A Friend Of George Lost His Wife

[kayc]

I got a msg on FB today...these friends disappeared after George died and I found her on FB in Sept. She was supposed to call me but never did. Today her husband IM'd me that she passed away and her service is tonight.

I haven't heard from them in nearly eight years. Still, I was prepared to go to her service, out of respect for George, for her husband and what he's going through, for their children. But the address I was given is that of a professional building and I have no idea which suite or where to go to. There's architects, a glasses place, etc. and I don't understand where her funeral could possibly be held in that building.

But don't you think it odd one would ignore you for eight years and then let you know their wife died and oh by the way, the funeral is tonight, I hope you can make it? I mean, like, where were they for the last eight years?

I can't wrap my head around it, am I wrong to feel so confused?

[mfh]

Kay, he must have given you the wrong address by mistake. As for why he notified you...he might have sent a message to all his wife's Facebook friends or posts. Another mystery unsolved. It is too bad that you were not able to attend. I am sorry.

Peace

Mary

[marsha]

No, you aren't wrong. Kay, it sounds like you were on "the list" of people to call/message. Acknowledge it, give a quiet prayer, and let it go.

[LarrysGirl]

Kay, while I'm sorry for this family's loss, the behavior does not surprise me. The "friends" I had before Larry's death that I never hear from, I feel for certain that when they have some tragedy in their life they will call like I am their long lost friend, come to think of it, I am their long friend they "lost". It may sound like I'm bitter, no I was terribly hurt. Like Marsha said, say a prayer for the family. Deborah

[kayc]

No, actually, it was a personal msg he sent to me through her FB, it wasn't a generic one to all. But yeah, he must have given me the wrong address, I understand under the circumstances, one doesn't think clearly. Oh well, I had my phone no. in there, if he wants to call sometime, I'm here, I'll be gracious...which is more than I can say for all of the "friends" that disappeared when George died!

I was just wondering if my feelings were out of norm...judging from what you guys are saying, I guess not.

[Cakes01]

I read this earlier and thought i had left a comment.

This made me really angry. I don't think you are wrong Kay for how you feel. I do feel for the family, but seriously-not even a phone call to you in 8 yrs! To me it would feel like they are saying my lose is not as devastating as theirs. I'm sorry you were treated this way

[kayc]

Well I've had some contact with the daughter on FB lately, who is all grown up and married now, she's real sweet. She gave me her dad's number and said I should call him. So I did, to express my condolences and tell him I know what it's like...the man asked me out!!! His wife is barely stiff and he asks me out? I told him no way, I'm happy with my dog...and he can take that any way he likes it.

Am I wrong to feel this is totally offensive? Not just to me, but more importantly to his wife?!

[mfh]

Oh, Kay

That is amazing...but common and yes, in my books, offensive especially to his wife but I imagine she would not be shocked. I love your response about the dog... I agree...totally offensive.

Mary

[Cakes01]

I'm with Mary totally offensive. Good for you for sticking with your dog. Animals are awesome

[marsha]

Huh? What?? I had to read this twice. Really? "Oh, yeah, Mr. (whatever his name is), I'll be more than happy to jump right in there..." People amaze me. I'll be nice now and just say he's not in his right mind. Actually, Kay, at 5 years I find it kinda funny, in a sad way. At one or two years I would have wanted to rip his throat out. And therein is the synopsis of the grief journey, lol.

[kayc]

He even had the nerve to say his wife and George would get a kick out of it. I think NOT! What galled me is he used THEM to try and weasel his way in! The conversation was pretty short after that. Mr. Rick, that's his name. Grrr!

[feralfae]

Oh, Kay,

I would have just hung up. You have more patience than I have. I have had to change when I go to service, because I got so disgusted with a couple of men who began asking me out to dinner as soon as I went back to church. And some days I dread going just because they do not give up! I don't mean I will never date or maybe even marry again, but I am certainly not ready yet. Mr Rick is merely the nadir of being a jerk, in my book. Okay, so he may be in deep pain and lost and not knowing what else to do, but your response was still spot on. I am thinking we need black armbands, really, to let people know we are not ready or open to being asked out.

I am so glad that the cat is better, that Arlie is well, and that you have some rest.

I am sort of taking a part of a page from Anne's book today, and I have out my BCP, Bible Rumi, Frost, the Tao, and a couple more books, and I am planning to go out and sit on our favorite bench under the big, wise tree, and read and pray today.

The Godsons were here yesterday, so the guest room is mostly restored, many things are down from the attic for sorting and packing, the carrier top is on the CRV for the trip, and the antique bell is down from the tree branch out by the drive. There are two daffodils blooming in one of the flower beds. I see a few tulips coming up in another bed, and the strawberries are pushing up new leaves in the big, fenced garden.

Sorting our things from the attic is not going to be easy, so I am not going to tackle the fly-fishing gear, Doug's boxes of books and notes, nor the trunk of his Army Ranger stuff today, filled with medals, awards, notes, all his commendations, and those achievement patches. Yesterday wore me out entirely, but so much is done. I mostly supervised, but also had to help with several things, and I thought my knees would buckle by the time the boys left -- to go play another soccer game! Their energy amazes me!

But I did get the tent well along, and the dragonflies, with the interference paints, are heavenly beautiful. I keep getting more creative and crazy with each dragonfly, so who knows, the tent may end up looking like a wild thing, but that is okay, too. I may work on it more today once I feel more rested. I am still in bed, and my arms, back, legs and even my hands are aching from all the work yesterday. But it was so much fun to have the boys here, talking about college (their older brother is already in college, and these two are only a year and three years away from leaving for university). They are just delightful, open, caring, and brilliant young men. They walk around and check the house when they are here ask ten times if there is anything else I need done, and are just sweet and thoughtful boys.

So, if you are around here later, I will catch up with you after morning meditations and prayers.

I am glad you are doing well, being feisty, and standing your ground!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Kay, this guy certainly acted like a user. So glad you gave him the messages you gave him...not that he got it at all. yes, using George was the straw that broke the camel's back. So he is lonely and sad, aren't we all. That does not mean you just step on someone else's pain. Good for you for attempting to communicate with him and giving up almost instantly.

Mary

[kayc]

He doesn't have a clue. He will probably drown his sorrows in women and/or other things, and we all know that doesn't work well. I know he's hurting, I know he loves his wife, I also know he hasn't a clue what to do about it. He's working around the clock, trying to keep busy so he doesn't have to think. I get that. But I won't be a pawn.

fae, I love interference paints (I've used them in my cards and coasters...stamping), so fun! I also love dragonflies, so much fun to paint! Only I cheat, I start with my stamped image.

[mfh]

Kay, you see him and of course he is lonely and loves his wife and is lost, (sadly) but you are also wise enough to know you are not the person to reach out to him.

Mary

[kayc]

I'm not seeing him, not at all! Just talked that once on the phone.