Wifflesnook Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 It's our grand daughters first birthday today and tomorrow is the anniversary of Pete's death. Right now, after a sleepless night I feel as though I can't bear life at all. I know I have to get through this, and I will, but I hope you don't mind my starting a new topic all of my own because I need hugs right now. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Jan, Here is a hug for you! It is such a mix of emotions right now. Today is a sad time indeed. I have a grand son who is now one and came a year after Kathy left. It feels like happy sad. If it wasn't for the grandchildren in my life, there would be many more sad days than happy. We all will be thinking about you on this day. Stephen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 I'm right here in line with my big hug, dear Jan. Remember to let those feeling come and then breathe ever so deeply and let them go. We are here with you and I know it is bitter sweet. Be where you are in the moment and let those around you know how you are feeling when you can. We know how important our grandchildren are to us. They bring us such joy and are so full of life. Pete is with you. Love, Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Jan, you have every right to howl and to have your very own topic imho. All of us here know and understand the significance of today and tomorrow for you. You are being required to celebrate new life today on the first birthday of your grand and tomorrow you are being called on to honor Pete's death day. Talk about switching gears. I know and we all know that on both of these days your heart and mind and soul will be on Pete and on his last day on this earth. It gets challenging to remember at these times that he IS with you in spirit and you WILL be together again. In the meantime, tears will flow. I hope you get a nap today. It is 2pm there and it is time for a nap!!! Will William be there for the party today? Hug is on the way. Mary I just saw this on Facebook: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Marianne Williamson Group prayer and love blast for all those who are grieving a loved one: Dear God, For those who grieve someone they love, please bring them peace.May their inner eye be opened to the non-reality of death, the eternal nature of life, and the endless bonds of love. May their hearts be comforted and their tears be wiped away. Amen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srm Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Jan, Here is a (hug) for you. I know you will get through it, I know it will be so hard. Be gentle with yourself, remember to breathe. You are in my thoughts. Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Dear Jan, {{{{{HUGS}}}}} I am so sorry that you are passing through this terribly rough time. I hope you can find joy in the birthday. I hope you can find more joy in the knowledge that Pete is there with you. I woke up this thinking. "It's all right that Doug is not here beside me. He is not sick now. And he is still with me. It is my heart that has healed enough to know this, and to know that if there is an absence, it is only an illusory one. It is all right." It is not all right that we cannot touch them, but it is wonderful that they are still in our lives. I hope the day goes well, that you can take some time for yourself, to be alone and sit with your grief, and perhaps then share some of it with your family as well. I send you healing and hope, blessings and more {{{HUGS}}} for flowers and Spring, and also some *<twinkles>* fae *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Jan, dear, we're all embracing you in warm hugs, that's for sure. As Mary pointed out, you are caught between two extremely significant days: your precious granddaughter's first birthday and the first anniversary of your beloved's death. Bear in mind that we humans are quite capable of holding two (or more!) totally conflicting feelings at the very same time: joy and sorrow can co-exist, and it's okay to experience both. In fact, it is healthy to do so. Fall apart if and when you need to, and simply explain to your little darling that it's only because you love her grandfather so much and you are missing him. Then wrap that little angel in your loving arms and celebrate her birth with the rest of your family. We are thinking of you, dear Jan, and sending all our love and support to you. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Dear Marty, What perfectly beautiful advice. How loving. Thank you for that loving reconciliation of feelings. fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Jan, I so agree with Marty...that we can hold two apparently conflicting emotions simultaneously....I think it is how we will go through life from now on...joy and pain, gratitude and grief...all residing within us simultaneously. Marty's advice, imho, is absolutely right on and lovely and if you fall apart in front of your family, any of them, it becomes an opportunity for them to learn that it is ok to do that. We are all with you these days. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Oh Jan, you have hugs! (((Jan))) My heart is with you today on this anv. of Pete's death. I know those days to be among the hardest in a journey we didn't ask to travel. The only good thing about loss are the people here that share in it with us and the things we've learned as a result of having traversed this. When we are down it gives others the opportunity to pick us up, so I hope today you will find someone who does just that...someone whose kindness makes a real difference to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted May 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 Oh everyone thank you. What a wonderful community this is and I am so blessed to have found you. I feel supported by all your love and messages. I will find strength tomorrow, not least I believe because somehow Pete is giving it to me. If that were not so I would not be standing upright. Our daughter has been wonderful. She is a true blessing, and her two little ones keep me in this world. Tomorrow, the anniversary, our plan is to visit our field. I've only managed two visits since Pete had the stroke in November 2011. But paths are being cut for me and I know that it will be ok to see it - not neglected. It's a lovely field, which we considered to be a little nature reserve. It has a natural pond. We loved it with a passion, which is why I have been reluctant to go. But our little three year old will love it and we will take a little picnic. I know we will weep. I hope we will feel Pete near. Who knows? Thanks again. Love Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted May 3, 2013 Report Share Posted May 3, 2013 I am so glad you are going to the field...a perfect spot for tomorrow. Remember, the day may not be as hard as you anticipate. Many of us found that the day itself is not as bad as the time leading up to it. And yes, I believe Pete will be there and is there now. So glad you have Raine and the grands. Peace to your heart, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Dear Jan, I hope you had a wonderful day! You will probably read this while we are all sleeping, so Good morning, and have a day of peace, love, and delight with your family. I am so happy you will in a place of wonderful memories and love today. I am tossing lots of *<fairy dust>* your way for a day of love, happiness, celebration, sharing, and spirit. *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted May 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 I dreamed of Pete last night. A lovely dream. Thank you everyone for your love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Thinking of you on this anniversary and so glad Pete came to you in your dream last night. What a huge huge huge gift! I celebrate that with you. I know waking after being with them in dreams can be bittersweet, at least it is for me. But I also would love to dream of Bill every single night in spite of the pain it also brings. I hope you have a meaningful day and not too busy. Whatever you get done is what you get done. Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Enjoy your days with your family, dear Jan. So glad that you had a 'lovely dream' of Pete last night. Our lives are full of ups and downs. I guess that is what we are learning about riding the waves or rolling with the roller coaster during our journeys. I am hoping that the weather there will cooperate so you can be in the little native reserve where you and Pete spend so much time. Are there lotus growing in the pond? Thinking of you these days. Love, Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted May 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 It was good being in the field wit the family. I'm glad we did it. We also made a birthday cake for the party on Monday, planted some flowers, and ate sme stewed rhubarb that Pete had planted. Also lit a candle and had a glass of wine and toasted him. The day was bearable. Thanks all my friends. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Dear Jan, I am delighted to hear that the day went well: it was bearable. That is nice. I am going to make you smile now: every time I see the title of this thread, I think of a lone wolf, howling on the moors of Scotland, where there is a monument to the last wolf in GB being killed, with a date, which I think was 1917, but maybe earlier. I see you howling on the moors. Just so you know what images one word can evoke. It does sound as though you had a good day. I hope that tomorrow you can rest and maybe have an hour or so to meditate, sit in silence, just be with you. Much Love and *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted May 4, 2013 Report Share Posted May 4, 2013 Jan, I hope you are sound asleep as it is midnight there and you had a full and sacred day honoring Pete and the love you share/d. I am glad it went well and was not as difficult as you thought it might be...many of us here have learned that once the day finally arrives...it is ok. Sleep well. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes01 Posted May 5, 2013 Report Share Posted May 5, 2013 Jan, I'm sorry i just saw this when i went to your page. Big hugs to you. I too hope you are sound asleep having good dreams of your beloved Pete. I will toast to you both with a glass of wine. Just one You are in my thoughts. Kristen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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