Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Coping With The Holidays


MartyT

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 105
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

Thank you, Marty, for your review of the DVDs. I trust your opinion and see that there are a few of them that I can order! I am glad that we have a limited time to get one of them FREE. It's ordered - I can't help myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

C.S. Lewis said “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” This can be especially true during the holiday season. Here are three big ones I faced during the first few Christmases without my mother, and my advice looking back. Read more here: The Grief That Stole Christmas: Facing Holiday Fears

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Excellent piece, Marty. Filled with what is real.

Mary

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do not know if anyone will want to do this webinar but thought I would post it anyway. This counselor/coach will, via telephone call and a fee of $24, conduct a webinar involving holidays and creativity (using paper, pen, crayons, wrapping paper). I do not know anything about her. I did listen to her talk radio blog for a while so I thought i would post this and let you decide after reading her link contents. It is about Grief and the Holidays and she will lead you through content and exercises that are fun.

http://marthaatkins.squarespace.com/grief-and-the-holidays/2013/11/9/grief-and-the-holidays.html

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This holiday I"ll keep a candle lit for my beloved, Jim. It doesn't get easier. My Jim only gets woven into my everyday life more. My Christmas ornament with my ten positive memories is almost finished. I have decided on a hummingbird painting on the outside of the ornament.

(started with a clear glass bulb, wrote ten good memories we shared together over the forty years (of course there are more) and rolled the paper and placed it into the bulb - dropped some snow and stars into the bulb, and am painting a hummingbird with scene on the outside of the bulb.) Anne

a Paul Alexander song.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lovely video, Anne and lovely idea - your ornaments and memories.

I purchased a small silver box last week and every time a memory pops into my mind...the joyful ones, the tougher ones, I write it down and put it in the box. Larger box is now needed. :)

Peace these days to all who grieve during this month of holidays,

Mary

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Mary,

I really like your idea of the silver box holding joyful memories and tougher ones. . .You could always use a shoe box and paint it silver. Perhaps next year I can do something with the joyful and tough memories - I need to work on acceptance of all those thoughts as just thoughts first. I am a slow learner and don't always know what is best for me.

Anne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just finished my second Monday with Ashley Davis-Bush, LICSW and her 6 live Internet talks: Hope and Healing of Grievers. Today it was all about staying connected to our loved ones.

  • You might choose to drift from others
  • Death does not take away the love
  • We are who we are because of the love surrounding us
  • “Take the love you have for me and spread it around” said a dying husband to his wife
  • Never apologize for staying connected

An interesting talk and some good points for the holidays…many have been mentioned before but worth repeating:

  • Share a memory
  • At the dinner have a plate under your plate
  • Light a candle
  • Write a letter to your loved one and then – if you can – write a letter as though it were coming from your loved one
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dear Anne, I do not see you as a slow learner at all. I see you carving out your path carefully and thoughtfully.

Peace to you

Mary

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Link to comment
Share on other sites

http://brenebrown.com/2013/12/10/rsabear/

I am choosing to put this brief video here because it depicts so very well what most of us are seeking during these holiday seasons and what ALL of us give each other here year round on this site. Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly narrates this little gem that she has created.

I wish you all peace and bear hugs,

Mary

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Many great ideas. Shared with some folks around here. :wub:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I watched this brief interview and I get a bit concerned that people might think we can heal our grief in 21 days but overall this person who is offering a 21 day free program (emails) has some good ideas on grief and the holidays. So I post knowing everyone here knows full well that healing grief in 21 days is a myth. And I truly do not think she intends that...it was just how the interviewer framed questions. See what you think.

http://www.fromgrieftogratitude.com/

WORKBOOK.pdf This is the workbook which was free after I registered. It is a good record and if one started today or tomorrow...this would focus some energy on gratitude (in holidays) through Jan. 1. Good timing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you Marty and Mary for continuing to find ways for us to cope during the holidays.

One of my projects for December 2013 is making an ornament and a snow globe remembering good memories of my Jim. The snow globe is finished as many birds fly around enjoying the wintery weather. Jim loved anything nature. Inside the snow globe I have placed a list of ten good memories that Jim and I shared over our forty years. It seems like such a simple project to do but it is one I was able to accomplish this year and not without tears. It was good to focus on some good memories as I allow the pain of his death to just be around me. It has been a very hard lesson for me to learn how to accept what is and then turn this pain into something positive.

Anne

post-15704-0-98976600-1386797699_thumb.j

post-15704-0-93262500-1386797791_thumb.j

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lovely, Anne. I really like them and I do appreciate the emotional energy that it took to create them. It is simultaneously fulfilling and energizing as it is also draining and empty. And you did turn it into a lovely positive.

Peace

Mary

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These tips are an excerpt from an email I received from Karen Watts, PhD. who provided some great webinars these past months. Nothing new but great reminders...especially the first one...remember to breath. We all hold our breath often during the day...and when we do that, stress increases affecting about 22 functions in our bodies....so stop and breathe often.

Karen Watts said:

As I work my own way through grief this holiday season over my mother's death, I am sharing with you some of the survival tips that have helped me stay afloat. Please offer them to anyone else who needs some gentle support at this year's end:

  • Remember to breathe. Taking deep breaths regularly throughout the day can be helpful to calm anxiety and quiet the mind. This simple practice can make a huge difference when you are feeling overwhelmed with sadness.
  • Eat small meals or snacks, even if you don't feel hungry. Your body still needs nourishment during difficult emotional times.
  • Drink plenty of water and healthy liquids like juice or tea, even if you don't feel thirsty.
  • Sleep whenever possible. Sleep is always difficult for those in grief, but do your best to rest when you can. A brief nap every now and then can make a big difference.
  • Get some mild exercise. Go for a walk every day or do some yoga postures and stretches at home.
  • Pray or meditate. If you have a spiritual practice, now is the time you will need to use it. Even if you have no words for a prayer say simply "help me" or "heal us all." The time you spend in quiet solitude will help you in the long run.
  • Write in a journal. This is the perfect place to ventilate all the thoughts and emotions that seem crazy and out of control to you. The journal is a safe place to express everything you feel and it will help you to let these feelings out.
  • Light a candle or create some other ritual that can signify and contain your feelings of grief. I have an orange candle (my mother's favorite color) that I am going to light during all the special moments of our family celebration to honor her memory.
  • Allow time for healing. Remember that grief can take years to totally resolve so don't expect it to go away quickly. Don't judge yourself, but allow your own process of healing to unfold. (My note: I happen to believe our grief is ours forever, BUT we learn how to carry it and even use it to grow and to help others and the gut wrenching pain subsides for the most part rearing its head now and then instead of every minute of every day as it did in the beginning......if that is what she means by "resolve" I agree with her).

I am sending much love and peaceful blessings to all who mourn this holiday season!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the school shooting at Newtown and this father who also lost his daughter (not at Newtown) has some suggestions that are applicable to all of us who want to honor those children and teachers and also our own beloveds who have died. I do like this piece a lot and share it with you as we seek ways to honor those whose deaths we grieve especially during these holidays but all year round.

http://www.kendruck.com/2013/12/four-ways-to-honor-and-heal-after-a-loss/?utm_source=Join+Ken%27s+Email+List&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=d34245bbcb-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_term=0_7eacb9deb5-d34245bbcb-88168741

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The following is a quote from the book: Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief.
Sometimes anticipation of an event is even harder than the actual event. You may find that the entire month is a drawn out anticipation of xmas day. Remember to say 'no' when you can, to treat yourself kindly, and to rest as much as possible.
1504986_10153625014545374_1677951296_n.j
Link to comment
Share on other sites

An interesting article from goodtherapy.org about handling the 'shoulds' and mindfulness during the holidays. I hope I can post it but since it's a blog you or Marty might have to Mary. :blush: Surprise - it posted. Enjoy.

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/shoulds-mindfulness-holidays-stress-1224124

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...