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Acceptance Is Hard

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It's officially November. While I'm laying here in pain trying to heal from my major knee surgery a week ago, my heart is so very heavy. My brothers birthday is Nov 21 and they would be 53. I really haven't dealt much with the loss of Ziggy in 2004 and losing Leo and then Shan in May and Sept has thrown me into a spin. The holidays are approaching and we have always been together during them.

And I can't help but feel selfish because in some ways knowing Leo's health issues... Which were the same as Ziggy's... I kind of "expected" for lack of a better word for him to loss his battles. I never expected Shannon to lose her battle. I tried so hard to make her fight. But in my heart I knew she gave up the fight to go be with her Love.

I'm just struggling so bad.

And I'm probably not making too much sense being on this pain medication.

It just all hurts... :(

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It looks like November is going to be a very tough month for you, Mary. You have many loses to deal with and added to the deaths of your brothers, Ziggy and Leo, and your SIL, Shannon, you have the temporary loss of your own health to think about, also.

I hope that as the weeks pass you are getting some relief with your pain.

This is the time that you need to work with your grief counselor. Does she/he come to the house? A grief counselor has the tools to guide you in managing multiple loses. We know that we cannot push our grief away because it will only come up and bite us later – we need to deal with our loses.

Marty has a web site that gives us hundreds of solid articles to read that help us on our grief journey. If you are able to read with all the medicine you are taking this is the site to go to: www.griefhealing.com

‘Managing Your Grief’ and ‘Getting Through the Holidays’ are two good articles to read. The site will guide you to other articles that could be very helpful to you, Mary. It is really true when they say, “knowledge is power” because the more I read the more I understand about loss.

I hope you are healing from your surgery. I can't imagine how much pain you have been dealing with during these last days.

You are in my thoughts and on my prayer list.


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Thanks Anne

It's past 1am now and I can't settle.

Thank you for the link to reading material. I will try to concentrate enough to read.

My therapist does not come to homes. I have been in touch by phone this past week though.

I have been trying to read all of Shan's posts here that Kay was kind enough to email to me. It's tough.

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Dear Mary,

I hope you are finding some ways to have a little peace each day. I can only imagine how very painful and difficult this time is for you with so many things going on in your life right now on top of all the losses and memories. Every day must be a struggle for you as you try to find some peace within all the pain and the recovery from the surgery. You are doing so well to come here and share with us and to reach out.

I am sending you lots of love and prayers, and holding you close every day. I know your heart has a lot to bear, and I hope you have your family there with you each day to help you through this time. It must be so very hard.

Please take care of yourself and get enough rest. Let your body heal, and know that even if you cannot feel it, your heart is very slowly beginning to heal as well.

Much Love and Blessings,



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You have so much to deal with right now, triple loss, severe pain, incapacitation, it has to feel overwhelming. You're in my prayers continuously, Iwish I could think of something to say to make you feel better. Anne gave some good suggestion and I hope you'll be able to read and focus enough to ingest them.

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