Mary1063 Posted October 6, 2013 Report Share Posted October 6, 2013 I've tried to write to everyone here who supported, prayed for, and loved my brother and my SIL. There really are not words adequate enough to say what I know what was in Shannon's heart. And what is in mine now. I think of you all and how huge this world is, and how small we are in this huge space, separated by miles and miles, yet, the bonds made, the support given, the love shared is so incredibly immense... It reached from heart to heart and to the Heavens and back. Shannon is gone. I know what a huge impact you all had on her life here. And I hope somehow she had an impact on you and that you will hold that in your hearts for as long as you need. Much love and many hugs always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted October 6, 2013 Report Share Posted October 6, 2013 My dear Mary, yes, I did get to know Shannon and love her and walk with her on her journey. But I also got to know someone who is caring and devoted to her brothers and SIL. Your words touch my heart. Words of gratitude come from all of us when I say thank you for your updates and the strength you showed during Shannon's illness and death. Stay with us here, if you wish, because this is indeed a healing place. Love, Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 7, 2013 Report Share Posted October 7, 2013 Mary, I was glad to get to know Shannon here in the time we had. She was brace and stronger than she realized, she had a heart of gold, and she loved you and Leo comletely. But you are also the hero I see, you were there for her, for him, every step of the way. You must feel exhausted after all you have been through. We appreciate you more than you can know, all of your updates, without which, we wouldn't have known what was going on. You are one of us. Love, Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary1063 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2013 Hi friends. It still feels very, for lack of a better word, Unfair, for me to be here where Shannon belonged and should still belong in losing Leo. On the contrary, they are together now. I know this in my heart. But my bond with them both was so strong. And I was "the glue" that kept the hope going in the scary times with Leo's health. I was with Shan all the way. When Leo couldn't be and was fighting through so much. I have a very deep hollow place in my heart. I'm still reading Shannon's posts that Kay was so kind hearted to send me. I read very little at a time. I feel the pain she had. I also feel the connection and love with all of you. I don't want to take that place. Does that make any sense? I hope. It is so tough when one has a feeling so immense but cannot find words to adequately express it. This is a place Shannon needed, used, and clearly loved and deserved to have. I have so much... My husband, my son, my grandsons... Shannon was so young... And lost so much so so young. My heart is broken. Why can't I just be "ok" and "at peace" somehow knowing she is with my brother... Both of them... Her mama, nana, unborn child, and uncle. I feel so selfish.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 8, 2013 Report Share Posted October 8, 2013 Mary, my dear, when we are in the midst of significant loss, it is difficult (if not impossible) to focus on (and appreciate) what we still have. Remember that grief is not a single event ~ It is a process, which means that it takes time ~ a lifetime, actually ~ to experience it, to digest it, to come to terms with it, to find some meaning in it. And when we lose not one, but two (or three) people who mean so much to us, we need to take the time to mourn each of those individuals separately. You have an enormous task ahead of you, and already you are criticizing yourself for not being "ok" and "at peace" with all of this. That is an unrealistic expectation at this point in your journey, Mary. Please give yourself time to process each of these losses ~ and if that means finding an experienced grief counselor to walk with you while you do that work, I hope you will consider it. We are here for you, and we will continue to be here with you ~ but that may not be enough to meet your needs. As others here will tell you, working with a grief counselor can be enormously helpful. It can change your life ~ for the better. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 8, 2013 Report Share Posted October 8, 2013 You are not taking Shannon's place, no one could do that if they tried, not here or anywhere. But you DO have your OWN place here. You have suffered tremendous losses, and we will walk through this journey with you if you want us to. I really hope you'll more than consider, you'll find a grief counselor that can personally guide you through the process. We care about you and want you to emerge through this process knowing there can be life again...altered, yes, but life nonetheless. It is what Shannon and Leo would both want for you. If you've read Shannon's posts, you know what you mean to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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