Eyes - Mary's, Queen Mary's, Kay's And Anyone Else Here...

[feralfae]

Fish multiplying..... hmmmm.....

I am glad you are doing so much better!

The kiva is not even a foot deep. One must be able to dance over the walls, you know.

Ah, I will get some better perspective in some shots.

The apples are still on the trees, so they survived the hail.

I know you will have a delicious fish dinner.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Guest babylady]

mary -- sending you hugs and positive thoughts. enjoy your fish.

[mfh]

fae, I was in a kiva on a reservation and it was about 12 feet deep with a ladder to get in and out. I did not know about the one foot thing.

Short dinner at my friend's. I just feel like someone beat me up and not being able to see clearly is tiring also. Signing off for the night.

Peace to all

Mary

[enna]

Rest, dear Mary. Each day will be better. Hug Bentley for me. Benji sends kisses. He loves to kiss!!

[kayc]

I hope you are enjoying dinner with your friend, how thoughtful of her!

[feralfae]

Hi Mary,

Yes, this is a shallow and modern but not at all real Kiva.

The Anasazi kivas are all more than 6 feet deep and are as you say. I have done lots of archaeology and anthropology about Kivas, but the uses of individual ones is still not exhaustively understood. Which rez were you? I would love to hear about that sometime.

Mine is a magnetic Kiva, with the proper placements and stones, and underground is a hidden cavity, but it is not designed as were the Anasazi Kivas. Their homes as well, come to that, were often underground. Pit houses.

So, my little Kiva garden is aligned for tprayers: to set the cardinal points for singing prayers. And we do not need to climb any ladders to use it. Also it can carry an electromagnetic pulse, which is cool. I did not plant a lot of flowers in it this year, so it is pretty drab.

I hope your eyes are both feeling more rested, less irritated, healing, and properly moist. I am so glad you have artificial tears to use.

The sun is setting here, and I am at sixes and sevens, being too tired from doing so much today, not not really sleepy yet, but just wanting to rest, anyway. I think I will just go to bed an hour early, since I did a lot of physical exercise today.

A neighbor dropped by this afternoon and had been drinking. A bit bombastic, and wanted to gossip about another neighbor, and does not like my stain colors (who cares??) and well, drinking people put me off a bit. I was busy exercising, so I had an excuse to not visit long. I am slowly pulling things in the house together after more than four years of not really keeping up with things. What a chore! Just straightening the little tool drawer, and sorting things. Doug was very neat, but over the long haul, things went awry.

It's all right. We figure out these things in our own time, I know.

I am going to go read posts for a while and catch up with everyone.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Queeniemary]

Dear Mary, I hope the artificial tears continue to help the dryness and the vision keeps improving. I think your body is just needing lots of sleep and rest after all the stress you have been feeling. Hope you get lots of rest this weekend. Thinking of you, will check in with you Sunday, am leaving in a few minutes to drive 4 hours North to see a play this afternoon. Big thunderstorm going on......ugh.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

Queeniemary,

Wow, four hours to see a play? What is the play? I hope you enjoy it!

I also hope when the time comes that Mary can get a good definitive Rx for her new glasses and doesn't have to make eight trips like I did, just to "settle" for a Rx that isn't very corrective. I still can't see with my left eye very well! I guess with my vision continually changing due to Diabetes and Cataracts, it's something I'll have to live with, but with Mary having had surgery, I hope it settles down so there will be a true vision that she is left with that they can work with. Incidentally, I have a sister who's vision changes throughout the day and it started her having surgery, long before her Diabetes, I'm kind of wondering if we have something genetic going on. It is so important to be able to correct the vision with lenses so we can read!

[Queeniemary]

Kay, the play was at the Lyceum Theatre in Arrow Rock, MO. A young friend of ours is the artistic director there, and this play "The Nerd" happened to be one of the few that he is actually acting in this year. There is one other at the end of September. A friend and I drove up there, saw the play, and then met other friends (who were going to the evening show) for dinner in a really great little restaurant called Catalpa (after the tree). It was a great day, just very tiring, so spent a lot of time doing NOTHING yesterday.

Had the pressure in eyes checked today. So far, so good, the new treatment may be working. Pressure in right eye down from 20 to 16, and left eye (the problem eye) is down from 27 to 26. Doc. is out of town, they will call me next Monday to let me know if the treatment needs to be adjusted, in the meantime just keep on doing what I am doing! Am feeling much better about it, since this new (and expensive) drops seems to be doing something good.

Mary, hope your eyes are continuing to feel better, and your vision less blurry. Been thinking about you a lot. Hope you do not have to do anything this week except rest (and that includes your eyes my dear lady)

Harry, on another thread you talked about your running....I am just amazed. My brother is a runner also, I can walk, but running is out for me, even if I wanted to, with my two artificial knees. I admire you, and my brother.

Rainy, cool day here in the Ozarks, loving it. My daughter, maybe not so much, they are on vacation camping up about the MO/AR border. Looks like it will clear off after today.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

Queeniemary,

Tell me about expensive drops, when I had mine filled last they were over $200 for a tiny bottle and the pharmacist chewed me out (Walmart, of course) for getting something so expensive! I told him to take it up with my doctor and that it was none of his business, he's just there to fill Rxs and I reported him, of course WM didn't care. The gall of some people, to try to make me feel bad for using something I need! They really do help, they just don't alleviate the problem, but do make it more tolerable at times. I was set to get the surgery when I found out that it could grow back in two weeks, why bother! Still, I may try someday. You never know what a pain eyes can be until yours have problems!

I'm so happy for your news, getting your pressure down...they haven't told me what mine is, I suppose I should have asked.

Mary,

I hope you find that good balance for using your eyes, where it doesn't wear them out. And lots of rest!

[Queeniemary]

Kay, you should have just whopped the pharmacist "up aside his head" (Arkansas slang)! What business is it of his about your prescription? Did he offer you something that would work as well, in a cheaper version, to me that could be the only possible reason he should have, to talk about the cost of the medicine. Did you report him there in that Wal-Mart, or go online and report him to their headquarters. I would do both!!

I know you have probably said this before, but what exactly is your eye problem. You said that you were thinking about a surgery for your eyes, but were told it could grow back in two weeks? My brother and sister in law are both worried that my eye doctor is not aggressive enough about my eye pressure. They have a friend with similar eye problems, whose doctor (she told them) says normal eye pressure is 10. I have researched this a lot, normal can range between 10 and 21, depends I think on the person and the particular eye problem. I trust my eye doctor a lot, and have gone to him for years. The fact that my intraocular pressure in right eye reduced dramatically and the left eye has at least reduced, makes me think we are on the right track.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

I reported him on line, didn't get a response. I did tell him "what business is it of yours!" No there is no substitute. With any luck maybe someday he'll get eye cysts so he can see what it feels like to live with and maybe he can learn a lesson in empathy.

I have two different type of cysts on my eyes, so it feels like I have something in my eye all of the time, every time I blink, I can feel them. They grow back. The drops seems to make them smaller but it's temporary. Some people's dissolve with the drops, mine do not. They get worse, better, worse, better, all of the time.

I also have cataracts they're keeping an eye on. I don't know how much of an eye they're keeping on them since I only see them once a year! Like I said once before, I think they're waiting for me to lose my insurance before they decide I need surgery.

[enna]

Mary is taking care of her eyes – they demand rest. She is doing very little on line whether it be on FB, e-mail, or the forum. She drove to Madison today to pick up the painting she had framed of her Bill. It proved to be too much – surgical eye running and a massive headache. She is using the drops for her eye and that helps. The distance driving is ok it is the strain of looking at things up close.

The medicine they gave her for the surgery has left her body so she is no longer “feeling crazy!”

Tears come and we know why that is – it is no fun going through health issues alone. This is a time we really do need our spouses. She does not read so I hope she is listening to her meditations or audio books. Not a good chapter in her life right now, but she is a trooper and will survive.

Typical of our Mary – she wants to know how I’m doing!!!!!

She does not know that I am posting this – I could be in trouble!!!! I don’t care. She is one of us and we should know how she is doing.

[feralfae]

Dear {{{Anne}}}

Thank you so much for letting us know.

We will keep you out of trouble. Tell her we threatened you with loss of chocolate.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Wifflesnook]

Give her our love when you next speak to her Anne.

[kayc]

Anne,

Thank you for your report. We all miss her, but understand, there are just times we can't be here. She is going through so much, I wish we lived in closer proximity so we could drive her places. Relay our hugs to her!

[Queeniemary]

Anne, thank you for the update. I did have a brief email from her. She is concerned about my eyes!! Concerned that because of the problem she had with this lens placement, that I will be more worried about my surgery this fall. Such a sweet lady. Actually when she and I talked after she came home from the surgery, she set my mind at ease about the surgery itself.

She is resting her eyes, which is exactly what she needs to do right now.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas.

[kayc]

Now I developed a sty in my eye, as if the cysts aren't enough!

I'm glad Mary is resting her eyes...

[enna]

Oh Kay, I am sorry that you have that stye. They can be a real bother. Is yours on the upper or lower eye lid? I hope you are keeping all makeup away from it. I have heard that if you place a warm tea bag over the eye it will reduce any swelling there may be. Please watch it carefully.

I talked to Mary last night. The headache is gone and she knows that when she does too much she gets into trouble! (In my humble opinion she will no doubt get into quite a bit of trouble before this is all over!) We know our Mary. It is not good for her to be in and out of the sun. She is listening to some of her e-books. The picture of her Bill is hanging. She told me about seeing the picture differently with her good eye compared to before the surgery. If you recall seeing the picture of Bill his eyes are a very deep blue and they look right through your very being. Such a gentle look in those eyes. She also said that it was good that she had a colorest help her choose the paints for the walls because she is surprised to see what they really look like! She said to give everyone her love.

[kayc]

I'll have to try a teabag. I used hot compresses on it and yes washed all traces of makeup off. The compresses seem to help.

I'm glad Mary is enjoying her painting of Bill. I miss her!

[feralfae]

Thank you for the Mary update.

I'm still on retreat.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Dear Friends,

The irritation to the surface of my surgical eye (caused my one of the medications) is finally resolving and with that I have fewer headaches, better vision, less frustration and discomfort. I still deal with eye strain but some of that was caused by the irritation and I did not realize that until the eye began to heal. I still do drops each day. I will continue to be careful but also feel a bit freer to use my eyes to read email etc. a bit more. No Facebook or Internet yet. I am not certain how much I can do, so I will working on the side of caution for sure. I do not want to relive the past two weeks. I will pop in when I feel I can. I carry all of you in my heart as I know you are riding the roller coaster of grief each day. I do not plan to start reading posts at this time. I am being very cautious. Next week I submit my eyes to a lot of tests (20th) and then surgery again (21st) and bandages off on the 22nd and another follow up trip on the 28-29th. The first surgery was frightening, in part, because of the unknown including/especially outcome. This one is less frightening. Even a good outcome feels more possible...but knowing, what lies ahead in a strange way makes it dreaded....I have a "too great" imagination. I am wishing Bill was here. It is very lonely down there in Chicago land....and here though friends are coming today for brunch here and finally help hang the final art.

This morning I woke up from what felt like a very long dream that left me in tears upon awakening. It was a dream from my childhood, age 12 perhaps, in which I was arguing (putting it mildly) with my father about his alcoholism...I cannot tell you when I dreamed of that last but I know it has been over 35 years. I had to shake myself loose from its hold to determine that it was, indeed, a dream. I continue to see how this journey through grief is leading me through a life review and today it feels like my life is a train wreck. Other times I waken to life's joy..especially when I have warm and affectionate dreams of Bill. I won't go into all the details that surfaced upon awakening today but I am getting clear that this journey is indeed a time of transition...on that is taking far far far longer than I ever thought it would. I miss reading books/articles as it helps me at times like this. I am listening to Tara Brach's True Refuge on iPad and I will see her in person on September 6 here in Madtown. On October 11-12th, I will spend an evening and a full day with Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness in the West many years ago. He will be at the local Holy Wisdom Benedictine Monastery and sponsored by the Center for Mindfulness (UW) here and includes Richie Davidson, its founder. Nice!!!

So I wrote:

"Secondary losses", "new normal," "grief work"

"caregiving," "exhaustion," and more...

All those were just words a few years ago;

Oh, they were words I knew well as I helped others

deal with them; but now it is 8 years later and

their meaning has taken on a life of their own;

invading my days (and nights) and challenging my spirit;

testing me; teaching me; transforming me; leading me through

life reviews; opening old and what I thought long dormant wounds

and history that only on a very rare occasion rears it head

demanding attention or causing pain...or both.

I never thought of "secondary losses" until I found myself

mired in their pain and trudging through them on a daily basis.

A "new normal" seemed like a minor creation until

it meant learning how to live without you....it was then I saw

why so many authors write so many books and articles about it.

And "grief work"....well, it really is work....hard work;

sometimes gut wrenching and very lonely as few others,

often no one, understands...which is, of course, one of the

many secondary losses I bump/crash into on this ongoing journey

through this growing, winding and challenging labyrinth of grief.

Just what is it that is in that center? Is there a center?

mfh2013

[kayc]

Mary, I'm so glad your eyes are better! I'm just walking out the door, going to be gone all day, will write more later.

Hugs,

Kay

[HAP]

Dear Mary,

I am so glad to hear the eye is on the mend--and so glad to see your words here again. We missed you.

Peace,

Harry

[kayc]

Mary,

I'd hoped to get caught up here sooner, but was without electricity so no internet and then came back to a very busy day at work today.

My heart is occupied today, if you look in "loss of pet" section, you'll know why, I don't feel like repeating it.

Mary,

I know how the dreams can go, I've been having some very vivid ones lately, undoubtedly due to stress. I'm sorry you're going through that.

You have been through so much this month, I hate to see you go through it again in just a week. I don't worry that you'll make it through just fine, I know that you will, it's something I feel in my heart, but that doesn't make it any easier for you to experience. I can't wait until you're home recovering from that one and then get your new glasses! We all miss you here but don't expect you to read everything, you need to save your eyes for what you absolutely need to read.

How is Bentley doing? I hope, like me, you're able to key/type without having to look/read, so that it isn't straining your eyes to post here. We all love and miss you!

Praying for you,

Kay