Mary1063 Posted September 10, 2013 Report Share Posted September 10, 2013 I'm a pile of overwhelming heartbroken mush... That's all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 10, 2013 Report Share Posted September 10, 2013 I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 10, 2013 Report Share Posted September 10, 2013 My dear Mary, no words are necessary. We are here for you, and we are holding you in our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srm Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 Oh Mary - I am so sorry. Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 Oh Mary, I am so sad for you, I know you'd hoped... Know you are in our loving thoughts and prayers. We're here when you're ready... Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 I wish I had words, but words fail me We were setting up for her to come home where hospice would care for her with myself and Butch. It's like she did not want to come home. I know that she gave up. She didn't have to tell me that. She couldn't... But I knew. I just knew I don't know what is we are going to do right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 Oh, Dear Mary, I wish we were there to wrap our arms around you and hold you. There has been so much loss, pain, and disappointment around you these last few months. I am so very sorry you are going through this terrible, dark time, with so much to bear. Dear heart, I know you know this, but you did everything that you could, and a lot more than any one human should even try to do. I am holding your heart, and praying for some rest and recovery time for you now. You are carrying enough grief to bring you to your knees. Please just let yourself begin to ease into the grief for these two precious people who were two of your closest family members. It has all been so fast, and such a blur, I know you are still just beginning to grieve for Leo and now you are grieving for Shannon as well. I wish I knew better words. We hold you in our love and caring here, dear Mary, and you are a part of this tribe, as surely as Shannon was a part of us all. You are a part of us all as well. Please bring your sorrow here and lay it down any time you need to share with us. I am so sorry for your heart, dear Mary. I pray for a few moments of peace, and healing sleep and rest for you, dear one. Please do remember to drink lots of fluids, and try to eat well every day. This is a time of confusion, loss, and disorientation, so please try to be mindful to take care of your health as best you can each day. Much Love, Many Prayers, and Blessings, fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 Mary, For once I am at a loss for words. I have been praying for you all afternoon. I know your sorrow is great, and I rejoice with Shannon because she'll be reunited with Leo and that's what she wanted, but I sorrow for you because I know you have lost so much...and now your dear sister in the mix. There are no words adequate. Please hold Little Man...he was your gift to Shannon, but in the end, it is you who needs him...I pray that act of kindness will return to you tenfold as you let this little dog love you. I remember after George died feeling hurt and angry, wishing he'd tried harder, held on longer, something, anything, I wasn't ready to lose him! While I was happy he was out of his suffering, still it hurt so bad for ME! You must be feeling something like that right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 I have to say thank you for your support of Shannon when she came here. I don't even know exactly when that was. And for your support in the loss of her Leo, my big brother. And in her fight that she inevitably gave up on because her heart soul and spirit seemed to have left when Leo did. And for your constant prayers. And support of myself and our family. I now have a double memorial service to somehow plan. I have to find that strength. I don't know where it will come from right now. I cannot, though, say how much all your words thoughts and support have meant. 5/29/13 and 9/10/13 my big bro and my precious SIL. I'm just numb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 I couldn't say nothing, Mary, but everyone has taken my words. I'm so very very sorry. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 My dear Mary, I am so very sorry for your loss and for our loss. You have been an incredible caregiver and friend all these months and years. There are, indeed, no words but know we are all here for you and with you as you walk through this grief. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdollar64 Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 My heart goes out to you and your family, Mary. I too have to plan a double memorial and wonder where the strength will come from or how I will get through. You have a ton of support, but please know that I'm here and I understand and feel your pain. Take care and as my mom use to say, "keep you chin up" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 Mary, There are posts for you over here, I didn't want you to miss them: http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?/topic/8007-talking-heals/page-24#entry76337 Still thinking of you, as you are going through broken toes, sprained foot, and now planning a service for someone you hoped would get well. Please keep us abreast as you can, I know your heart is heavy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 Thank you On top off pure numbness right now, I feel very badly for bringing more bad news to those of you here. I will stay here, I will return. I just am pulling back I suppose. Again I feel terrible for all of you who invested your heart thoughts and prayers in Shannon. I want there to be comfort for ALL for the simple loving reason that Shan and Leo are together again for eternity. Here, our families are shocked but strong. I am trying to rest as much as I can. My husband and I will be t.aking over Leo and Shannon's place. My son and grandsons will be in our home. As far as the memorial service. It will be at a later date. I'm thinking in April on their wedding anniversary would be lovely. In spring. Will be here when I feel comfortable. I'm just overwhelmed. Your love is taken with me though. And reciprocated. XO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 Oh Mary, Please don't feel bad for having bad news to tell us, you forget, we are all accustomed to that and we KNOW how it feels to lose someone...we just want to be there for YOU! When their anniversary is sounds like a wonderful time to remember them, and perhaps it'll give you more time for physical and emotional healing, although this is something you already know you don't completely get over...ever. But the more time and effort you put into your grief journey, the better you adapt and are able to cope, at least that's been my experience. How is Shannon's brother? My heart goes out to him as well. Yes, the one consoling thought is that Shannon and Leo are reunited...and we will all get to be with them and our other loved ones someday. (((hugs))) Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 Yes, Mary...Shannon is with Leo and with her Mom and I know she is at peace and has found a joy none of us can fathom. And though I feel sad for all Shannon went through recently and in her early life, it is now your loss and your exhaustion that needs attention. We are here whenever you wish to log in...never feel pressure about that...that is not the purpose. Take care of yourself. Peace Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 My dear Mary, A wonderful idea about the memorial service in the spring time and on your wedding anniversary. What a beautiful tribute to your dear Shannon. Take care to rest and heal now. Come here when you are able to and know that we all unite as one for we have all been hit with pain so we do understand. Sending loving thoughts your way. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 Dear Mary, Thank you for sharing with us, for acknowledging our loss, and letting us share your terrible loss with you. Your heart pain is shared by us all in some small measure. The anniversary sounds a wonderful time. I held Doug's memorial service on our anniversary and his birthday (same day) and I only hope we will all be feeling a little of the promise of Spring by April. Dear Mary, come and go here as you feel. We will keep a seat for you by our fire, and please know you are in our prayers and held with love in our hearts. Take some time now, before you try to plan anything, to just let your heart be at peace and let yourself grieve. This has been a terrible time for you, dear one. Please take care of yourself. Later, when you know, please be sure to let us know about April, though. Maybe by then we all will be able to smile more when we think about Shannon and Leo together, playing and loving and having a wonderful time. *<twinkles>* Much Love and Blessings, and Prayers for your Heart, dear Mary, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 Crying... I had an entire paragraph typed and I hit something and I lost it. I will try again later. Leo and Shannon gone has shattered dreams... So many dreams. Their love was so huge, it rippled through this family deeply. I have never felt this confusion, numbness, shock, exhaustion, and so much more gripping me all at once. Having a hard time... Ziggy was 43, His twin Leo 52, and Shannon just 40. My big brothers and my baby Sister (SIL). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 13, 2013 Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 My dear Mary, You have had so much loss in such a short time. The confusion, numbness, shock exhaustion and more that is gripping you is familiar to all of us here and we are here to support you as you walk through these difficult days. All of these wonderful people gone at such an early age is just so very sad and you are left behind feeling pretty stripped and alone along with numbed and shocked. Please know that though we have no answers, we have love and concern and the voice of our own experiences with loss. I hold you in the light and pray for you. Peace to your heart, mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 14, 2013 Report Share Posted September 14, 2013 Mary, It is a shock, its too much for the senses at once. George had just turned 51 when he died and it was a huge shock to me, it's hard to deal with. Perhaps a grief counselor? I saw one but he wasn't right for me, living in the country there wasn't another to choose from...but so many others have had good experiences with theirs. How are your foot and toes doing? And Little Man? I hope you hold him close to you. You continue in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted September 14, 2013 Report Share Posted September 14, 2013 Oh, Dear Heart Mary, I just wish we were all there with you, and since we are all here, we are sending you so much love and holding you close in our hearts through these hours and days. I know your heart is completely broken right now, and that all you need is to cry and be held. I hope you are someplace where it is safe to wail and scream. I did a lot of wailing and screaming once I began to be able to feel the pain. It really helped a lot. If the neighbors might hear you, maybe you can go to someplace safe. I think wailing rooms in places of worship was a very good concept where it was used. Just let it out as much as you can, and don't worry if posts get lost amongst the tears, you just cry as long as you can, then stop and rest, drink water, eat some healthy foods, rest if you can, focus on self-care for a while, and then, when you feel you must cry more, please do cry. Please do not hold any of it back, ever. Come here with us and we will catch your tears, keep our ears open to your wailing, and wail with you sometimes. We will always hold you in our hearts and help you to let go of the pain. I hope you have something precious of Leo's and of Shannon's with you. I know how much love there was there, and I am glad to hear that it had spread to the family. I hope you can all be together as much as possible right now, to cry together and care for each other. I send Much Love, Blessings, and I hold you in prayer. fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted September 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2013 Hi. It's so difficult. Nothing is clear. Life is fuzzy. I'm so tired. I have to find a way to cope. Seems like a mountain much to steep to face... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 16, 2013 Report Share Posted September 16, 2013 Mary, we all understand those feelings. I felt like I had to scale Mt. Everest every day. You cope, in my experience, by taking one day or sometimes one hour at a time, sharing your pain, and taking care of yourself. Nothing is tougher than what you have gone through...huge significant losses. The waves of grief can knock you off your feet and on occasion wash gently past your feet. Right now they are knocking you off your feet. You have good support here and we all have your back. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted September 16, 2013 Report Share Posted September 16, 2013 Dear Mary, I am sorry that you are on such a terribly difficult journey. It will get a little easier later on, but right now, I know you are in such terrible grief and pain that nothing seems right, in place, or even understandable. First, please make sure you are eating and taking care of your body. Try to get enough rest. Every day, set a time when you can just sit with yourself, maybe read something on how to live through grief, but sit down and get in touch with how YOU are doing each day, and ask yourself if you are getting enough rest, water, food, hugs, and all the other essentials of life. These are just a few survival tips that helped me a lot. Is there anything we can do to help you? I know we are far away, but want so much to help to comfort you and help you to make it through this time of numbness, fog, being lost, and not seeing any future that looks brighter. Things will get a little clearer later on, but for now, I know you are in so much grief and pain that everything is confusing and foggy. And as Bill's Mary said, The waves of grief can knock us off our feet at any moment. We are all holding out a hand to you, and are here when ever you need to talk. Blessings and *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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