ShanN Posted June 26, 2013 Report Share Posted June 26, 2013 Crying my eyes out. Chemo has not worked so far. Things are worse. Having surgery. Then much more aggressive chemo and radiation and then a bone marrow transplant. Tomorrow night is four weeks. Twenty eight days. Since my Leo left this earth. I need him more than I ever have before. I'm in for the fight of my life. And I've been here trying to digest things for the last day, wondering if I even have enough fight in me. How can I when my world was just taken away. My reason for living. I'm having surgery Thursday morning. So I won't be around. Then I will be staying in the hospital because very high dose chemo and radiation will follow before I can get the healthy bone marrow that will be donated from my brother who is a match thank God. Ironically though he and I have been on non speaking terms. But he is my big brother and I love him. So things are changing there. He will be coming out from CA with his wife and two youngest boys... Jake 5 and Jackson 14mos. Whom I've yet to meet. I hope and pray I have the strength to win this fight. It feels impossible though because I'm so shattered still in shock and in a fog losing my Leo-bear. I'm scared. But I'm scared to exist without him. I'm not much scared of this cancer. I'm crying. My heart hurts. My world was him. Just like my world was my Mama when my stepfather killed her when I was 15. Two very different circumstances, yet so similar because my world has been shattered and taken away. Will thse tears stop. It hurts so deeply to sob this hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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