How Can I Forgive Myself For Failing My Baby?

[Wracked_with_guilt]

It's been three months since I lost my (cat) fur baby Rufus and I miss him very much. He was only four and the worst of it is I realized I've got only myself to blame. He had been very sick last summer, they said it was a gall stone, but, finally, after a lot of treatment we managed to pull him through. The only trouble is after that I became a bit paranoid and started feeding him less wet food (although it was already diet food), especially after he seemed to develop a bit of diarrhea (though it may have been me being paranoid again). I was constantly on the phone with the vet, trying new dry food diets, but it never occurred to me to start feeding him more wet food. Eventually, the vet proposed doing some more tests and my baby was diagnosed with triaditis, we tried a number of treatments, but they didn't seem to help either. He stopped eating dry food altogether and would eat even less wet food than I was giving him. We were just about to start some acupuncture sessions and, frustrated with his lack of appetite, I thought it might be a good idea to start giving him boiled meat. I checked with the vet, he said it was ok, so I started feeding him boneless chicken breast. He seemed to enjoy it at first and, thinking it was the healthiest food for him (boy, was I wrong), I gave him that for about two weeks. I tried tempting him with it even when he clearly didn't want it and only when all else failed did I switch to Hill's id. Again, he seemed to enjoy it for a couple of days, then he wouldn't touch it, in fact, he seemed to have less and less of an appetite and was becoming very lethargic, but it never occurred to me to offer him more appetizing foods, even when he stopped eating altogether (well, I did offer him a can of Schesir, but when he refused this as well, my brain simply stopped working). At this stage the vet suggested running some more tests and this time they found he had a severe anaemia and his pancreatitis had gotten worse. They got him on iv, I took him for three blood transfusions, after the third transfusion he started urinating blood and died in my arms during the night. Sorry to bore you with all the details, I just wanted to give you a gist of all the things I feel guilty about (there's more actually, but these would be the main things). My question is how can I possibly forgive myself for all the stupid mistakes I made, for literally starving him to death? I should have researched more about his illness and the proper diet, I should have quizzed the vet more, I should have acted faster when I saw how lethargic he was becoming. I feel I am a terrible person and I will never forget the look in his eyes as life was draining out of him.

[Guest babylady]

for years i fed my cat boar's head low sodium ham and turkey and a very small amount of fancy feast cat food. i also always kept iam's dry food out for him. i thought i was doing the right thing -- no chemicals or preservatives in the boar's head. i was wrong. he developed kidney disease. now he's on a special diet. he's 12-1/2. good news is his BUN and creatine went down within 6 months of the special diet. he's not cured, but he's better -- not worse. i felt guilty too -- i thought i was doing the right thing.

don't beat yourself up. you did the best you could. just like human beings, it was his time to go.

arlene

[Wracked_with_guilt]

Arlene, thank you for your kind reply. I am glad you managed to catch the problem in time and your cat is doing better now. I try to find some comfort in thinking that the diet I fed my baby couldn't have been the sole cause for his problems, even if it certainly compounded his problems and caused more harm than good. Best of health to your cat!

[MartyT]

Dear one, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your precious kitty Rufus. hope you will take some time to read through the threads in this forum, since so many of them deal with that feeling that somehow we have failed our precious fur babies. It is the guilt that nearly always accompanies the death of a cherished pet.

See, for example,

Massive Guilt Over Dog Death

Put Our Sweet William to Death Yesterday - Now Second Guessing

[Wracked_with_guilt]

MartyT, thank you so much for your kind reply. I did start reading through the threads, but it's always useful to be pointed to those closely dealing with guilt. I'll be sure to check all the resources you kindly suggested on those threads. Thank you, blessings!

[kayc]

I am sorry you lost your cat, I know how hard that is. I feel bad that my cat, King George, was misdiagnosed and suffered needlessly his last month when I thought he had an infection but he really had cancer. I also feel bad that my cat, Chappy, was eaten by a cougar. Yes, we feel guilty, feeling we should have somehow known and protected them, done something for them.

But the truth is, the vet should be responsible because they are trained to know and the fact that you weren't told what to do for him, how could you have possibly known? You did take him to the vet, did try different things. I'm sorry it resulted as it did, but honestly, I feel you did your best. The truth is sometimes we can't fix them as much as we wish we could.

I hope in the days to come that you will realize what a loving and caring parent you were and how fortunate you both were to have had each other for the time that you did and he would have picked you for his parent again.

[Wracked_with_guilt]

Thank you for your kind words, KayC, and I'm so very sorry for your losses. I wish I could blame the vet, but that wouldn't be fair, I know he did everything in his power. I can't blame him for not spelling out what would have been common sense to anyone, namely, that I should have tried to feed my cat anything to get him to eat. It's the common sense reaction even to me, now, but it simply didn't cross my mind at the time. I'm grateful for every day I have had my baby in my life, but I can't help feeling that our time together might have been longer, if it hadn't been for my stupid mistakes. Hugs, thoughts of peace and comfort to you!

[kayc]

It's not about blame, but it is good for the vet to point out the obvious, which isn't always obvious to us in our upset. My cat George had been very roly poly all his life, and then started losing weight, and got 15% underweight, which is NOT good. The vet said to feed him bacon, chicken, anything I could get him to eat. (See, I didn't think of it myself!) But alas he had cancer, and that is undoubtedly responsible for his weight loss...that and it hurt him to eat because the cancer got into his sinuses, clear through to the roof of his mouth. My good care only prolonged his suffering. I'd rather I had put him down sooner so he wouldn't have suffered so much, it will always pain me that I didn't know.

May your heart be filled with peace also, knowing you did YOUR best for him, and that he knew how much you loved him, clear to the end.

[Wracked_with_guilt]

Thank you for sharing your story about George, I'm so sorry, you truly had no way of knowing what was going on with him. I guess that, if love alone could save our fur babies, they would be still here. Hugs, thank you so much for your kind words!