Losing Leo And "ziggy"

[Mary1063]

Hello. I thought I should really register for myself. I will still update on Shan.

My heart is very heavy as today is two months since we lost my brother, Leo. However, I have to remain strong for Shan. That is my priority.

I can't ignore though that my big brothers are gone.

Solace is that they are once again together.

[Mary1063]

My photo is Leo, Shan, and myself at their wedding.

[enna]

I like the photo...

I’m so glad that you have registered here on the forum, Mary. It is so easy for those taking care of a loved one to forget about themselves during this time. Yes, your Shannon is very ill, but you too are grieving. It is good that you care for yourself and being here will help you do just that because this place is full of people who understand what grief is all about.

I see that you have found the thread titled, ‘Loss of a Sibling or Twin.’ There are so many of us who have lost brothers or sisters during our life times that it is good to share thoughts with ones who really do understand.

I am one of five in our family and my younger brother and sister and one of my older sisters all are gone – cancer was the demon. I know what it is like to have lost your siblings. I have always wanted to have those close ties when I was older but that was not to be. We were all inseparable as kids. Being the middle kid I think I had a harder time but who knows! Now I miss having someone to share secrets with, to call at any time of the day or night and talk, to laugh at things that only sisters would find funny. Anne

Take time, as you care so lovingly for Shannon, to care for you. How did your brother Samuel get his nickname ‘Ziggy?’

[Mary1063]

Anne,

Ziggy took on that name because he was an avid fan of the Ziggy cartoon character. And he and Leo, as twin brothers, joked about being so bald at a very early age and they were both very short as well. Like the cartoon character.

I can relate to missing out on that sibling relationship as older adults. Ziggy was 43 when he died. And Leo, 52. My big brothers. It is just myself and our "baby" sister now.

I'm very sorry you have lost your siblings as well.

On my way out the door. I hope you have a peaceful day.

[MartyT]

Mary, my dear, I too am pleased to "see" you here with us as a member in your own right. We feel as if we know you, given the months of devotion and loving care you've shown to Shannon and the updates on her that you've been thoughtful enough to share with us. You are one amazing lady, and I hope you'll see your membership here as a gift you've given to yourself. You are worthy of all the support and compassion we can offer. And I'm also pleased that you and Anne have found each other, because I know that with our dear Anne looking after you, you are in good and loving hands. Welcome. ♥

[kayc]

Mary,

I'm glad you're here and hope you also receive comfort and encouragement from being here. I haven't lost my siblings yet, but had a very close call with two of them a couple of years ago, and I sure don't feel ready! I have lost a niece and nephew, and my dad, my MIL, FIL, grandpa, countless pets, and the hardest...my husband. Each loss hits us differently depending on our level of closeness and how much they were a part of our everyday lives. My sisters have always been there for me, we're close, so it will be tough when that day starts to come.

I'm sorry you've lost two of your brothers. They are the ones that knew us growing up, that were always there, that understood that shared parentage. I hope in your being strong for Shannon, you let your guard down and cry now and then...tears can be a healing release.

[enna]

My dear Mary,

I cannot begin to understand how very hard this is for you. You have been such a light in Shannon's life. Know that i am thinking of you during this most difficult time. We will hold on to hope that Shannon pulls out of this - her suffering has been so great. You are not alone, dear Mary. Many on this forum are walking with you and holding you in our hearts. Our prayers continue and I will offer up special prayers for everyone tonight as we watch and wait. Peace and love. Anne

[enna]

Hello Mary,

Just checking in to make sure you are taking care of yourself. These have to be very trying days for you and your family. Shannon is on my prayer list daily and my hope is that she can feel everyone's presence around her. You must be very tired with all the responsibilities on your shoulders. Are you taking time to do for yourself? Are you sitting quietly and thinking of some fun times you had with your brothers? Are you allowing yourself to feel the loss and crying - tears are healing. I know, I have cried buckets and still do since my Jim died.

A few years back one of my older sisters went into the hospital for treatment of her pneumonia that she would get several times a year due to her asthma. While in she was told that she had small cell carcinomia in her lungs and there was nothing they could do for her. Family was called and most were able to gather in SD. It was in the dead of winter and right at the time that my Jim needed me most so I was not able to see her before she died. We conferenced on the phone and said our good-byes - not like I wanted it, but we were able to remember so many fun times as kids. Her last comments to me were, "Anna Banana, I will watch over you and Jim. I love you more than sardines." It was a joke because my Father loved eating them and teasing us with them! She died in four days after being dx. I'm telling you the story because we need to always find the funny things that come along in our lifetime. I'm sure you and Shannon have some funny stories to tell. You are in my thoughts. Take care of YOU during these hard times. Anne

ps - 'Anna Banana' was a nickname I was bless with during my childhood because I was named after my Grandmother, Anna Maria. Now don't tell anyone here on the forum!!!!

[Mary1063]

Thank you all so much.

Anne, bless you. Those last moments with our siblings or any loved one are so difficult.

"Anna Banana", your secret is safe with me!

I'm honestly having a tough time. I have neglected to cope with Ziggy's death all these years. And now Leo is gone and it is all becoming much more real and "in my face".

I want to get Shan through this health crisis. I don't feel I can do that with my full attention without doing my best to put aside my own grief for both my brothers. If we were to lose Shan, I would feel completely responsible. I promised Leo, even though he could not hear me, that I would take care of her.

She means just as much to me as my own siblings.

[enna]

I am so sorry that you are having a tough time. I understand your need to attend to Shannon, dear Mary. And with all you are doing there is no way that you could ever be "responsible" for anything. Leo is watching out for all of you. There are things that you can do rather than putting your own grief aside. Care for yourself by resting when you can, let your emotions come and if you need to cry, do so. Do you have access to a grief counselor? It is the best gift you can give yourself - if not now, perhaps later when you have more time. There are many things you can read about the loss of siblings, but right now may not be the time with everything you are already doing.

I have you in my thoughts daily. Anne

[kayc]

Mary,

You will have plenty of time to grieve your brothers. Right now you are tending Shannon and that is so important, but you must remember that whatever happens, you aren't responsible for anything. You have and are doing your best and Shannon is so blessed to have you, you're the greatest sister in the world and SIL too!

I know you are super busy, but most hospitals have a chaplain on staff that are so good at helping you deal with things, I'm not Catholic, but the chaplain they had at the hospital when my George died was wonderful, and even called to check on my later on. They have hospice that is also trained and helpful.

[Mary1063]

I do feel responsible for Shannon, not only because Leo is no longer here, but because I feel a sense of incredible guilt with having my husband here and healthy and with me for 30 yrs and Shan had so little with my brother compared to Butch and I. I guess I am just having a culmonation of feelings going on about both my brothers and about Shan.

Thank you for "permission" to let tears flow. I'm scared to do so. And I tend to take on the role of caretaker.

I see a therapist on an as need basis. I have a call into her.

Mary

[enna]

I am so happy that you are reaching out to talk with a grief counselor, Mary. I can understand why you feel guilty that Shannon did not have as long with her Leo as you and Butch are still having. You're feelings are perfectly normal, Mary. I can tell you one thing about crying - you can't do it forever - it will stop, but it does feel good when you scream, cry, or even wail - I have done it many times and it really does help get rid of any toxins.

I am so glad that you are taking care of yourself as you look out for our dear Shannon. When you have a chance to be with her whisper that we all love her and are waiting for her to post again. Keeping you close to my heart. Anne

[kayc]

Mary,

I've learned it doesn't help to "compare" situations, no matter which end you're on. My losing George wouldn't be helped at all if others lost their spouse, so neither should their happiness be lessened because we didn't get as long as they did. It just is what it is.

You may have your husband, but you've lost two brothers, and that is pretty tough. I'm glad you have a call in to your therapist, I hope you can get in to see her and it helps.

Do give Shannon our love when you see her and she's awake.

Hugs,

Kay

[enna]

Checking in to see how you are doing, dear Mary. I can't imagine how very difficult these days have been for you and the family. I keep Shannon in my daily thoughts and prayers. I am hoping that you are taking as good a care of yourself as you are able to these days. I am here for you to listen and to pray. Is Shannon's brother still with all of you or did he go back to CA? This has to be so hard. Sending hugs. Pierre looks like a wonderful doggy. My Benji gives me so much comfort. I truly believe that an animal aids in the healing process of our grief. Whisper to Shannon that we are thinking of her and miss her being online with us. Anne

[Mary1063]

Yes, Mark is back here from CA. He left his wife and kids, I know it's hard to be so far away.

I'm struggling with my sleep, my depression, and the stress is making my neurological issues a bit worse. And even my diabetes is being effected. But I'm not alone. However, I feel very alone with Leo being gone. I miss him tremendously.

[kayc]

I'm glad Mark is there. Whenever we're under stress it affects our Diabetes, etc. Maybe you can talk to your doctor about it, let him know the situation and how it's causing your afflictions to act up? He might have some ideas.

Sleep is always an issue when we're going through something of this magnitude. I try soft music, try going to bed the same time every night, getting into that routine helps the body gear down when it's that time. Spend time with Little Man, as that relieves stress too. It helps to let it all out too, posting here, telling God all your troubles, shoot, even tell the dog, they're good at handling it. We're all keeping you in our prayers. Are you able to walk? Walking helps relieve stress and helps us feel better. I have Neuropathy so when I walk, it's often like walking on pain, but my doctor said no matter what I do, not to quit walking, so I go. Sometimes it's so painful, but other times it's passable. But exercise itself releases endorphins in our body that make us feel better. This limbo is the hardest part, but it won't last.

[enna]

My thoughts are with you today, Mary. How are you doing? I hope you are taking gentle care of yourself during this difficult time. I'm sure Little Man is bringing you comfort just as my Benji does for me. When you sit with Shannon tell her that we all have her in our hearts and prayers. Hugs to you.

Anne

[Mary1063]

Thanks for thinking of me.

Kay, walking is out for me... I fell today and sprained my ankle badly. Little Man tripped me. He goes between my feet!

So I'm in a lot of pain tonight. But of course Little Man is glued to me as he has been since we got him.

I miss Leo because as my older brother, he would tease me about everything. He had such a wacky cheery sense of humor. I just miss my bro.

[enna]

Hi Mary,

I am sorry that you sprained your ankle. I know that you miss Leo. Little Man really does stick right to you. Perhaps you will have a chance now to think about how wonderful it was to have a big brother with such a sense of humor. It seems like Shannon has a long road ahead of her. She is so lucky to have you right by her side. Leo is watching over all of you. Rest and keep that foot elevated. Have you seen a doctor just to make sure you do not have any fracture? You may need to wear a soft cast just for comfort and being steady on your feet. Take care of yourself. Anne

[kayc]

I also hope you saw a doctor and got X-rays. I'm sure it's very hard, missing your brother/s. How are you doing today?

[enna]

Good Morning, Mary,

I'm thinking of you as you take care of your ankle and visit with Shannon.

Something for you to share with Shannon when you are together. Life is beautiful in so many ways.

It has very special meaning to me as I continue on my grief journey.

Anne

[ShanN]

I love you my Sis, Mary. Thank u for all u have done for me. Thank u for all you did for my Boo... Your brother. I'm sorry you lost him. I'm glad you are here.

Anne, I love that video... So much.

[Mary1063]

Oh Anne,

That video is beautiful. It's brought me to tears. It made me want to reach up to Heaven and hug both of my brothers and never let go. Yet it is calming at the same time. The last several days though, the simplest things seem to get the tears flowing.

Thank you for sharing. xo