A Song For The Newly Grieving

[KATPILOT]

I am now in my 28th month and I wanted to share this with those of you that find yourselves members of this terrible club non of us ever wanted to join.

When Kathy left me, I found her IPOD about a month later. She always took it on her daily walks and now it is with me often. Especially when I travel.

This one song speaks about how many of us feel and I sure can relate. It is by Dido and the title is "Here with me"

I didn't hear you leave

I wonder how am I still here

and I don't want to move a thing

it might change my memory

Oh I am what I am

I do what I want

but I can't hide

I wont go I wont sleep

I can't breathe

until your resting here with me

I wont leave I can't hide

I cannot be until your resting here with me

Don't want to call my friends

They might wake me from this dream

I can't leave this place

risk forgetting all that's been

I think it's okay to feel this way. One day you will find a way to breathe once again.

Edited June 25, 2013 by MartyT
Link inserted ♥

[kayc]

Thank you for sharing that.

[Queeniemary]

Thank you, that describes how we feel. I am now in my 41st month, starting my 42. I still get days when I am still feel this way. Too many I am afraid, but better than it used to be.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[KATPILOT]

I understand that Mary,

It does get better but we sure wish things could remain the same as they were that terrible day. I began to realize how everything wears out. I don't want to loose those furnishings because Kathy was so good at decorating. Visitors still remark about how beautifull my home is. Even my clothes which are slowly wearing out, cannot last forever. I just have to come to grips with the fact that all of it is still "just stuff". Sometimes we just want to hold on to the past. It felt like if I could just keep things exactly the same, she would still be there........... and then you get up and start another day.

Stephen

[MartyT]

Dear ones, from my heart to yours:

[mfh]

With tears rolling down my face...I listen to this song that so well, reflects my own pain and loss. Thank you, Marty. This composer/singer knows.

When I went to YouTube to save this, I saw this version which has video instead of the words. I think of Jan when I watch this version...white feathers in it.

[enna]

♫♪♬ ♫♪♬

Thank you.

[Wifflesnook]

How beautiful. I watched both. Thank you.

[KATPILOT]

Yes, thank you Marty.

[Conbon20]

I understand that Mary,

It does get better but we sure wish things could remain the same as they were that terrible day. I began to realize how everything wears out. I don't want to loose those furnishings because Kathy was so good at decorating. Visitors still remark about how beautifull my home is. Even my clothes which are slowly wearing out, cannot last forever. I just have to come to grips with the fact that all of it is still "just stuff". Sometimes we just want to hold on to the past. It felt like if I could just keep things exactly the same, she would still be there........... and then you get up and start another day.

Stephen

I am new to this grief journey. I'm only into it by 6 months. In the beginning, I went through a flurry of activity. I tried to donate alot of my husbands clothes and gave away many of his cassette tapes. I was just numb and didn't feel anything at the time. I was interrupted in my activity by the necessity of having hip replacement surgery. Now, I am recovering at home and there is still so many of my husband's things that he loved - books, tapes, magic, etc. that are still here with me. It's so hard looking at these things, so I know that I will have to deal with them as I get stronger. I miss him so very much and I hope and pray that this grief lessens. How many times can your heart break I ask myself. Thanks for listening. Connie

[KATPILOT]

Connie,

You are just six months into this. That is not a very long time. You do have to take care of yourself first so try and take the time to do just that. Hip replacement surgery is not a simple procedure and you should take whatever time it requires to heal and recover. Getting rid of things can always wait. Perhaps if you put them in a room by themselves, it wouldn't hurt so much if you weren't having to look at them.

I might ad that the grief does become more tolerable as time goes by. It doesn't really end, but you will find yourself living again one day. You will have more happy days than sad. You will cry a little less.

It just takes time. You need to allow that time for yourself. Trust me, I am still here and I didn't know at first that I would make it this far. Come here and share with others. We always want to listen.

Best hopes for you,

Stephen

[feralfae]

Dear Connie,

I hope you are taking very good care of yourself as you recover from hip surgery. If you cannot face moving or sorting things, ask family or friends to help you put things into one room. Some things do not need to be done alone, or by you, even. Ask for help, please, to get things more comfortable for you not only for the hip surgery, but more for your broken heart.

Much Love and Blessings,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

I am glad that you are home now and healing from your hip replacement, Connie. So many of us know what is has been like to be taking care of our health as we also grieve for our loved ones. I agree with others who have said that there is no time limit on when we take care of the personal belongings of our loved ones. If they bother us we can always move them to another room. I still have many of my Jim's things all around the house. They may go and then they may not go anywhere - I just don't know that yet. Anne

[kayc]

Connie,

I'm sorry you're finding yourself dealing with hip replacement. That in itself is enough to deal with, without having grieving to deal with at the same time. Alas, sometimes life doesn't plan itself out conveniently. I just feel you have so much to deal with right now, you don't need to be worrying about his things on top of it, it can wait. If they cause you pain, perhaps have someone box them up and put them in a spare room and shut the door until you're more ready to deal with it. There may be a day when his things will bring you comfort and you'll want to bring some of them back out again. I lost count of how many times I put George's pictures up, and took them down over the years, depending on if it pained me or comforted me. The important thing is to listen to that voice inside of us that tells us what is right for us at the time. I had no problem throwing away his false teeth or work clothes, and I donated most of his clothes to a good cause that I knew would mean a lot to him. By necessity I had to clean out his car to sell and his trailer to give away, but oh how I wish I'd taken more time with the trailer, it was much too soon and much too painful! I listened to his music, even though some of it wasn't my taste, in an effort to find what it was he appreciated in it. I just think we need to listen to what is best for us and that is going to vary from person to person.

[blueiis325]

I found a song I played at my husbands service. I found it on you tube. It is called Jealous of the Angels. I listen to it once in a while. Very beautiful and it fits the situation.

Bless you,

Loretta

[enna]

If this is the song, Loretta, it is very beautiful.

[kayc]

I'm crying so hard I can't see as I listen to this...looking up on the wall at a picture of George...yes, Lord knows we're jealous of the angels that get to be with our spouses.

Thanks for posting this.