Wifflesnook Posted April 5, 2013 Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 As many of you know (I've been in this forum a while) my beloved husband of almost 50 years died last May after suffering a stroke the previous November. I am struggling to say the least. I'm not crying and sobbing much, but just almost passive with grief. I find that I am still in a state of denial that he has truly died, and when the realisation does hit me I somehow distract myself by reading of listening to the radio, anything to fill my mind. I also have to regularly go to see our daughter who is a single mother of a three year old and a baby. They are my joy but also very very tiring for me (I'm 72). Anyway all this is a preamble to ask help. Yesterday, rather than suppressing my feelings as usual I confronted them in two ways. I read a lot of Pete's emails and edited them into a document (to someone else but they contain news about what he and I were doing not long before the stroke hit), and I played a piece of music we loved (Mahler, which I haven't been able to bear listening to). I ended in floods of tears, sobs àfter sobs. Did I feel better or worse after this? Should I do it again? Or should I just let the grief come when it comes? Should I deliberately bring on the pain? If as I know, I am deliberately suppressing it, is that harmful in the long run? I meditate daily (or mostly), I'm trying to bring myself to tend our garden (he was the gardener) believe me I am trying really hard to live on without him, in a bleak bleak world. But how to deal with it? Can any of you advise me? Thanks. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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