neverthesame Posted July 5, 2013 Report Share Posted July 5, 2013 This is my first time writing in this type of setting. 6/13/13 I lost my best friend but I want to talk about his life first. Ruben, a then 4 year old Jack Russel Terrier, to rescue after being in a shelter with extensive kennel cough and emaciation. He had been a stray in the mean streets of Brooklyn. Unfortunately, he was marked to be euthanized the day the rescue organization took him in. He was actually adopted once, but his owner went to jail and was moved into his owner's mother's house where he had to be kenneled all day because the other dog in the house was dog aggressive. Back in rescue I found him, like love at first sight, on Petfinder. We adopted Ruben 7/4/08, we drove 90 minutes to go and pick him up. He was let out of his kennel and he was so happy, he instantly melted my heart. I went to pick up my new boy and he bit me in the face. Ruben did not like to be picked up back then, fortunately he did not break skin. Despite the mishap we took him home. He had many issues to be ironed out being an obstinate jack russel. At one point his aggression issues worsened and started lunging at us and we almost gave him back to rescue. But, he had worked his way so far into my heart I could not bear to let him go. We worked with him, teaching him tricks and commands and eventually he just became so content and happy to be with us. His favorite past time was riding in the car with us. We took him everywhere! If we went to a restaurant we needed to make sure we got patio seating so that we could have him by our side. He was an amazing hiker, he had more stamina than any of us or our other furry son. We would take him bike riding and he never got tired running alongside us. The greatest thing about Ruben, is that I got to take him to work with me everyday for the past 5 years. He loved being at work, and I got to walk him on my lunch break or just go see him when my day was bad. The car rides to and from work were filled with his great listening abilities of my rants about life. He was truly my best friend. Even at the ripe age of 11 years he was spry and alive and young at heart. I have never been so connected to anyone in my entire life. Until the day he died tragically. The worst part of my life was actually realizing I killed my best friend. It was a normal day, but I woke up so exhausted (not that it is any kind of excuse) and I even didn't take him for as long of a walk in the morning so that I could just get to work and wake up already. I got to work, my parking spot was filled so I parked in a completely different area. I remember being so annoyed and going to march into work and yell at the person who took my parking spot, and thinking I need to brew a pot of coffee at work. I was just talking in my head as I headed into work. I went about my day like any other, teaching interns, laughing and joking with co-workers, etc. I walked to his kennel where he stayed everyday but it was empty, I panicked. I ran out to my truck in the back where he usually stayed and he wasn't there which I initially felt relieved thinking that maybe someone took him for a walk or he was moved to a different kennel. Then I thought I must have left him outside when he I walked him (off leash) and I ran around the street for 20 minutes. I broke down and lost it thinking the worst that maybe he was hit by a car somewhere and I would never see him again. Only it was much worse. One of my friends/co-workers went to their car parked next to mine and saw my Ruben lying in the front seat. He must have jumped out of the back into the front seat where he suffered a cruel death from heat stroke. It was a very hot 100 degree outside, so god knows how hot the inside of my truck was. I held him in my arms screaming and crying for over an hour at work, just repeating that I killed my dog, I killed my best friend. I never understood how this could ever happen, but somehow it happened to me. How can I be so connected to my best friend and yet forget him in my car? I keep playing the what if game over and over different scenarios, I know that doesn't help but how can I ever get over it. I wake up in the mornings hoping for some science fiction miracle to take over and somehow redo that day or have that day never happen. How can I move from this? How can I even laugh again, or try to be happy if I have done something so terrible? I have such anxiety since the incident that I don't know anything anymore. I somehow brave it to work everyday but everything reminds me of him. My whole day was planned around him. I loved him so much and yet I killed him. I don't think I could ever even forgive myself. I just hope that he is really in a "better place" and that he realizes how much I loved and continue to love him and that he knows I never meant to hurt him. Rest in peace Ruben Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now