A Poem I Recently Wrote

[Dusky]

Hello to Everyone,

I recently wrte the Poem below on a day when I was feeling very Empty - by the time I got doen writing it I also felt Full in many respects - therefore the Titel ended up being "Iam Empty - I am Full". I wanted to share this with my friends here. Here it is:

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“I am Empty – I am Full”

I am Empty

I rise – to empty silence – it remains my constant friend.

I eat – for nourishment - and the emptiness remains – the body full - the spirit void of life.

I sleep – to rest - and the dreams of you escape me.

I walk – to exercise – to keep the empty body full.

I drive – to shop – to play – to visit – to nowhere but an empty house on my return.

I cook – to remember how well you did it – for me - but now me - for no one – but one.

I laugh – to walls - for no one hears me.

I sit – to watch TV – or movies – or for no reason at all – a lap created but no one sitting on it.

I stand – the lap is empty - gone – like you.

I clean – to clean the house – and clean and clean and clean – and now the house is empty of dirt as well.

I prune – dead and dying branches – fallen leaves – the trash now empty too.

I cry – everyday without fail – for loss – the tears of joy escape me – they vanished with you.

I retire – to more of the same empty silence.

I sustain - Friendships – where willing hearts remain – but empty friendships surround me as well in numbers greater than the willing.

I nourish - Family ties – Troubled waters reveal Grandchildren Golden with untapped pathways to your memory – potential great – here are empty minds waiting to be filled with the history of you. Here empty may be good – for I can fill their minds full with you.

I demand – Respect for what you represented – who you were – and how you lived your life. Here I am at full throttle - for those who profess love for you need only be reminded of the lengths I will travel to instill and sustain who you were in - who they are.

I bewilder – All who see a grown man cry picking out a Birthday Card for your Mother – who does not know that you are dead. How can anyone fully understand this kind of pain?

I display – An unending source of energy to ensure you are remembered – not with empty words – but with deeds – and action – and growth – and changes in human minds and spirit.

I insist – On talking about you – to anyone who will listen – for as long as my breath remains – you live on in me – running on full – far from empty.

I chock – At the inability of society to understand the true nature of grief - its length – its depth – its all consuming grip – its relationship to love – its necessity to growth - its lingering reality for all of us.

I discuss – My feeling about my loss of you - with everyone I can – family, friends, counselors, chat rooms, people I have barely known, just met – they all need to know about not only your death – but who you were - how well you lived your life and – how your life’s message can change theirs forever.

I treasure – Your memory - for here in me lives your legacy – as you travel with me into tomorrow – love never ends.

I am Full.

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Thanks for listening.

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

[WaltC]

.....

"I chock – At the inability of society to understand the true nature of grief - its length – its depth – its all consuming grip – its relationship to love – its necessity to growth - its lingering reality for all of us."

"I discuss – My feeling about my loss of you - with everyone I can – family, friends, counselors, chat rooms, people I have barely known, just met – they all need to know about not only your death – but who you were - how well you lived your life and – how your life’s message can change theirs forever."

"I treasure – Your memory - for here in me lives your legacy – as you travel with me into tomorrow – love never ends."

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

Dusky (John) - what beautiful words and thoughts.

Your love and respect for your dear Jack is so obvious.

Although you say that you are "full", it is also clear that there is an "empty" spot in your soul.

I know that empty feeling and it hurts like HELL.!

I hope some of your optimism rubs off on those who read your words, especially at this time of the year.

Thank you for your contribution to this forum.

[ustwo]

Dusky, as I read your poem I can feel your broken heart pouring out. You could scream at the top of the tallest mountain your beloved Jack's name and never will the world know him as you do. This morning with my first step outside all I did was look up at the last star shinning before sunup and yell Gene's name over and over. I need to hear his name but few around me here ever had the chance to know this wonderful man.

As Walt said...it hurts like HELL! Every waking moment.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your precious feelings for Jack.

I hope we all find the courage to get through this season. This emptiness is like a bottomless black hole.

Always Gene!

Always!

[Dusky]

Dear Ustwo and Walt C,

As nice as it is to share what I have wrote with others - it is also very nice to receive a reply - such as both of yours. We who are expereincing this depth of loss really understand the true feelings and what it is like every day to - - well just survive the day.

My dear freinds - I have seen your commnets and posting on here often - I have alwasy sensed and felt the deep love you have for Gene and for Jeannie. I am sure they both were as special as you are. We have all given our loved ones who have died one of the greatest gifts - and that is for them never having to expereince the pain of this kind of loss - what we are doing now - living our lives without them here.

I would be willing to bet that My Jack - and Your Gene and Your Jeannie are greatful for not only what we did for them when they were alive and dying - but also for what we are doing for them now so that they would never have to expereince this pain.

When I look back and remember those days before Jack died - those months and months of debilitation and loss - I remember thinking that this was as bad as it could get. Now I would like to have "those days" back - at least he was alive. Then I remember the message - the legacy of life and how to live it that he left me - and I try once again to "live in the moment" as a tribute to him.

My LOVE to both of you (Ustwo and Walt C) and to Your Geane and Jeannie - and to My Jack. For this journy we need Love.

Some day his spirt will guide me to his side.

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack - "More than you will ever know"