celene and the memories they shared. The night turned out to be a healing moment for me. Thank you all for keeping me in your prayers and thoughts.

Anthony

[Queeniemary]

Anthony, of course your emotions will be all over the place...you are being involved in very emotional activities this weekend. I am glad the wedding turned out to be a healing time for you. Sometimes, when we least expect it, things do turn sweet, and healing.

I have been to several funerals, and memorial services in the same room in which we had my husband's memorial service. The first time was the hardest, but I had to be there. It was my last remaining aunt, and she died at age 102. I got through it. Now, the other times, have been all right. However, I always find myself returning to the day we said goodbye to Mike in that room, and can see all the uniforms on the left side of the room (he was a detention sargent at our county jail), and all the family and theatre friends filling in the rest of the room, standing room only finally. It was a lovely tribute to the man I loved, and love still. He was well known in our community because of his involvment in community theatre, as well as his employment at the county jail.

Sorry did not mean to go on, but as you well know, sometimes it cannot be helped. I hope all of the events this weekend will give you the same peace and healing that the wedding gave you.

The picture of your daughter on another thread....she is lovely, and I can tell she is much loved by her father!

Love Arizona, visit there occasionally. My oldest sister is in Prescott, and my best friend in the world in Douglas. Mike wanted to retire there, I so wish he had gotten that chance.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[mfh]

Anthony, I am so glad that there were some sacred and treasured moments for you. How wonderful is that? I love people who actually ask about memories or share them...no one does that here and it gets old to bring it up....so I ramble on here on the forum about him. Someday people will be less fearful of death and grief and talking about those we lost but it is a long way off in our society. So very glad it went well. I will see if I can find the picture Mary (the other one) spoke about.

Peace

mary

[kayc]

I am lucky in that I can share with my sisters and children about George, and also a special friend. Others, you are right, don't care to hear. I will never tire of hearing any of you share about your spouse, I just mentioned that in another thread, I think the quote one.

Anthony, for the longest time it was difficult for me to go to weddings or funerals, I still can't say as it's easy, but yes, it stirs up many memories.