MartyT Posted December 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 Dear Ones, Our dear friend Elaine Mansfield offers a beautiful ritual filled with meaning in her current blog post: How to Create a Solstice Ritual: Honoring Nature's Pause ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 18, 2013 Report Share Posted December 18, 2013 I am putting this on the holiday string because as Ashley Davis Bush (author of Transcending Loss) says so well here...."we only need to be where we are right now". We do not have to be in the tomorrow's...just here...now. I believe that helps to shrink the mountains sometimes a little bit and sometimes all the way down to hill or even a mound. Biting off too many days at one time that can make some of the mountains feel higher, steeper, and more rugged. Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief Sometimes life seems like one mountain to climb after another. Just when you think you've reached the peak after a struggle, you look around to notice a new peak to climb. That's why the journey is more important than the destination. Your life's journey has taken a turn that you didn't want, didn't plan, didn't desire. And you don't know what peaks lie ahead. So be in this moment of the journey (with all its simultaneous sorrow and love) and know that you only need to be where you are right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 19, 2013 Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Thursday, Dec. 19 Webinar on Tips for Handling the Holidays FREE, register first: 4-5pm PST (6pm Central) (5pm AZ) Converter: www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converted.html?iso=20131219T16&p1=217&p2=197 Tips for Handling the Holidays Join us on Thursday, December 19, 2013 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM PST This message is to remind you that the following Webinar will take place Thursday, December 19, 2013 4:00 PM - 5:00 PM PST. http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Free-Tips-for-Handling-the-Holidays-Webinar.html?soid=1110269189503&aid=8xXrY2WWJkI ALSO A free download of stories on handling grief if you sign up for their newsletter. This is a good website. http://www.opentohope.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Dear Ones, I think this is the original link: http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Free-Tips-for-Handling-the-Holidays-Webinar.html?soid=1110269189503&aid=8xXrY2WWJkI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 19, 2013 Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Marty, as usual your gold digging resulted in the discovery of gold nuggets. I changed the link in my post. Thank you, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 19, 2013 Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Some of this author's ideas may be helpful. http://www.kendruck.com/2013/12/how-to-coach-yourself-through-the-holidays/?utm_source=Join+Ken%27s+Email+List&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=978f701326-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_term=0_7eacb9deb5-978f701326-88168741 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 19, 2013 Report Share Posted December 19, 2013 Another piece on this subject: http://purplelotuscoaching.com/tips-manage-grief-holidays/?goback=.gde_4812352_member_5819361838457962499#! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 20, 2013 Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 Just finished the webinar on Tips for the Holidays sponsored by three groups: Finding Hope After loss, Open To Hope and Compassionate Friends. Well done with many helpful ideas. This webinar will be posted on FB at Compassionate Friends if anyone is interested. Some of the things that I found helpful: The first year is a ‘fog’ - we’re not really sure what happened We are ‘thawing out’ if we are around the second year of a loss We recognize that we are ‘alive alone’ We are centered on self Our emotions are strong We need to modify our commitments Between the second and later years we start to experiment – we may want to do something different We have a little more control We find we have a little more energy – we can settle into a routine We modify our expectations and We can start to reach out to help others If at a gathering and it is too much for you GO FOR A WALK, say you have the FLU – no one wants someone at a party if they’re sick – they might not understand your grief but they do understand DIARRHEA! Some tips mentioned for a ‘new holiday normal’ later on in grief – some things have been repeated before: Share a memory Decorate a wreath with favorite items that meant something to your loved one Decorate an ornament – personalize it with their name on it Display pictures Light a candle Make a toast – include all those who have passed Make a favorite dish Recall funny memories This is the time to lean on others who are further along. Our forum is a great place for this. I have been helped so very much by reading posts of those who are further down the road than I am. Those who are further along are our lifelines and I want to personally thank those who have shared their journeys so I can be better prepared. So, we learn to keep a balance in our lives. We are the CEOs of our grief. Life and Loss go together. And I say – ride the roller coaster, surf those waves, know that there will be those days that you just want to stay in bed – nothing wrong with that! And when you get down in a hole be sure you have a ladder near by or a good friend who understands and is willing to sit with you until you're ready to climb out. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 You are an outstanding recorder and reporter, Anne! Thank you so much for sharing your important notes with all of us! P.S. ~ I saw a copy of this coloring book when I was out and about today, and thought of you, Anne. It's a beautiful coloring book for grownups! You might want to take a look at it: Secret Garden: An Inky Treasure Hunt and Coloring Book ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 20, 2013 Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 You are welcome, Marty. I found the webinar informative. I completed my memory ornament and now have a snow globe and an ornament this year. Oh, and now look what I did. I went to Amazon AGAIN and bought Secret Garden: An Inky Treasure Hunt and Coloring Book and some new art pencils. The pictures I saw look challenging but I'm up to one. Thank you for the link and your thought. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 20, 2013 Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 Anne, your notes are just wonderful. I missed a good part of the webinar. Thanks for your generosity in posting these. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 20, 2013 Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 You are welcome, Mary. You are one of the treasured ones who has been so generous in your sharing. We can learn much if one is open to the journeys of others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 20, 2013 Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 20, 2013 Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 A wonderful radio program for those interested - handling death and the holidays with Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley - Open To Hope, Support for Dealing with Death, Grief, Loss, Bereavement opentohope.com Harriet Hodgson "How Can Your Bring Holiday Cheer to a Loved One in Invensve Care," my latest article, is on www.opentohope.com now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2013 Dear Ones, I've just happened upon a website designed specifically for widowers, and want to be sure our members here know about it: National Widowers' Organization See especially this helpful article, New Holiday Traditions for Widowers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 21, 2013 Report Share Posted December 21, 2013 So many good tips - I hope this was not posted before - I hope our forum people are seeing all these wonderful ideas. "Gratitude does not need to be focused on big things." http://thegrieftoolbox.com/article/handle-holidays-your-way-year#.UrYUzkd95V0.facebook Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 22, 2013 Report Share Posted December 22, 2013 This came in my email today from Ashley Davis Bush: Still Waters tools and resources for living deeply Ashley Davis Bush, LICSW "Ho Ho Ho" or "Bah Humbug"? Which is your refrain this year? For many of us, this is NOT the most wonderful time of the year. If you're in that camp - or know someone who is - please use and share these seasonal resources: Blue Christmas: 6 Tips for Coping with Grief During the Holidays Coping with Grief During the Holidays: Do's and Don'ts When it's NOT the Most Wonderful Time of the Year I am wishing you light in the darkness, Peace, Ashley P.S. I want to thank you for your support and your interest in my work. It is an honor to share ideas that make a difference. Ashley Davis Bush, LICSW is a licensed psychotherapist, a Huffington Post blogger, and the author of 4 self-help books. Her private practice is in Epping, NH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 A friend posted this on Facebook today. It is a series, apparently, running from Dec. 1 through Christmas (all of Advent in other words). Some of you may resonate with this. Each day's "entry" is several short pages that you can move through by clicking in the lower right. You can go to the archive (link at bottom) to start the entire series -there is no magic about doing them on Dec. 1 etc. I am a believer that ALL religions have something to say to me...it matters not which one. Love is the goal. Peace is the way. (Course in Miracles quote I love) This is an excerpt from one of today's pages....by the Goo Goo Dolls-relevant to all here, I believe. ---------------------------------------- One of my favorite Christmas tunes is “Better Days” by the the Goo Goo Dolls: And you ask me what I want this year And I try to make this kind and clear. Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings And designer love and empty things; Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.The prophet Isaiah encourages the Israelites to joyfully lift up their voices to the sovereign God who brings peace and redemption for all. Salvation and better days are arriving in the form of a child — a gift more magnificent than any shiny present. Andy Acton Link to the site: http://www.d365.org/followingthestar/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Though I don't remember the details, I do recall someone reminding everyone here last month that Thanksgiving could be easily referred to as just a Thursday. Though it seems a more difficult to do that this week....it might help a bit to remember that Christmas can just be called Wednesday. These holidays can be so difficult for those who grieve...and it is a challenge in many instances to remember that no one here is alone. We in this circle have everyone else in the circle for support and understanding. It is a thought that can lend a moment of comfort this week. Even when you might be sitting at that table where an empty chair is physically present or emotionally present (in your heart/mind), or as you sit alone anywhere (even if you are surrounded by people or not)....try to remember that you are surrounded by an entire group of people who care and understand. Peace, Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 I think that is what makes our journeys manageable, Mary. We ARE a connected body here on this forum. I found the following on FB today and it spoke to me since I'm trying to focus on the good memories this year and I do think of them as "treasured gifts." Transcending Loss: Understanding the lifelong impact of grief Memories can feel painful because they highlight loss, but memories are also treasured gifts. They remind you of happy times, of richness, of love. Holding onto beautiful memories reminds you of the blessings that you have enjoyed. Those blessings are a part of you and live on within you. So hold each memory with reverence and let it take you on a path of holding onto the good that is imprinted upon your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 During the Holidays and Beyond: Wishing You Enough - a story originally written by Bob Perks and reprinted on Marty Tousley's GriefHealing blog Grief and the Holidays - an insightful article by Katherine Ingram Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Thank you, Anne. You are so generous with your gifts of helpful articles. Have a peaceful evening. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 24, 2013 Report Share Posted December 24, 2013 A friend wrote and sent this to me this morning and I share it with you as my Christmas wish. I am quite aware that, especially during these holidays, you (and yes, I) walk in grief and sadness as well as in celebration, gratitude and healing. I know that most, if not all, of you will be present simultaneously to what is going on around you (be it people celebrating or a TV distracting you) and to the pain that sits deep in your hearts that no one can see or know. Please know that you are held in my thoughts and prayers as many in our world celebrate Christmas. May the peace inherent in these days rest gently in your hearts as it calms and heals your soul. Peace, Mary I'm thinking of you, Sending grateful energies To connect and surround you, Whatever circumstances May currently call, challenge and Comfort you. May the incarnated Lover At the center of creation And at the center of each of us Penetrate every dormant potential And awaken us to embrace All that transforms and clarifies, All that ensures genuine peace And unity with integrity. As we come to the table Of our divine and human drama Celebrating the miracle Of God's mystery among us, Growing through our days of chaos and order, We lift our glasses and salute How all things Work together As we remain centered In the Love that Makes the angels sing. H.E. Christmastide 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted December 24, 2013 Report Share Posted December 24, 2013 Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem, Mary. Your Christmas wish is accepted with an open heart and your words are being sent right back to you. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2013 Blessings to you, Mary, and thank you for that ~ and may peace, hope and love be with all of us on these special and holy days ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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