ShanN Posted March 30, 2013 Report Share Posted March 30, 2013 My heart is so broken. The flashbacks of April 1st 1989 are so vivid, violent, and gut wrenching. My therapist set up a church mass for Monday morning and she is meeting me there. I just am so tired. I can't sleep. My head aches from so many tears. And words are so hard to find. I hate being alone, that's for certain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 30, 2013 Report Share Posted March 30, 2013 I will be thinking of you Shannon, come Monday morning and saying a prayer up for your mother and you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babbent514 Posted March 31, 2013 Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 I also will be thinking of you and sending prayers your way.I understand what you mean about not having the words for how you are feeling.Sending you hugs..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted March 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 Shedding many many tears. In two days from this evening... It will be the day that monster stole My Mom from me. And right now I need her more than I ever have. Haven't a clue what it would be like having her in my these adult years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 31, 2013 Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 I'm sorry, Shannon. I never had a mom like that so I don't know what it'd be like either. Life sure isn't fair, is it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted March 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 I know Kay... I'm so sorry you never had a good relationship with love from your Mom. (((Hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted March 31, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 I woke a hour ago from flashbacks of my stepfather killing my Mom. God this is so hard. I keep praying to her to help guide me to help ease my a hing heart to please be near to me. I am not a hateful person. In fact I hate the word hate. But I HATE that he hurt my beautiful Mama and stole her from me. Listening to music... To try to drown out the horrible flashbacks. Trying trying trying... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babygirl3 Posted April 2, 2013 Report Share Posted April 2, 2013 Praying for you I am new to the site but I'm reading over post. I'm so sorry for your loss. I experience flashes of my Dad and it seems so unreal. I've never experienced this type of pain. It has completely changed me. My life and I really don't know how to move forward. Every loss is so different. I truly can't imagine your pain because I know the hate I feel towards cancer. It's like continually trying to make sense of the unthinkable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 April 1st was so difficult. Unfortunately early yesterday morn I started getting really sick. Vomiting diarrhea severe body aches and fever. So bad. I ended up going to the ER at 1am this morning. My thermometer broke but when I got there they took it, it was 103.2. Orally. I new it was probably about 102... Didn't think it was that high. Took them four tries to get a vein for bloodwork and IV because I'm so dehydrated. They gave me three big bags of fluids. Promethazine for my tummy and lomotil for my loose stools. And IV Motrin and Tylenol. I picked up a bad flu. They said it may be a week to ten dys to get better. I'm home it's 9am. I'm feeling worse again. But I just have to ride it out. Sipping on water and ginger ale when less nauseas. I totally need sleep... Constant sleep. But with going to the bathroom often, it's very tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Shannon, I'm sorry it's been like this for you. Perhaps the flu took your mind of things for a bit? I hope so. I hope you can sleep. I'm glad you got something for your tummy too. Wow, you've had so much on your plate, I just wish for some relief for you. But you've made it past Apr. 1st once again. It's good to have that behind you for another year. I know it never truly leaves, but I also know how the "anv. of" dates feel. Now get some sleep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 The anniversary is still hitting me. My 40th birthday is on the 18th and our wedding anniversary is the 20th and its so hard without Leo. I'm still very sick. The ER contacted my dr this morning. He has me on Zithromax because of cause or concern that this big flu may be a precursor to pneumonia... With the very high temps and body pain. I took the first dose... I held it down but it is making me nauseas and making my loose stools worse. But at least I got it in me. Obviously I cannot see Leo for a while. I had an hour nap. I need like a 48 hour nap... Seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 3, 2013 Report Share Posted April 3, 2013 Can the doctor give you something to help you sleep? It seems that'd be the best thing for you! I'm sure the anv. is still hitting you, it's not like the feelings expire like the date does. I pray you can let it all go for a while and just sleep. I'm glad you were able to hold the Zithromax down. Is Leo able to talk on the phone for a few min. day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 I have a question... Completely unrelated here. Have you heard of having a strep infection in the intestinal tract? I'm still very sick. And my dr has diagnosed this. I did sleep last night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 5, 2013 Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 No, I haven't, but you could google it for more info. Strep infections can be quite serious, I know my son had to be hospitalized when he was little because of it. I'm so glad you slept, the best thing for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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