ShanN Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 It has been one week three hours and thirty mins since my love joined my Mama and my Nana and others and his twin brother in Heaven. It is still very surreal and numbing yet painful at the same time. Not many tears. I really am very kind of almost aloof, detached, stoic... Most hours in the day. I do remember after my Mama's murder when I was 15... I felt this way very often... Especially trying to get through high school. But it feels so different with Leo. I don't know. I just can't seem to make sense... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 Dearest Shannon, It does not need to make sense right now. All that needs to be right now is that you eat, rest, drink lots of fluids, stay with people who love and care for you, and have time to simply be with yourself in your grief. You are numb with shock, grief, loss, and so deeply bereft of Leo that of course you cannot figure out what is going on. Just try to let it be for five minutes at a time. Let yourself sit in peace as much as you are able to do so. Sip warm tea and read if you can. I re-read all of Madeline L'Engle's books for children, Robert Frost's poetry, and other readings that soothed me and took me back to safer, more innocent years of my life. It truly helped. I think it is too soon to tell you to be there for yourself as you were there for Leo. You need more time to be able to begin to focus on caring for you, so for today, ask for more help, let people help you as much as they can, and ask people to care of you and help you through these next days of great sorrow and sense of loss. Reach out for all the help you can find, dear one. I am sending love and prayers to you. *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 Shannon, It is enough just to get through today. Focus on today. You are trying to get well, and your job today is to rest and drink plenty of fluids, eat a little something, perhaps some soup, whatever you can tolerate. Maybe try listening to some soft music. Rest... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 Nothing can make sense right now, your mind and body and trying cope, take good care of yourself with plenty of rest if you can. Its perfectly normal to think ahead but for now try to take it alittle at a time. I know it is so hard, Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted June 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 Hello. This is Shannon's BIL. My wife is with Shannon at the hospital. She is being admitted to the inpatient psych unit. My wife said to go ahead and post an update here for you kind folks. Shannon has not been eating much. She has been in bed. We brought her to her therapist's this morning and she and the Dr were very concerned with her state of mind and lack of response. So the Dr sent her to get admitted. Leo's death has been devastating to our entire family. Only Shannon is just keeping to herself. She will be watched closely. The will evaluate her medications. And keep her hydrated and nourished however possible. Hopefully when her next round of chemotherapy comes, they will handle that as well. Mary and I thank you all for being here for our dear SIL. I tried to post a new topic but did not figure it out. I am not as computer savvy as my wife. God bless you all on your own journeys. Regards, Butch and Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 Shannon is very much in our prayers, thank you for letting us know. I appreciate that you keep a close eye on her, she's certainly had her plate full. Our condolences to both of you as well in losing Leo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted June 6, 2013 Report Share Posted June 6, 2013 Dear Butch and Mary, I am so grateful to you for posting this important update for all of us. Thank you. Obviously we care deeply about your dear Shannon, and share in your concern for her. It's good to know that she is safe and under the care of professionals who can look after her around the clock and give her the careful attention she needs and deserves. No matter how willingly you've done it, I cannot imagine what a heavy burden all of this has been for your family to bear ~ not only caring for your brother and mourning your loss of him, but caring for and worrying about Shannon as well. We will continue to hold your sister-in-law in our thoughts and prayers, and to you and your wife ~ earthly angels both ~ we send our love and gratitude. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 Thank you for letting us know how our dear Shannon is doing, Butch and Mary. I carry her in my heart as she gets the guarded help she needs. We have been so worried for her. Please let her know that we here on the forum are praying for her and wait for her return to us. I am so sorry for your losses also. We here do not forget all those who are grieving. Thank you for all you are doing during this very hard time. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted June 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 Thank you so much. I see how Shannon is loved here and holds a connection to you all. I am staying here at her place while she is in the hospital. My husband is back at our home because he needs to work tomorrow. I will be staying here going through some financial papers for Shannon and other paperwork and some other things. I don't want to just leave the place alone while she is gone. And I feel closer to Leo here. June 12 will be 9 years since my other brother (Leo's twin) passed away from the very same health issues. Sadly our little sister in Maryland can not come up here as she had a massive heart attack back in February and while she is home, she is not cleared to travel medically. So our family is managing as well as possible. I will keep you updated on Shan. Again, thank you for your love and prayers for her and our family. God Bless you all... Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 I will say a prayer for her and your family, the loss takes its toll on everyone. I'm glad she will be somewhere they can help her, Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 Thank you, Mary...God be with you and Butch as you help our Shannon. Please keep us abreast of her progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cakes01 Posted June 7, 2013 Report Share Posted June 7, 2013 I was heart broken to hear this news, but glad you both are there to make sure she gets the help she needs. I feel terrible for her and all of your family. It's good you can stand together as best you can at this time. Speaking from experience please do keep a close eye on Shannon and listen to her when she tells you things. Even things you may not at first believe. When i was admitted i was at a complete loss and i got ignored and just given lots of meds. By no means am i saying you would allow that to happen to Shannon or the place she's at is like that or bad-just keep your eyes open. I'm sure this will only help Shannon. I just wanted to share incase you've never been down this road before. I am truly sorry to all of you who have been through so much pain. I will be lighting a candle tonight for Shannon and all of her family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted June 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 Hi friends, Shannon is receiving great care. Her psychiatrist is her Dr on the inpatient unit. He knows her well enough and has not changed any of her current medications. He has added Risperdal to her regimen. Because she is still not talking, not much responsive to others, and not compliant in swallowing her pills or eating... She is getting most of her meds in shot form or in her IV. She is getting fluids and when I am there I get her to drink most of an Ensure drink. This afternoon, she was a little bit more responsive to myself, Butch, and her stepdaughter. An encouraging sign there and that she is most responsive to her therapist, who visited her today as she was on call in the ER anyhow. We know she is in there somewhere. She has survived so much in her 40 years. She will come through this too. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 8, 2013 Report Share Posted June 8, 2013 Thank you for giving us the update, Mary. Our thoughts and prayers are with Shannon and all of you. Don't forget to take care of yourselves during this most difficult time. Mention to Shannon that we are all thinking of her and sending her our love. She is indeed a very strong woman and I for one am so glad that you are there and that she is getting loving care. We all are sending hugs to Shannon and all of you. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 9, 2013 Report Share Posted June 9, 2013 We all agree she is a strong person, but she may not be feeling that way right now, I'm sure she feels fragile and close to breaking point, she's just had so much to endure. I pray there is a fighter in her that emerges and she doesn't give up. She is still young and can have much life left but probably can't see that and doesn't feel that...I remember when I was 24 thinking I was too old to start over, it wasn't my age, it was my life experiences that made me feel that way. We will keep on praying for her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted June 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 12, 2013 Hello, I just want to keep you updated on how Shan is doing. She is improving. She is med compliant and swallowing her meds. She is also eating, though very little. She is attending some of the groups. But apparently really only talking to her Dr when he meets with her daily. She is aware that tomorrow is two weeks since Leo passed. And she is aware that tomorrow is also nine years since Leo's twin (my other brother) passed on. Her grief for Leo is so overwhelming at times that she is just still and stoic and then at other times so overwhelming that she does indeed cry hard the past couple days. Her suicidal ideations are still very much there. It is so hard to see her go through this, because I lost my big brother, as I lost his twin, my other big brother, and as much pain I am experiencing, her pain is so much more. I know that losing Leo has been like when she lost her Mom, in the sense that while she was present, though under very different circumstances, there were no goodbyes. And her Mom, I know was her world for 15 years. Just as I know my brother was her world for over seven years. I know how difficult it was to give herself to Leo knowing full well his major health issues and the potential for losing him. But she did and she gave him all of her heart, soul, body, mind, and THAT means she trusted without condition. That is so much of why she is so devastated. Because after the trauma of losing her Mom, her first world, she loved Leo with just as much heart and all of her grief from her Mom's death to others deaths are all being brought back again now that she lost her love. It's hard even for me to "see the forest through the trees", but I love my SIL with all my heart and I will fight beside her everyday until she can fight on her own two feet again. I did tell her that all of you are praying for her and she just hugged me. So thank you. Blessings, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 12, 2013 Report Share Posted June 12, 2013 Dear Mary, I happened to be on the forum when you posted. Thank you so much for the update. Shannon's progress sounds encouraging. I keep her in my daily prayers and offer any discomfort that I may be undergoing for her recovery. Please continue to take care of yourselves and give our love to Shannon. She is so blessed to have you and all those who are caring for her. Give her a BIG hug from all of us. Touch is very important to anyone who is grieving - it validates that we are loved. You are so brave, Mary. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 12, 2013 Report Share Posted June 12, 2013 Shannon, I know you aren't reading right now, but when you come back I want you to know we are still upholding you in prayer and our thoughts are with you...it's been two weeks now and I know you can probably name the hours and minutes...how well I remember those early days of grief, even though my head felt like a whirlwind of fog. I am hoping the doctors will be able to help you through all of this, not only the cancer treatments, but the grief, for that affects our health as well. Keep fighting the fight...I know you can't see light at the end of the tunnel, but it exists even if we don't see it. We don't see the sun in the middle of the night but it still exists even out of sight. (((hugs))) Kay PS Mary, thank you for keeping us posted. And thank you for being there for Shannon. I know this is hard for you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted June 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2013 UPDATE ON SHAN, She is staying inpatient this week but no longer in the psych unit. She resumes Chemotherapy tomorrow and will be in the regular hospital floor, in her own room, but with a 24 hour "sitter" for her safety. She is not expressing urges to hurt herself, but with the recent events, it is a precaution. And she will still be seen by her psychiatrist and evaluated accordingly. I am sure Rose, her therapist, will visit her as well. She is still very vulnerable emotionally and physically which effect one another. So we all are praying this round of chemo won't be too harsh. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 16, 2013 Report Share Posted June 16, 2013 Oh thank you, Mary for keeping us updated. Any progess makes all of us feel so happy for Shannon. Please continue to let her know that we think of her and are praying that this round of chemo goes easier for her. She is so blessed to have you there with her. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 16, 2013 Report Share Posted June 16, 2013 Thank you, Mary. And I'm sure it feels better to her to be out of the Psych unit. Still praying for her. I hope she hears from Leo's daughter today, it has to be hard, Father's Day w/o him for the first time in years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted June 16, 2013 Report Share Posted June 16, 2013 Dear Mary, Thank you so very much for the updates on Shannon. I know you are giving her our love, and as you do, please keep some for your own grieving and deep loss as well. We are here for you as well as for Shannon, and hold both of you very close in our hearts and prayers. Please feel our love around you as well, dear Mary. And please let our love flow through you to Shannon as well. Much, much love and Blessings, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShanN Posted June 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 MESSAGE FROM SHAN: I brought Shan's iPad to her room this afternoon thinking maybe she would like to post to you all. But she had no interest because of feeling ill from chemo plus just very lost over Leo's death. (To say the least) However, she wanted me to say thank you, as I read your replies to her. She sends thanks and hugs. She really is trying so hard to pull away from everyone. Hoping she will come home Thursday. She has chemo Wednesday again. And of course I will be staying with her. Hugs, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Thanks, Mary. She may feel more like connecting with us later on down the road...I know it really helped me to find others that understood what I was going through. Withdrawing from the rest of the world is kind of normal. It's hard to see the rest of the world going on when your own life came to a stand still. She really has a lot on her plate. I hope she soon gets through the chemo and all of the side effects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted June 18, 2013 Report Share Posted June 18, 2013 Thank you Mary. Shannon has so much to deal with right now. I think it is normal to feel overwhelmed when we lose a spouse, and in Shannon's case, it has been a long letting go, then on top of that, the chemo. Her heart is broken and she has lost her love, and now she has this new struggle on her hands, too. Please give her my love, and let her know we are all praying for and with her each day. Much Love to you both, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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