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9 Months Today


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I lost my husband 9 months ago today. Seems just like yesterday. I have started going to Hospice support group and they have helped. I would recommend them to everyone. I keep close in touch with my mother in law and father in law and that has helped also. Plus they are elderly and need help getting around and running errands, so we help each other I guess but in diffent ways.

I still cry, have my meltdowns, but they are getting fewer. Sometimes its things that you find or see that reminds you of them, then it just hits you they are gone.

I never thought of my status would be widower. I just keep praying for GOD to help me through this.

Loretta

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Dear Loretta,

I am so sorry for your loss. I do understand how 9 months can feel like yesterday. This is a tough journey through this tremendous loss and you have found a helpful, understanding and loving place here on our forums. I lost my husband 3.5 years ago and yes, often it feels like yesterday. Those grief triggers do often send us into tears and meltdowns help release some of the pain. I call them tsunamis of grief. I hope you are taking care of you as you also take care of your in-laws. I am so glad you have them as this journey is tough enough without being totally alone. We will look forward to getting to know you better and hear about your husband. By now you see that many people have moved on in their own lives but we are always here and open to hearing about your pain, feelings, good and tough moments, your husband's life and your own. Do come back.

My husband's name is Bill. He was a clinical psychologist, a poet, a woodworker and the kindest person I ever met. He died of Alzheimer's disease on March 27, 2010 after about 5 years of struggling with the disease. Except for one long hospital stay, he was home with me. The gut wrenching pain I felt in the first year and second year have subsided but grief is a life long journey. I will grieve his loss forever. It is at this point a part of who I am and I am able now to focus on gratitude for the incredible journey we had together. I still have my days, my moments where those waves of grief come crashing to the shores of my life and on occasion even carry me out to a dark sea but those are further apart now. I took up watercolor after Bill died as I struggled to recover my energy from caregiving. My photo includes our dog Bentley who has been my personal therapy dog though he is a registered therapy dog also.

Do come back. Others will log on and welcome you here...to a group no one ever wanted to join but are grateful for.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

Mary

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Loretta,

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. What is his name? That's a lovely picture of the two of you.

I'm glad you have a support group to go to, that can be a big help. There are no support groups in my town (nearest city is 50 miles from here) so I didn't have one but I did have a grief counselor in the beginning, and found this site about two weeks after my husband passed...it's been eight years ago.

I'm glad you're close to your in laws, mine disappeared on me after George died.

I look forward to getting to know you. We all help each other out here, like an on-line family. We've laughed, cried, chided, given advice and encouragement, it's been a tremendous support. Marty is our guide and has a wealth of information; she always seems to give just the right link when we need it.

I am glad you reached out here and hope you will continue to come back and read and post.

Kay

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Thank you both. My husband's name was Rod and he passed suddenly. He was a stroke victim about 11 years ago, and his left arm was just there. He could not use it in any way, he also wore a brace on his left leg in order to walk. Rod's arm was giving him issues, it was like carrying 25lbs around everyday. So he decided to have it amputated. This was a workers Comp injury. He fall off a roof about 11 years ago, had back surgery and had the stroke during surgery. Workers Comp approved the surgery, which went very well. He was walking and not leaning at all. He say he wished he did this a long time ago. The surgery was on a Tuesday, we were home on a Thursday. They which meds in the hospital from morphine to oxycodine and had him go home with 6 hours of changing the meds. I went to the pharmacy to get them filled, I was not questioned, counsiled or anything. They just wanted to confirm our address. So we starting giving him the meds as prescribed with his other night meds which were, ambien, muscle relaxer and anti depressant. The next morning around 7:15 I heard him snoring, however when I went to wake him up at 8 for his next round of meds, he was gone, but his body was still warm. I called 911, and I just knew he was gone, expecially with grief counselors show up also and took me to the hospital, would not let me drive. It took 3 months to get the results back from the autopsy and the main reason was mixed medicine intoxication, primary oxycodine. I lost it. It was too much medicine for him with his regular night meds and he just went to sleep like you put an animal down.

I do go to the Hospice Grief support group twice a month, and I really like it. I hope to help others as I am getting help also. In my area, they are all over. Too bad Kay you don't have one in your area. You would really enjoy them. You can relate to people that have been through the same thing. It really doesn't matter how your loved one dies, when the fog is lifted, we still all need to grieve.

We were only married 2 years 2 months. In fact the picture is the day after our wedding. We both loved sports so before we went to Lake Tahoe, the next day we went to a Cardinals and Saints game. We had a blast, and we won.

I have posted on here just once before, but I plan on doing more of it.

Both of you take care, and hope to read both of your posts again.

Take care and God Bless you both.

Loretta Randall

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Dear Loretta, I am glad to see you back...I do hope you post often and join our tribe here...as fae calls us. We are a very supportive group and frankly I do not know what I would have done without this place these years since Bill died. Do come back. Mary

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Dear Loretta,

I remember your story, dear one. You have been through so much. I am glad to see you back, and hope you will stay and find some comfort and support here.

Peace to your heart this day.

*<twinkles>*

fae

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Lorette, I'm so sorry your happy marriage was interrupted by a "mistake" that shouldn't have happened. My husband was the picture of health but had been complaining to his doctor about symptoms for a long time...he should have been sent to a heart specialist, if so, he might be here today, but instead his symptoms were ignored and he died abruptly one weekend when I was away. We were married just 3 years, 8 months.

I'm glad you have a good support group...this place on line has been my main support, it's saved my sanity.

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