In Darkness Comes The Light

[Cakes01]

Jan C

We haven't spoken, but i wanted to tell you how sorry i am for your loss. I know you must miss Pete so deeply. I can relate to what you said about all your love for him being for only the two of you. I've had people say "put it into your work"or "you're young you'll find someone else" whether they mean well or not it still secretly gets to me cause some just don't get it.

I hope you are hanging in there and having a peaceful day. Hugs to you.

[Wifflesnook]

Dear Kristen

How lovely to come on the forum late at night (I'm in England and its 11pm) and find that lovely message from you. I've been reading the thread you posted on and was feeling so much for you. The reason I haven't been joining in is that yesterday I was looking after a three year old and an almost one year old grand daughter whilst my daughter went for a days conference in London and after being in charge of them from five am to 8 pm I was exhausted. And today we all went shopping so I'm exhausted in a different way. I look forward to getting to knw you. You will already have found that the people on this forum understand what it's like to lose a soul mate. Age has nothing to do with it. I can't write much as its late but I just wanted to say hello. We all support each other here as you can see. Jan

[enna]

Pleasantly surprised to find you on this thread but so glad you are looking around the different ones. That is how we get our strength. I cannot answer any questions that begin with WHY? I used to ask and have learned that it is just how life is – think of who we would be if we could answer that WHY question!

You will cry and be mad during this journey and that is all right.

People do mean well and they really don’t ‘get it’ so we have to accept their kindness and just accept that they do not understand. It is too soon for you to have things all together right now. Many of us are months and years into our grief yet we do move through this Kristen… each at our own pace and not without much work.

Remember, slow and breathe, slow and breathe. That is what I have learned here.

You will love Jan – we are two peas in a pod – both of us have lost our loves around the same time. Both of us will be remembering our first year without our Pete and Jim this May. Believe it or not both of us are moving through our journeys with our Pete and Jim right in our hearts as you will always keep Marcus. Hugs Anne

[Cakes01]

Hi Jan

Thank you for your kind words. It really does touch me when people reach out to me. It doesn't happen much in person so it's very comforting to come here and be heard. It sounds like you've been very busy which i've heard is good. Especially with kids. They can take your mind off the sadness if only for a little while. I'm so glad you have them. Hope you get some much deserved rest.

[Cakes01]

Hi Anne,

Yes I've been looking around. Reading stories when up to it. I did have at least one thing a day that i had to get done, but not today. I just layed around and cried. I want to get out of my skin. This was always my worst nightmare come true. I would tell Marcus my biggest fear was not losing him to another woman, but losing him to death. I needed to die first because i couldn't live without him. I know it probably sounded like just a greeting card line, but i felt it inside. I couldn't-i can't. I don't want to. I have to go see my lawyer tomorrow and do an overnight at a clients house. I have no desire to do anything. I want to just diappear.

Deep breaths are something that Marcus used to always practic. He would breath deeply with me to get me to calm down-be in sync with him. I miss his smell....

I hope you had a nice relaxing day. Was it?

[kayc]

Kristen, I too apologize for not being on here yesterday, normally I am at least once a day. Yesterday was my "once a month" to take my disabled sisters out...handling wheelchair & walker & looking out for one's balance all day wears me out so I came home and crashed!

Today was "do housework" day and then Arlie (my "moose" of a dog) and I headed to the park so he could sniff to his heart's content.

There are a lot of posts here, If you do a search on our oldest posts, you can see where we were when we were new at this.

[Wifflesnook]

I am trying to catch up as I've only just got home from Leeds. I will be seeing our daughter and the two little girls a week on Thursday as they are coming for the Spring Bank holiday, when we have the anniversary of Pete's death and Rosie-Mae's first birthday. A difficult time, and I'm still struggling with how to mark it. No doubt I will be talking about this quite a bit and I know you will all understand. Need to rest for a few days now. It's lovely to see them but I couldn't keep up that pace for long. Not sure how our daughter does it but she does. So it's rest, rest and rest again for me.

[kayc]

Spring Bank Holiday? Haven't heard of it, is it just something in your area? I know it will be hard, Jan, we'll all be here for you when you want to talk about it. I'm glad your daughter and grandbabies will get to be with you, that has to help. It's hard to believe we once had your daughter's energy, huh! (My daughter has Thyroid problems and I only wish she could have the energy she should at her age.)

[Wifflesnook]

In the UK we have a bank holiday weekend which used to be Whitsun which now is fixed at the end of May and another at the beginning of May which is the one we have soon. Eeeek i think a mouse just ran along the wall in our living room. Good thing I am not freaked out by mice.

[Wifflesnook]

Oh yes I have seen it again! I have a humane mouse trap as we dont like killing stuff. better put it down! We live in the country so this isnt so unusual

[feralfae]

OH, Jan!

I am laughing!

Wonderful memories. We lived ever further out in the country in a big log house, David and I, not Doug, this was years and years ago. Sometimes we would be sitting in the living room reading quietly, and a little mouse would swiftly run up the trim on the edge of the stairs. Sometimes, we would hear little mice talking in the wall next to the stairs. Twenty-zillion (slight exaggeration) various mousetraps and cages, hole plugging projects, and parameter caulking later, we decided that we were, in fact, living with mice. We put all the foods in glass containers or big plastic buckets, and scattered little humane traps around.

The third time in one day that David emptied a trap, he declared open season on mice, and went to buy a slab of bacon rind, all the way in town, so he could begin the slaughter with their favorite bait.

On the way to town, the car slid off the icy road. As David sat in the car, pondering fate and waiting for the tow truck, he decided that we were not supposed to kill the mice. He did not get any bacon rind for the traps. We used metal flashing painted architectural bronze to fence the parameter of the house, and it cut down on the mice visitors.

But then, a year later ... there were the baby pine squirrels that were born on top of the box valances. We found them climbing down the drapes. Grandson Sterling (now in grad school) was three at the time, and he came running to our bedroom, shouting, "Nana, Pawpaw, there are baby squirrels all over the living room!" He was on vacation from Evanston with his mom, and we were living on the Montana/Idaho border. He was thoroughly charmed with the baby squirrels.

It is nice to live with mice, just not very many of them. I hope you can catch them and send them outside to new homes. And thank you for sparking off some fun and wonderful memories of 'Days of Living With the House Mouse.'

Jan, I hope you get lots of rest these next few days. Remember, you can always excuse yourself from company and go take a nap, even if you just need a bit of quiet time. My great Aunt used to excuse herself to take naps in the afternoon, but she really went into her room to read and get away from the howling children running up and down all the stairs, and there were four floors to the big old rambling house. So, you could just look sleepy, and tell everyone to clean the kitchen, or wash all the linens or something, or dust the house, and YOU go take a nap or a rest. Everyone will feel good for it.

Have a wonderful rest time for now!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Wifflesnook]

Well I am in bed and have left the mouse to its own devices. I knew I had one (tell tale leavings) and now I have to do something about it. We bait the humane traps with peanut butter or chocolate and re home the mice almost a mile away because somehow they come back if you don't take them a long way. They are so sweet. Little field mice and very cute but my daughter would not appreciate them when she comes next week with the littlies. Fae I'm not sure about sneaking off for a nap. I dare not. Sometimes I take Ellie for a 'quiet time' and we both fall asleep though. Love your stories Fae.

[kayc]

That is funny, but the last time I had a mouse in the house is when Arlie found the rat poison which I'd forgotten about from years ago. Yes, traps are better as you can release them unharmed and then your dog doesn't get himself poisoned in the process. I may be slow, but I learn!

Let us know when you catch it!

[mfh]

We had to trap an entire family 9- of racoons once. We got a live trap and wires a sardine can in it full of sardines (they LOVE them). One by one we got them...a baby went in first on a pouring rain night. I felt sorry for the baby as the rest were outside the trap...so Bill went out at 2am and released the baby. The next night we did it again and ultimately relocated them to a new home. We also did the live trap for field mice when we lived in the country. Our dog went nuts trying to catch one in the house...Memories...

[enna]

Today is the eleventh month of my Jim's death. I woke up thinking of what it was he loved most (besides me) and I found what I think is the perfect thing. Jim loved anything in nature and he could sit and listen to any bird and whistle their song. Today my heart is filled with this memory of Jim. Anne

[kayc]

Oh Anne, how beautiful!

[Wifflesnook]

Anne I am trying to turn all my unhappiness into gladness that Pete lived and loved life. When (so often) I feel so unhappy that Pete isn't here to share something with me that we used to share, I am trying to remind myself that he loved those things so much. I think you are guiding me in this because this is what you do all the time.

[Wifflesnook]

Tonight is the full moon. It's raining here so I won't be able to see it. I have a candle burning for Pete and I have read his moon poem. I hope he is with me somehow.

[mfh]

Anne, this is a lovely video. Thinking of you today on this anniversary and what a lovely tribute you found for Jim.

I love the birds and they remind me of my mom who adored birds and when she lived at the monastery we put feeders outside of her window. My brother got her a canary and she "secretly" told me one day that she did not want to hurt my brother's feelings but she did not like to see the canary in a cage as it was not fair to a flying creature to cage it. So, of course, we found it a new home. Our village is now a bird city.

I wonder how you are feeling today.

I am home from the art workshop...left an hour or so early. Lots to practice but not today. Sunny but chilly here.

Take care. Mary

[mfh]

Tonight is the full moon. It's raining here so I won't be able to see it. I have a candle burning for Pete and I have read his moon poem. I hope he is with me somehow.

Jan, I know it is dark there now and though you can't see the moon, like Pete, it is there shining upon you. How lovely that you are allowing yourself to grieve as you also give yourself some positive messages. I believe deeply that we can do both...grieve and be grateful. We can carry both of them and you are doing that. Peace and love, Mary

[enna]

I am glad that you liked the video, Kay, Jan and Mary. I love birds and so did Jim and I loved how he would whistle along with the birds when he was sitting on the patio.

He was always in a good mood. He just loved life so. I liked the story of your mom not wanting to cage the canary, Mary. My feeling exactly…

Today I am feeling good. It is a different kind of a day. Not so full of sadness as peaceful with pleasant memories of Jim. More than I have experienced those first ten months! Simple things have brought a smile to my face – like Jim’s love of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a glass of milk (I had one today with one slice of bread even though I am not suppose to have bread). I remembered the time we went tubing down the Salt River when we first came to AZ. I thought both of us were going to die as we tried to stay in our inner tubes. I guess the kids thought we’d enjoy it. This is something the college kids do on Spring Break not senior citizens! We laughed about it. I remember when we went to the White Tank mountains and hiked way too far on a trail and when we found a place to sit down we both looked out over the city of Phoenix and marveled at how beautiful everything looked. Sometimes things just take your breath away. There are other memories but the thing I feel different about on this eleventh month of Jim’s death is how calm I’ve been today – not really sad just calm. I have flowers blooming all around the house – the mound in the back is full of yellow and gold and red and purples – butterflies are feeding on them. Our orange and lemon trees have fruit on them. The Jacaranda Tree has turned green and I’m hoping to see those purple flowers soon. Several hummingbirds are flying around and little finch and mockingbirds are making noises. I miss Jim but I feel like he is all around me.

Oh Mary, you always get to me whenever you ask me how I’m feeling!!! Tears now are happy ones. I am glad you cut your day short today. We all will be looking forward to your home being back in order. My landscapers are coming on Monday and I am going to have them plant some rose bushes around the front entrance and along the side of the garage. I hope I will be able to take care of them.

I'm having a small dinner party tonight so I better get busy and set the table (yellow table cloth with a variety of colored tulips). The meal will be simple: salad, ribeye, baked potato, green beans and sherbert for dessert! I can't have ice cream so neither is anyone else tonight. Anne

[kayc]

I wish you could have seen the full moon, Jan. You, like myself and so many here, appreciate all there is about nature!

Mary, glad you were able to learn some new things in your art class today, glad you're resting up from it now!

Anne, me too, I have so many hummers flying around this year! I'll have to make some fresh nectar for them again tonight...

[MartyT]

Anne, my dear, your words warm my heart ~ and make me miss the Valley of the Sun! It is so good to know that you are taking pleasure in all the beauty that surrounds you ~ which leads me to think of all the chaos that surrounds you right now, Mary ~ I do not tolerate disorganization easily either, and I don't think this very cold, wet, grey, flower-less and delayed spring is helping your frame of mind (or mine). I wish we all could beam ourselves over to Anne's home for dinner tonight ~ It sounds delightful! But Kay, if you're seeing hummers already in Oregon, maybe there is hope for those of us in the Midwest who are still waiting for winter to end!

[mfh]

Yes, Anne, set a few more places for dinner. We will beam ourselves over...

The sun is out but when I walked Bentley around noon, it was really cold and cold wind kept me from enjoying the sun. The grass IS green and there IS birdsong. But there is not one leaf on one tree...there is no spring green in Spring Green. That seems so strange on April 24. Marty, do you have a conservatory where you are? A trip to your domes filled with flowers might help a bit. It helped me when I went on Easter.

Marty, I do need order. And since we moved here I have not had the order I need with boxes unpacked in the basement (though I am making headway there) and kitchen cabinets screaming to be re-arranged after a friend unpacked the kitchen. My energy has just not been there for me for so long and I am so tired of being tired. I can't work or concentrate in chaos...I'm with you on that. It is now over 3 weeks that I have had total chaos here and I do know that and the weather are driving me nuts. It is all small potatoes compared to what others are going through here so I just find it hard to even mention it.

Peace

Mary

[kayc]

Yes, lots and lots of hummingbirds, I just filled up the feeder although all of the "flowers" on the feeder that they drank from have disappeared, I'm hoping they can just get it through the holes.