Coping With The Holidays

[mfh]

Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem, Mary. Your Christmas wish is accepted with an open heart and your words are being sent right back to you. Anne

Thank you, Anne!

[mfh]

Blessings to you, Mary, and thank you for that ~

and may peace, hope and love be with all of us on these special and holy days ♥

...and to you, my dear Marty.

[mfh]

This is lovely and was posted by Alana Sheeren in her blog: by www.alanasheeren.com A Wish…

Posted on December 24, 2013 by Alana

Wherever you are this week and whatever you’re celebrating (or not celebrating) I wish for you to:

~ find your breath and deepen it, as many times as necessary

~ embrace the beauty of the shadows as well as the light

~ step outside the messiness of being human, just for a moment, and see it with new and loving eyes

~ beam compassion to those around you, knowing that we are all doing our best with the stories and wounds and secrets we have

~ dance with wild abandon, even if only in your heart

[mfh]

"I will light candles this Christmas.

Candles of joy, despite all the sadness.

Candles of hope where despair keeps watch.

Candles of courage where fear is ever present.

Candles of peace for tempest-tossed days.

Candles of grace to ease heavy burdens.

Candles of love to inspire all of my living.

Candles that will burn all the year long. "

Howard Thurman

[mfh]

Post Christmas Thoughts

I would like to share a few thoughts now that Christmas Day is behind us. Late November and the entire month of December has bombarded everyone with a steady flow of reminders, memories, a to do list, expectations, grief triggers, social events, firsts, fears, anticipations, challenges and more. Dealing with these is exhausting, probably more exhausting than is known at the time because the focus is on getting through them emotionally and not necessarily on how tiring it is to do so.

The holidays are almost over and they have, perhaps, left in their tracks, a sense of relief. It is important to pay close attention to your feelings and needs. You have made it through Christmas day with less or more pain than you anticipated. Perhaps it was not as difficult, even easy and fun, as you thought it would be. Perhaps it was worse than you dreamed. Most likely it was a roller coaster of emotion and memories. And it is not quite over.

It is so typical of people to spend time this week creating a list of New Year's resolutions most of which will be forgotten quickly. I do not make resolutions. I do renew some intentions which, in reality, are no different than they were before Bill died.

I intend to live in the moment. Be here now.

I intend to let go of expectations i.e. minimize shoulds, oughts, and musts.

I intend to be me.

One of my biggest challenges in the early days after Bill died was expecting myself to move through grief at a lickety-split speed. It took a long time before I just relaxed into the journey. Off and on I still deal with pressuring myself to be where I am not. And believe me, when our energy and focus is on what "should be" we are not healing. Instead we are creating an obstacle course that is slowing down the healing process, tightening our muscles and creating fatigue and stress.

Rest after these trying weeks. Move slowly. If New Year's Eve or day is challenging, see if you can create a plan so that it is a time of renewal. Perhaps schedule a massage or have a friend in for dessert (not an entire meal) or create a ritual that has meaning for you. Keep it simple. It is time for you to take care of you. Cry if tears need to be released.

The quote I posted yesterday:

“I would like to beg you, dear sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

[MartyT]

A wonderful post-holiday message from Catherine Tidd (aka Widow Chick): The Widow Awards