dave s Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 I have gotten rid of of certain furniture of Mike's...for it reminded me of him laying there so sick, I have gotten rid of his Jeep....primarily because it.....it wasn't reliable...I bought a new home new because of all the memories......of good and bad..and yet of all the things he gave me was a simple Orchid from Walmart, bought at the last minute......on Valentines Day.....an orchid that I nursed...and nursed and nursed , for yrs,trying to get it to bloom again ......... Blooms were never to come again.....the Orchid has suddenly turned brown apparently has died over night....and I am searching again for an answer......that something that meant soo much to me has suddenly died.....as Mike did...and cant help to feel that he is slipping away .......again.....and cant help to believe another message is being sent........ I look at this forum with the new members of our group.......and am currently crying over an Orchid!!!!!!! a material thing that haunts me.......at this time..........Yes I know I am blooming, but ........and yes I feel like like a fool to cry over an orchid...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Oh Dave, you know that it's death wasn't a message. The thought that went into it will always be with you. Pete added coal to our fire using heavy duty gloves. I still use them and imagine his hand inside but now I'm in danger of putting coal on with bare hands as the fingers are worn. I have to accept I can't use them any more. Such a little thing ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave s Posted September 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Thanks Jan yes I really know that death wasn't a message, grief has just got me off guard....over an orchid lolol!!after months of enjoying life....it hits again!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Dear Dave, I think one of the hardest parts of this grief is letting go of things, stuff, as we continue on this journey and as life brings its inevitable changes. One thing I have learned: the love stays with us, in our hearts and in our memories. I have only a few of Doug's things left because the rest were stolen, but the things I have, I cherish. Doug planted a lot of trees here around our home -- we planted most of them together, and had a wonderful time. This year, as I picked the apples from the trees, it brought back a flood of happy and loving memories about Doug. I have learned that I cannot hold on to the "things" and sometimes even now, touching Doug's things brings tears. Hold on to the love and good memories. Each day life shifts us a little bit, and we find a new way to look at our life and our love. I don't know how we can prepare for these moments of so many memories, of orchids that end their cycle, or of gloves that become worn. When these events are before us, we learn new levels of acceptance, and get to appreciate again the love we have had. I am working on trying to remember that for the days when I go through a few of Doug's things here in the house. Blessings, *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 "I look at this forum with the new members of our group.......and am currently crying over an Orchid!!!!!!! a material thing that haunts me.......at this time..........Yes I know I am blooming, but ........and yes I feel like like a fool to cry over an orchid......" from Dave Oh, my dear Dave, it is not the orchid your are crying over but the love you have for your Mike. That love will always be with you and you will never be "a fool" for crying. Join the rest of us who just can't seem to stop crying over the loss of our loved ones. You have been around for awhile and you know that any memory of our loved ones will bring tears. Many of us could start a new lake from the tears we shed. I wonder what a good name would be - I will have to think about it. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. We are a truly great bunch of people here. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Hi Dave, Welcome back. It is good to see you here again...even though what brings you back is pain. The orchid is a symbol of so much that you and Mike shared and lost...and you have worked very hard to create a new life with Ed who you and I both know was sent by Mike in some way, shape or form. I know you loved that orchid for all its meaning and sometimes a flower or a mug in the cupboard or any small thing can open that well of tears and pain. It happens often to me also even 3 1/2 years out tomorrow. We both made it this far and we will continue to grow and grieve. I am glad you are reaching out here and also letting us know how you are doing...even with our recent phone contact. You have worked so hard through all this pain and slowly we heal and then suddenly a dead orchid trips off a tsunami of grief that sits in our souls. It is our life now, I believe. You and I have both grown through these many months. I am not sure what you mean about your fear that he is slipping away again. I do believe Mike and Bill and all of our beloveds are with us forever. I also think that as our lives get busy and distractions increase, we can tend to feel as if they are slipping away again but I, for one, think that has more to do with us than them. I find when I am quiet during meditation or just yesterday sitting with the box of photos I looked into for two hours...Bill felt as close as he did when he died. (Now, I know why I sat with those photos...it is autumn and it is 3 1/2 years). YOU, my friend, are no fool. You are a wise and caring and loving man who is not afraid to show and share his pain and who spends his days helping others as a nurse. Bill was like that. I know he would be crying over a dead orchid if I had died first or even if we were looking at it together. You are no fool, my friend. Stick around for a while if that helps. We are still here for you. Peace to your heart, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Dear Dave, Jane grew an ivy on a heart-shaped wire frame. She nursed it for years. It was the only house plant we lost while she was in the hospital. I took it off the frame and started a new ivy plant at its base. The heart is half-filled at this point. Love does not die, but sometimes it needs to be replanted. Peace, Harry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Dave, I'm sorry this orchid that was intended to bring you joy, has caused you so much grief...alas that is the way with grief. It can strike at any moment over the most seemingly trivial of things or events. I once started bawling on the car repair's van that was taking me and some others back to work. Why? Because I realized George had ridden that van. It was a year or two after his death and seemed to just strike out of nowhere. I think the hard part is that it catches you off guard and can happen at any given moment over anything. Yes, over an orchid. Any connection to them, any reminder of them can be the culprit. I DO know what you mean, your fear of him slipping away, for that is how I have felt when I've had to sell a car/truck that belonged to us, one more shared thing, memory, relegated to the past. Yet the truth is, they will never slip away from us, even as we live in our present and begin to enjoy parts of life again, they will continue to live on in our hearts, and they will continue to be a big part of us. Who they are and how they affected us will be with us always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Beautifully said, Kay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave s Posted September 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Today as I get up to getting back to this life I realize that I am no fool for crying over that freaking orchid......it was a true, simple gesture of our love......just wasn't in the mood to cry!!!! This orchid seemed to slip away from me, in death as rapidly as Mike did.......and the control freak, who always makes things work...once again is not able to save this....in my eyes a part of Mike.......So as always our lives are a work in progress...and this symbol of love and what has happened, will,I am sure, provide some more opportunities to grow....... Weapy is how I feel today......knowing I am tired from a great vacation....and returning to 4 hellish days at work, and seeing as I return to my life here, our 14 yr old Ellie, the pup I adopted when she could fit into the palm of my hand.....time apparently is running out on her....as she walks into walls and doesn't seem as feisty as she once was......knowing all to well I will need to do what is best for her soon......as that seems to be my talent....doing what is right for others.....Sometimes wonder if I am able to do what is right for me though, in the process..... My new life in Payson with Ed, sure has been great for me, but I want more.....not out of our relationship.....but out of the other areas of my life. On our vacation we took an unexpected turn, due to being snowed into Yellowstone and ended up back in my home state of Montana, my home that I left 14 yrs ago..to make more $$, but looking back on that decision, more $$ was made, but happiness was lost in some way....( cant totally say that as I would have never met Mike and Ed), but now as I get older and have lived through this experience.....I want to go home...it is all I think about since we entered the state on our trip..I dream at night of it, I talk about it all the time....so we have contacted a realtor who has started the hunt....and will see where this will take us.....could it take months, yrs????? But eventually ...... Best wishes to all I am ok here will just accept that today will be of the weapy nature...and let it happen.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 Dave, I have never been to Montana, but the pictures I have seen have made me recognize it as one of the most beautiful states, full of nature and critters and beauty! I hope you find your way home and a beautiful chapter to come! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted September 26, 2013 Report Share Posted September 26, 2013 First of all, it is super to have so many Tribe here today. It feels very comforting. Dave, I Live in Montana. Where are you from? I am a recent migrant, up from Wyoming about 25 years ago, so have at least been round long enough to know a lot of folks around the state. I know you will find a beautiful and perfect place up here. I have to amend that: we were from Wyoming, but had been back east teaching for many years when we came back out here, landing in Montana. But I still have a home in Wyoming, where I also have family. I have some family here up on the High Line. *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave s Posted September 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2013 Thanks for alls support and encouragement! All that I knew already,just very helpful to be reminded by others!!! And yes I have worked hard....as we all have to put these pieces back together in a new form of life and I know Mike is proud of me. The day consisted of some tears here and ther and a drive to phoenix to care for some business.....really didn't feel better until I got back up here in the trees and saw Ed, am glad this day is approaching an end and hope for a more positive tomorrow! Fae, I was born in Ks and grewup overseas in the Middle east, Wyoming (Evanston and Rocksprings) also in Anaconda Mt at Georgetown Lake.....which is where we are planning to return to.....a new beginning!! With that being said.....I have grown to love the mts of Az.....just not the same Mt...home Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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