kayc Posted August 13, 2013 Report Share Posted August 13, 2013 You should be very proud that you made all of the right decisions in the circumstances and landed the plane perfectly. In time, you will hopefully have someone in your life that will be proud of you also, for now, it's good to know you can be proud of yourself, you've earned it in your own right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted August 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2013 Latest development. I was missing her really bad the last days, had the last few days off and was just sitting around at home. Bad idea I know, but at least I keep active jogging and speaking on the phone with my mother or drinking coffee with my neighbor, whom I feel bad for calling just "neighbor", he has actually become a good friend by now. Anyway, yesterday I was sitting on my couch and thinking about her and how it would be to hold her hand. I closed my eyes, and I could swear that my hand was getting warmer. Later I called my mother and told her I had a feeling that I would hear from her soon. Then I had a need to see her, so I looked through all my photos of her, from vacations, birthdays etc. For the first time the photos didn't make me sad, but I actually smiled when looking through them, thinking about the nice moments. In the evening, I was preparing to go for a run, and a text message ticked in: "Hi, there is mail for you. Regards". At first I thought it was from my neighbor. I deleted her number from my phone, so the text didn't have a name, from my address book. So it took me a few seconds to realize that the number on the display was hers. It didn't come across as being we friendly, being very short and without my or her name. I went for my run, and about 2 hours later a message on Facebook. This time a bit longer: "Hi xxx, hope you are feeling well in your new apartment and that you are enjoying flying as a captain. I have a letter to you from xxx, would you like me to forward it to you (she doesn't have my address). Regards xxx" She specifically requested not to contact her! So, why is she writing now?? Ok, I can understand the text, because it was so short and neutral. But why the second message so shortly after. And then in a much friendlier tone, like she never asked that I didn't contact her again. If I told someone to stay away, I would bring the letter to the postoffice and tell that the recipient doesn't live at the address. Or I would throw it away. I don't understand... is my name still on her mailbox? I have no idea, and if so why wouldn't she have removed it. Seems like an excuse to resume contact, or am I over interpreting? It's hard to know what to do now, or how to reply, if at all. She told me who the letter was from, so I could just call them up and ask they send it again to my new address. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 21, 2013 Report Share Posted August 21, 2013 Personally, the way things are, and not wanting a setback with the emotional healing headway you've made thus far, I would contact the sender and give them my new address and request they send it again and remove my old address. Her I would ignore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted August 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2013 Didn't reply, it's been a week now and she didn't write again. Still curious about her motivation for writing, over a letter that she could have simply thrown away. Especially in that over-friendly tone, but she needs to give me more to suck me in again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollara Posted August 27, 2013 Report Share Posted August 27, 2013 In my opinion, the message on facebook was very typical. She found a letter and she might thought that it was important that is why she asked to forward. She doesn't seem to me that she wants to resume contact. On the other hand I believe that she doesn't want to stay on "hate" terms with you and that is why she is nice to you. But I cannot see anything else rather than a typical message Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted August 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2013 Hey Pollara, Good to hear from you. How are you doing? I forgot to write that she put in a smilie in the Facebook message too. Not that it makes any difference perhaps? Anyway, I am glad that I didn't reply to the message, I am actually considering to block her - for my own sake. If I block her and change my phone number, she has no way to reach me. If I make it impossible for her to get in touch with me, then I remove hope. I am not sure I am ready for it yet, but maybe I'll give it another thought in a week or two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted August 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2013 ....another bizarre thing about the Facebook message, is that she wrote it below an old message from before we broke up. The old message: I (love) U (kiss)... with love being a heart smilie and kiss a kiss smilie. I mean, doesn't she think anything at all herself when seeing such conversation history....??? How can she continue such an old conversation, like it's the most natural thing in the world! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 28, 2013 Report Share Posted August 28, 2013 It sounds like confusing msg to me but confusion or mixed msgs is not what you need. You needed someone loyal and sure of her role in your relationship and that's not what you got. I think the idea about blocking her is a great idea, that way you can move on without hindering your progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollara Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 ....another bizarre thing about the Facebook message, is that she wrote it below an old message from before we broke up. The old message: I (love) U (kiss)... with love being a heart smilie and kiss a kiss smilie. I mean, doesn't she think anything at all herself when seeing such conversation history....??? How can she continue such an old conversation, like it's the most natural thing in the world! well she might have already delete this message so she couldn't see it. I cannot really explain it to you, but I have a lot of friends (girls) that when they broke up after a while they wanted to be in friendly terms with their exes. I am on friendly terms with a lot of my exes but of course it hadn't ended that way. In any case, most of my friends, didn't seem to realise that they were hurting the other person by being friendly or that they were giving them hopes (or breadcrumps). I am sorry that I am sounding like that, but because I am a woman and I know a lot of women, I wouldn't have taken this message seriously. In my opinion, she just wants to be fiendly with you. she cares about you but she is not in love with you. she sent this message because 1. she wanted to deliver the letter because it might have been important to you (I would have done the same even if I hated my ex) and 2. to show you that you can be on friendly terms. If you are ready to cut contact then do it. It is true that out of sight, out of mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted September 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 Yes she sees the old "I love you" messages too (don't ask how I know). For me it's pretty sick to write a friendly message after a break up, below "I love you" and kiss smilies. Or what do you think? I am not interpreting anything into it, I just don't understand if she doesn't feel weird looking at it too? She has also unblocked me on Whatsapp again... She even changed her status to the same as mine. I just have a "." and have had that as long as I have been using Whatsapp (a year or more). She always had the standard status "Hey there, I am using Whatsapp". Her new bf the same standard status. It really bothers me that she picks the same status as me! I know it's ridiculous, but still when I see our names together, and her status the same as mine, it really bothers me!! Further development, I deleted her dead father as friend on FB (his profile is still online). None of us have been deleting common friends (only 5, including the father) since the breakup. She "responded" the day after, by deleting one of the common friends that she doesn't have contact with, and who is also a work colleague of mine (a pretty girl that is also a flight attendant and who worked in the company where me and my ex met). That girl is working in my present company now and is also doing some modeling - so just to provoke my ex, I "liked" some of her pictures, which I am sure turned up in her newsfeed). Short story, I am pretty sure my ex is keeping tracks of me on FB, and deleting that girl was a response to me deleting her father. I am getting a feeling that I should have responded to the message. And I shouldn't have deleted her father. I am NOT ready to cut contact. So I really am at a loss what to do. I wrote several messages to her, but I did not send either of them. Some of them tells her to stay away from me for ever, other how I feel and why she keeps contacting me. Should I keep waiting for her to contact me again? What if she think I moved on (because of no reply and deleting her father)? Or should I go out on a limp, and once AGAIN tell her how I feel, and ask her why she keeps in contact with me? Either way, I am concentrating on my work, and stay open to meeting someone else... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 7, 2013 Report Share Posted September 7, 2013 Oh you are ready to cut contact with her, you are just afraid to...it's a big step and you're unsure how hard it will be...do it and it will be the best thing you could have done. No no no, do not contact her! She's messing with your mind, whether intentional or not, and it's NOT to your good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted September 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2013 Hi KayC, How are you doing? Thanks for your reply once again. Yes it's a big and difficult step to finally letting go, and maybe you are right and it's about time. Seems like fate that she changed her last password yesterday, so I won't be able to see what see sees anymore (refering to the "don't ask" in the last post). I am so happy she did, the curiosity was too big before and I could hardly call her and ask her to change it. Now she removed the last option of keeping somewhat track of her. One day at a time. Actually I still sees when she is online and when she was last online in Whatsapp. It just feels too pathetic to look at, so I deleted her phone number once again, again again. Which means that she is out of my Whatsapp too, so I won't be able to see when she is online (she can still write me if she wants). Anyway, I guess this is all coming to an end, unless she makes a surprise appearance. In which case I will keep you updated. Will also check in from time to time to tell how I am doing. All the best to everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 8, 2013 Report Share Posted September 8, 2013 I think that was a big step and I applaud you for it (deleting her phone no.). It will protect you from having your heart constantly in an upheaval, which isn't good for anyone. It will be much easier to move on and get over her if you have no contact. After being out of contact for a long time, sometimes it's possible to resume as casual friends, but not for everyone. I speak with Jim every three days or so, but it's clear it's way over and I haven't held any hopes for years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted September 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2013 I have for the past two days been stuck in the past again. By that I mean thinking insanely much about her, reading old messages, reading up on stuff on the internet - (Borderline Personality Disorder, to which I have to say the description fits like a glove on her e.g. http://gettinbetter.com/waif.html ). ANYWAY it should matter to me AT ALL! I shouldn't care from what diseases she may suffer (or not if I am just imagining things - heck she may even be the sane one and I the one with a problem), because it is OVER and has nothing to do with me anymore. I took another step today, and that is blocking her completely from Facebook and Whatsapp. Why should I allow her to follow what is happening in my life? The only reason I let her before was the secret hope, that from letting her, she would regain interest in me. Why would I even want her to get interested in me again? Why would I want someone, with all her problems back in my life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 15, 2013 Report Share Posted September 15, 2013 Good step. Anyway, if she wanted to get in touch with you, she could find a way, she doesn't need or deserve to know how you're doing. I found out much after the fact that Jim was cyber-stalking me after he broke up with me (his daughter told me). Why break up with someone and then read everything you can about them? It makes no sense. If they don't want you, they can learn to do completely without you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollara Posted September 15, 2013 Report Share Posted September 15, 2013 You did the best I think. The first days would be difficult but I hope you will feel better afterwards. And after all, are you sure that she is keeping up with your updates? She is with another guy and a lot of time has passed. I believe that if at some point want for some reason to come in contact with you, she will find a way. For me it was even more difficult cause I had to block all our common friends, and they were also my friends damn it. But I value myself more than them. And it won't be forever. I doubt they will notice it anyway, because as I said it is not like I am in the same country and don't answer to their phone calls etc. But if you know a way to find her, she will definitely find a way to find you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted September 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 21, 2013 What is nagging me is that she DID contact me (with the facebook message that she had mail for me), but I choose to ignore her. I am still struggling with myself if that was the right thing to do, or if she was reaching out and testing the waters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollara Posted September 21, 2013 Report Share Posted September 21, 2013 I don't consider the Facebook message as a testing of waters or real contact. I believe that she just wanted to tell you about the mail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 21, 2013 Report Share Posted September 21, 2013 And I think you did do the best thing, as you said, you could get the mail resent to you w/o contact w/her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted October 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Good news. I met a girl at work, and I think I have become infatuated by her (funny how one use technical expressions after trawling the web for anything that has to do with love for the past 5 months). Don't know if it is mutual yet, but I intend to find out. I am still thinking about my ex. but probably 30% vs. 70% the new one. And more important, I would prefer to explore a future with her if possible over getting back together with my ex. Please wish me luck! :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 I wish you the best and may you have a speedy recovery over your ex! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuiltHaunted Posted October 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Thanks... It's been almost 5 months already, I have been worried many times if I am getting stuck in the process. Hope that the time that it has taken so far - and the time it will take to recover completely - is in the "normal" range. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 3, 2013 Report Share Posted October 3, 2013 It's different for everyone, some say it depends on how long the relationship was, but it can also depend on the quality of the relationship, I'd definitely say you're in the normal range. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pollara Posted October 4, 2013 Report Share Posted October 4, 2013 I can tell for sure that it doesn't go with the duration. I was 5 months with my ex and now there is almost 4.5 months that we have broken up and still thinking of him! But GuiltHaunted I am wishing you the best! Keep my fingers crossed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 4, 2013 Report Share Posted October 4, 2013 I still think of Jim after over three years, but not with any hope or expectation, I accepted our situation several months after the breakup. That doesn't mean I don't care, but I'm not wistful and I have no regrets...HE should have regrets, and may, but that's his to deal with, not mine. Another thing that affects how long it takes is our own personal coping skills, how we go about things...it's never just time alone that takes care of it, but the effort we put into that time, our attitudes and focus. But we can't expect it to be overnight, it's a process and it takes as long as it takes. The important thing to do is keep moving forward and be good to ourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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