Insensitivity

[Mary1063]

Does anyone else just feel like after a bit of time, most people in your life just try to ignore your losses? Or say to you very almost insensitive words... Like trying to justify that your losses "are all for the best"?

It's really upsetting to my heart.

[enna]

Dear Mary,

I'm so sorry that your heart is hurting. I know it may seem like people are ignoring your loses but that is not the case. People are just caught up in their own lives and really mean no harm. Yes, sometimes people say insensitive things but not out of malice. I think that they just don't know what to say and in their own way they are trying to make you feel better.

Many of us have had similar experiences over the years and I truly believe that it is not personal.

I like your new avitar of the pooch. He is adorable and those eyes are so tender.

Are you feeling better? Do you still have swelling? I am sorry that you are dealing with these physical things right now. You are in my prayers. Anne

[Mary1063]

Hi Anne,

Yes, I guess it is "the norm" for people to react this way to our grief. It happened after Ziggy passed and somewhat after Leo. It's happening a lot though since Shan passed.

My pain level is still literally a big pain... Even with pain meds. Swelling is still prevelant. I suppose it won't get better esp on the right knee until quite a while after surgery Friday. Hobbling about when needed with my walker and in knee immobilizers. Lots of icing.

I found this avitar the other day. He's a beagle and its a funny story, but Leo could bark exactly like the beagle pup he owned yrs ago. We always joked he was part beagle.

[kayc]

Mary,

I'm sorry you're encountering insensitivity. It is, unfortunately, very common. People really can't understand unless they've been there. And even then they may not understand because everyone's loss is different.

Try to surround yourself with positive supportive people as much as you can right now. You don't need to be around anyone that makes you feel down right now.

I'll be glad when your surgery is behind you. Do they give you any prognosis for recuperation time? This is a really hard time for you! Hang in there, it won't be like this forever.

[Mary1063]

Hi Kay,

My right knee will be done first as it is very damaged... The medial and lateral meniscus both, the ACL, and the fractured knee cap (in several places)... And the recovery time will be long and grueling especially because healing comes more slowly in diabetics, which I am. I will be using a wheelchair which I already have, for a good six months. And in a knee immobilizer a good three before beginning physical therapy. I cannot use crutches because of my balance. PT will be at least six months once started. Our son works from home so while my hubby is working, he will be here helping me out. Our grandsons are with their Mother during the weekdays anyway so our son is available.

I'm getting so very stressed out. I just feel so stupid for falling.

And quite honestly, I can't even see a week from now, never mind months. My heart is hurting and alone.

However I thank The Lord daily I have my husband and son... Many here do not and I feel so badly.

I will check in again between tonight and tomorrow night. We have to be at the surgical center at 6am Friday.

[kayc]

Mary,

It's just as well you can't see a week out let alone months, a day at a time is sufficient!

I'm Diabetic so I know all too well about the slower healing. It will come, all in due time. I'm certainly very glad you have help there for you!

[KarenK]

Mary,

So very sorry you are having to endure this added agony. It's hard enough to get through grief without the additional pain. You will be in my thoughts for a quick recovery, but I too understand the slow healing for a diabetic.

The little Beagle is so cute. It reminds me of a small wooden plaque which I gave to Ron about 40 years ago. It was a floppy eared sad little dog with the inscription "I Mith You". I placed it in his casket so he would never forget.

Please be well soon.

Karen

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

I hope you can find a way to slow down and take care of yourself these next few months, and come here and be with us. We will do our best to hold your heart and help you through this time. I see so many of us with pain on top of pain, with losses on top of losses.

You have been through a lot, more than most, and I know it is not easy to find hope and a way to go on. Just take it one day at a time and know that even if the world may feel very unfeeling at times, we are here, holding you and praying for you and sending love and healing thoughts.

Blessings dear heart, we are with you through this time.

Much Love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Mary1063]

Thank you.

I'm enduring great pain really starting during the night last night following my huge knee surgery Friday morn.

It's so difficult

Blessing to all. Can't really type well or read well.

[feralfae]

{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}

and lots of love, too.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[enna]

Good Morning Mary,

I’m just popping in to say hello and to let you know that I am thinking of you today. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you to be healing from your knee surgery. I have been blessed to only have one surgery during my seventy years and that was for ulnar surgery from a car accident decades ago. I really do not think I would do well with pain. I seem to know how to comfort those in pain but as for me the only pain I’ve had is the emotional pain of losing people I have loved during my life.

I hope that you are being given medicine for pain management for that will help in your healing. Be proactive and do let your doctors know what you need for each person has their own pain tolerance.

I do not have any suggestions as to how someone blends the physical pain with the emotional pain of losing a loved one but I’m sure that there is a way. You are so new to your grief and to have such a physical injury added to it must be very hard. I suppose there could be an advantage to being slowed down for it could give you the time to allow your grieving of Zizzy, Leo and Shannon to take place. I know that when I was Dx with heart failure I thought I was putting my grieving on a back burner and that caused me to be angry with myself – an emotion I wasn’t prepared to handle at the time. My grief counselor helped me through that until I found myself in a place where I was doing both. The one thing that helped me was to spend time talking about the physical changes that were going on in my body and eventually we got back to my grief of Jim's death. We are amazing human beings and our resiliency is something else!

You take care of yourself and give yourself the tender love and attention you need right now. This place is a very wonderful place to be so keep checking in for we all have you in our hearts. Anne