Grieving Boyfriend, Not Sure Whether To Stay Or Leave

[Pollara]

Pollara,

Wow, he didn't do her any favors waiting!

No what I mean is that the girl was in love with him, so it would have been better if he wasn't trying to enforce himself of liking her more, but tell her to break it off sooner. I think it would have been very devastating for this girl. Well I don't know the girl, but what I mean is that if is something to happen, it will happen sooner or later.

[kayc]

Yeah, I understood what you meant...but what I meant by he didn't do her any favors is I'd rather know sooner than later that someone wasn't in it for the long haul. Even with my Jim, I wish I'd known sooner.

[plum]

Thanks Pollara and kayc!

In regards to your question Pollara, no, I don't have any contact with him. I'm sure if i got in touch with him, he would reply but frankly I have no desire to

and don't really have much interest in finding out what is going on with him. I feel like he is in my past and that I'm now moving forward with my life and starting new chapter and really he has no place in my life anymore.

So I don't know if he is doing fine or not. I hope he is doing fine, but even if he isn't, it's not really my concern anymore. He has his friends and family around him

so I think he'll be fine.

Yes I agree Pollara, even if this hadn't happened, I think we may have broken up down the road for other reasons. At the time I couldn't see this, but after taking step back and bit of time, I do realize this.

I do wish him all the best and don't have any hard feelings towards him. There was a time I was angry at him about the way he treated me towards the end, but I realized it's pointless being angry at someone who doesn't really seem to care too much about ur feelings as they're too busy sorting out their own feelings.

I don't believe in hating someone or having bad feelings about someone that you loved and deeply cared about at one stage. I feel like if you were to do that, then it will ruin all the wonderful memories u have of the times together.

Life's too short to stay angry and bitter really! How are you doing Pollara? Are you feeling better about the whole thing with ur ex?

[kayc]

You are so right, Plum, and your attitude is great!

[Pollara]

Well as you might have already read my ex decided to go on antidepressants back at the middle of July. I texted him back then to see how he is going and got no answer. I also texted him one of these days since he had changed online habbits and he was like before (when he was on his grieving state he stopped being offline and forget to turn off the pc, but now he does it). So I just texted him a hi to see how he is doing and of course I got no response. I really cannot get it where this rudeness comes from towards me. I know he answers to everyone, so I really don't get it. He also is in friendly terms with his exes (except from his previous one) so I really don't get it why he doesn't answer.

As for me, I don't cry over him and I have found new interests. I believe that I am doing fine, but I don't want to see men any more. Really, for me this story was just a reassurance to what I believed, don't trust noone. In the end, humans are selfish creatures. The same goes to me as well because I wanted at least to let him know all the pain he caused me. I know that this is pointless but since it is the only thing that i would like to do, I really want to do it.

[kayc]

Pollara, do you think he might be trying to spare you? That he's afraid if he resumes contact you will want things back the way they were? All I ever wanted was an explanation, never got it, not really. I mean he says he loved me that the breakup was just because he couldn't handle anything except his mom at the time, that he was sleep deprived and caring for her 24/7 and had nothing in him for anyone else...I suppose he must have seen our relationship as a "demand" on him and couldn't handle it...but that doesn't explain why he hasn't shown any interest in resuming our relationship once things settled down. Honestly, anyone who can't communicate better than that shouldn't BE in a relationship! I kind of feel that way about your fellow too Pollara.

[Pollara]

Honestly KayC I cannot find any other rational solution than this. That he thinks that if he speaks to me I might got my hopes up. Because we never got on a fight and I was the person who was sending gifts every week when I was in the other country. I didn't do anything to hate me and I always saying good things to our common friends about him. So unless someone has start telling terible lies to him about me (well this is somethings happens to our culture) I cannot find any other logical explanation than this. That it isn't that he holds a grudge against me or something but since he doesn't want to delay me or anything it is better to ignore me. But still I don't get it.

[kayc]

I hear you...and it hurts like the dickens, you don't deserve it.

[plum]

hey guys, hope u've all been well,

brief update, it was my 30 this week and I had been away with my new bf on holidays. I came home and my ex had sent me a hamper for my b'day.

We have had no contact for few months now. As I didn't hear from him on my actually b'day I assumed he forgot about it or didn't remember it and I wasn't sad about it at all.

However when I saw that he had sent me a hamper and he also wrote in the card that he thinks of me often and signed off with xo it made me upset for some reason.

I guess it brought back the memories. He also sent me a gift that only the two of us would know the reasons for. (our little insider joke thing)

I sent a brief email to him thanking him but don't really expect him to reply to that email as it was more of a thank you note.

I've been thinking or hoping that all this time that he is doing well and that he has moved on with his life but I guess his gift and card kind of made me feel like I had moved on but maybe he hasn't yet and I felt somewhat guilty.

Now I don't know if I'm suppose to send him a xmas card (esp as it'll be first xmas without any parents alive) and gift for his b'day next year? Or was it more of a final parting gift? what do u guys think?

[kayc]

It kind of depends...do you WANT further contact with him? Or would that just complicate things with your new BF or cause you a setback emotionally. Those are things only you can answer and decide upon.

I hope you had a great birthday!

[plum]

Thanks Kayc! yes it was a great birthday!

yes ur right. something for me to think about and decide.

[Pollara]

Happy birthday Plum!

Well it's indeed up to you to decide whether you want contact with him or not and what do you feel about him and your new boyfriend. It will certainly make things complicated, but decide what you want!