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Regressing After An Extended Time

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It's been about 2 yrs for me and I think I'm doing worse now than I was a year ago. Going to bed has become ridiculous (I rarely get to bed before 1 or 2 AM and if I do, usually my mind races and I get back up - finally getting to sleep at 4 or 5 AM is common). Also recently lost my job, so I have the luxury of this sleep habit, but that obviously can't continue if I find something. And no, I don't think it's as simple as losing my job - this was a problem months before. PS I drink very little coffee (some days none) and don't smoke, I don't think it's simply a "physical thing." And in terms of dealing with this loss, as I say, I feel I'm regressing. Anyone else have this?

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Oh yes, I think you're in good company here. My personal surmising tells me it's partly because by the second year we know this isn't going away, it's not temporary, and reality sets in hard. Plus it's that much long since we've been with them and we miss them all the greater. It's hard to find sense of purpose, I still struggle with everything seeming so meaningless. I don't mean to depress you, I'm just saying, this is something we all struggle with and try to find a solution to. I avoid the having to go to sleep in our bed alone by sleeping in the recliner, with my dog and cats in the same room. Maybe not a solution, but it helps me sleep easier. I've been through layoffs twice since George died and will soon be going through it again as my boss emailed me about it. I know how hard the struggle is, having to face decisions alone and no one to share in it with. What you are dealing with is not just being laid off, but being laid off alone, which is quite another thing. I found it helps to have a schedule, to devote a certain amount of time to looking for work, I found it helps to tackle it every other day as it's hard to face rejection and disappointment every day. On the other days, do something you enjoy, lunch with a friend, rent a good movie, enjoy a hobby, go for a drive, a hike, something, as long as it's enjoyable to you. I know money is tight when you're out of work, I've found if you eat a lunch special and drink water, no dessert or appetizer, it's easier to budget than dinner with the works; some places serve the same thing at a fraction of the price. Or fix something nice at home and invite someone over to enjoy it with you. If you have kids nearby, it helps to have a night with them...mine are always too busy so that wasn't an option. Having pets keeps me from going stircrazy, just someone to interact with, talk to, touch, make happy. It helps!

And I keep coming here, it's interaction with the human race and it all helps!

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I found it helpful Marty. I especially understand how about the second year, the social help dwindles often to nothing. I know you have, but how many of us have looked into the face of a grieving person.......one, two, three years or more? I still find those souls, maybe because I know what I see in my own eyes. The loss, the pain, the sorrow. We don't have to speak. It shows just the same. When I look in the eyes of my grandchildren., I see joy, wonderment, and expectation. When I look into the eyes of my daughter in laws mother who lost her husband two years before Kathy died and herself is Japanese, speaking very little English, I see it all. Words needn't be spoken. It just is what it is.

To have this place to come, listen, and share, is a blessing for those of us who have journeyed on in grief without the social support of those around us. I think also, I will still need to come for a very long time. I find comfort and understanding in the articles you give us.

You are gem and I thank you.

Widower, regressing is a remark you may make often. I have spoken that word a few times already but I hope like me, you come to understand how those feelings are just potholes in the road of grief's path. Everything we do and feel is uncharted territory. I feel for having lost your job. You too Kay. I know how hard grief can be when all this other junk keeps getting thrown at you. I hope you find a way to get back up and fight another day. If I have any positive energy, I'm sending it your way.


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