Coming Back To Hov After Three Years....

[LindaG]

Hello-

I don't know how many of you remain from late 2009 and 2010 but I hope there are still a few writing. I've not been posting since 2010 and have tried - tried - tried - to rebuild a life of some sort. I find myself unfocused and still at times very overwhelmed. I am involved in another relationship that must end. I tried to fill the void of the loss with a man that is bi-polar and in need of more than I can give to him. Leaving him is yet another loss - it would be a positive move but will feel like a loss.

I've yet to return to my Business full time. I did try to re-ignite the passion for what I used to do but I just can not focus. I have worked for other people and that structure seems to work better right now. I'm an Interior Designer.

I'm at the point that I may seek professional care to deal with loss in a way that will help me become more functional. I feel okay and then it hits me... like an ebb and flow... the grief and despair.

I'm wondering how some of the other widows/widowers from 2009 and 2010 are doing? Am I alone with these feelings and insecurities?

It is nice to be back and I'm hoping to reconnect with the people that were so wonderful three years ago.

Blessings and Peace,

Linda G

[kayc]

Linda,

I don't know if you read my response to you yesterday (another thread), but I've been here almost eight years and was around when you were here before. No, you aren't alone.

No offense to someone Bipolar, but not sure you need that kind of problems to deal with. I too tried to "rebuild my life" and it didn't work...I finally reached the place of accepting my life as it is, alone, and I'm doing okay. It did take a while. I'm glad you're considering seeking professional help. Grief does hit in waves, I've learned to accept that too and not fight it.

You will find this a good place to come to, there are some wonderful insightful people here.

[Queeniemary]

Linda I joined this site in April, 2010, found it after my husband died in January, 2010. I do understand the feeling of insecurity and the "I just don't know what to do" feelings. There are days that I feel more in control, and there are days I just want to throw up my hands.

I kept feeling that I should date, I am lonely, but this is small town, everyone knew Mike, and I don't think I would feel comfortable with anyone here. Tried Senior Match.com.......so totally not for me! I have finally come to the same conclusion that Kay did, I am going to be alone, and might as well get used to it. I hate being totally responsible for things here at the house. Having to have kitchen and dining room floors redone due to leaky dishwasher, and replacing dishwasher.....Mike used to do all those things, or at least see to them. Don't like being in charge, even if I am getting good at it.

Sorry the relationship is not what you needed, but I think you are smart to end it.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

Along those lines, I have gotten rather used to being alone and like it. Of course I'd throw it over in a heartbeat if George were to come back! But that's different, with him I felt comfortable, we both had each other's best interests at heart, and never tried to "control" or "change" each other, we just appreciated each other and had faith in each other. We enjoyed the same things...nature, animals, a good cup of coffee, a great country song, going for a drive in the country, leisurely walks in the country, we could talk about anything/everything, or just sit quietly and hold hands. We just loved being together and sharing life together. But I can't possibly hope to have that with anyone again, I was fortunate to have had it at all! I miss cuddling, talking over our day, someone to go places with, and yes, sharing chores. George did his level best to "take care of me", just as I did him, in different ways. I don't relish being in charge of everything on the place, I do what I can and the rest...suffers. Never enough $ or time for it all. But somehow we all survive.

This morning I felt a fleeting moment of happiness as Arlie and I watched it snowing. It is for those "moments" that I live. I have learned not to be wistful for a "happy life" and instead enjoy "this moment of happiness". I have learned to be content.