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Moving On From Loss Of A Cherished Dream

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Hi, there. I need help with moving on. I think I am still grieving from the loss of a cherished dream. For three years, I didn't know I was grieving till my father recently passed away and I was looking for tips on coping with grieve for my family members. Then I found a website mentioning that a loss of a cherished dream can also cause grief, which explains a lot of what has happened to me for the past three years. I think my grief is or has been complicated now, because whenever I am idle and that I started thinking about what is going on around my life that results negatively, I tend to think that my life is lacking purpose or meaningless. This feeling bothers me a lot since it often put me in depression, so I attempted many times in search of a new dream to fill the empty slot in my mind. I used various brainstorming techniques online to help me search for it. To understand myself better, I used Chinese Zodiac and my sun sign astrology report as I tend to find very accurate information about myself. In the end, I still can't find myself the passion, the motivation, the focus, and/or the discipline to hold myself onto any new dream at all.

Ever since I was little, I had a dream of buying a big house for my whole family including my siblings. I wanted a big house, because I wanted the entire family to live together in happiness and harmony. To me, family is like everything to me. It was my motivation for working hard in school and overcoming all the challenges I have encountered in the past. Lots of the decisions I made and the other dreams I had was built on this idea. However, after graduating from my bachelor degree program, I realized that I was just being naive. It is impossible for the whole family to live together in harmony due to big difference in personality and life exposure; thus, being together would eventually leads to lots of disagreements and arguments. The loss of this dream didn't bother me much then, because I was pretty preoccupied with a lot of works and had a strong craving for life enjoyments during my free time. After making the decision to pursue for masters and get my first full time job, I got even more busier than before, so I don't have much time to even grieve.

The problem officially started after the completion of my dual master degrees (three years) program in Business Administration and System Engineering (MBA & MSE) a while after the end of my (more than two years long) internship. I was learning so much during the time when I was working and going to school that I had the sensation of my head was about to explode. I wasn't able to digest all that I have learned even up to this day. From the start to the end of my internship, my manager was consulting me on various business and life issues including asking me what kind of work field I strongly desire to be in. At that time, I told him that I want to work in a firmware development field without thinking too much about the decision itself. After the end of my master program, I want to take a short break at home to relax after those long three years of hard work and use the time to digest what I have learned. However, my break got extend from a short break to a very long break

It begins with the question I asked myself about my desired work field. Is firmware development field what I desire to be in? It led me to question why I desire so and that ultimately led me to question what I want in life. During that time, I just learn to adapt to the mind set of a strategist and was successfully to be able to apply the concept to practically everything I have learned. It completely changes the way I do and think; thus, I tend to think it more of a curse than of a blessing. Because of that ability, the ultimate answer of what I really want is "nothing". Everything has advantages and disadvantages. Desire something requires the weight of the advantages to be heavier than the weight of the disadvantages; however, to me, there is nothing worth pursuing for without decent hard work. In order to do decent hard work, I must have a strong reason to pursue it. I have none, because I can see everything from both sides (the good and the bad). This ability is always with me from the start, but when combined with the mind set of a strategist, they nearly destroy all my desires. The desires left have been either satisfied or very difficult to achieve given the circumstance.

For three years, I have been searching for new dreams, but none so far can shark my passion, fuel my ambition, and liven my life; thus, I am here now looking for guidances given my condition. I have lots of studies to do. I need to get back into shape. I need to find a job. I have so much things are waiting for me, but there isn't much of me to walk the way. What can I do to move on?

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My friend, as I read your story I found myself thinking, "Wow. You sure do think a lot."

And then, just a few minutes later, as I was catching up on the blogs I read each day, I came upon an article that I believe could have been written just for you.

I invite you to read it, and share your reactions with us: 10 Ways Over-Thinking Destroys Your Happiness

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You are right that I do think a lot. It can't be much of help though. I don't use to think that much before till that strategic mind set entered my life. It becomes a troublemaker in my mind. Your article just give me more reasons to think less and do more as a weapon against the new invasive mind set of mine.

Fortunately, from writing out what I wrote before, it causes me to think in the right path. I think I understand why my new dreams failed to help me. It is because I didn't reinforce any of them with other dreams. I think that is how my lost dream became a part of me in the first place. In the past few days, I have reinforced my new dream with other old and new dreams, locate my motivation by learning the proper way to scheduling tasks, and direct my ambition towards all negativities. I will see how well this new strategy works for me in a month or so.

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