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How Do I Get Though The Daily Pain

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Dave' has been gone for almost two month and the lose is still overwhelming. I miss him so much nothing seems right anymore. My mind knows he's gone and not coming back, but heart just wants him back so bad. The tears are always on the edge of my life. How do I live with such pain in my heart and the loneliness. I just want to be with him. How can love hurt so bad.

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Dear Jn715

I am so sorry you are in such pain. I do think you will probably feel overwhelmed by this loss for a while. It is a tough journey but we all make it by shedding our tears, holding on to each other and sharing. The pain, over time and tears, does not always feel as devastating....but at two months you are still raw and even in a fog of sorts. I think love hurts so bad because we loved so much...that person became a part of who we are and so it is like losing part of us...especially with a spouse where the loss affects every single aspect of our lives. I just said to someone that I could not even brush my teeth without missing Bill because his toothbrush was right there...I could not drink coffee without thinking of him because he was the one who made it each day and brought it to me. ON and on and on...everything we do is touched by this loss. It will not always feel so gut wrenching...stick with this group...we will all support you.

Peace for just a moment,


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I am so sorry that you are feeling such pain, Jn. And of course it is overwhelming. You have lost someone so very important in your life. You will never stop missing Dave. It will get less painful as you move to create a new life for yourself. Please let those tears flow for they are healing to anyone who suffers the loss of a loved one.

I think we learn to live with our loss because that is how we heal. We will always have the deep hurt in our hearts because our hearts have been ripped open and nothing will make them whole again. This is ‘fog’ time for you. Everything will hurt. It is how it is suppose to be. It is all ‘normal.’ You are grieving. Your comfort will come from those who are close to you and in knowing that you have found this place to express yourself and no one will judge you.

Perhaps this link to our moderator’s site will help you as it did me. I still try to read to understand. I am taking Marty’s E-Mail Course – The First Year of Grief: Help for the Journey and it does help me to understand what’s happening to me now that I am a different person than I was ten months ago. Peace to you. Anne


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Know that what you are feeling and going through, we all have, it is esp. rough in the earlier months. It's hard to believe but you do get more used to it...not that we ever like it, we don't. I remember feeling panicky, scared, and the pain was unbearable! If anyone would have told me I would have survived another nearly eight years, I wouldn't have believed it...I didn't see how I could make it a month or a year. Like Mary and Anne said, let the tears fall, continue to express yourself, it helps you to feel you're restoring some of the power you felt you lost when he died. It not only changes our world, but it changes us. Wail out loud! There will come a time when thoughts of Dave will put a smile on your face again, instead of tears and pain. But always you will miss him and yearn for him, that part never goes away.

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