8 Year Anniversary

[LarrysGirl]

8 years ago, my life completely changed. I am not the same person, actually I don't feel alive at all. I was looking thru pictures that I share each anniversary to post on Facebook and I feel numb, depressed and emotionless looking at his face.

My stress and constant fatigue have drained the energy to feel anything right now.

My Larry was courageous, strong, funny, big hearted, loving, compassionate, loved his family and his beagles. He fought an illness for many years that robbed him of his health, his strength but not his heart. I have yet to find a way for life to go on without him. Deborah

[feralfae]

Dear Deborah,

I am so sorry you lost Larry and that these years have been so painful and stressful. I am glad you are still here with us, and I hope someone will have words will help you, comfort you, bring you peace and some respite from the stress and fatigue. I am so sorry.

I am early from losing Doug, and yet each anniversary, each special day, each trigger just floods me with memories and I still stagger through those days, usually crying most of the time, remembering, and sometimes now, smiling at some very happy memory about the day, or just about our life and love.

I hope you can find one memory today that makes you smile as you remember Larry. He certainly is a husband worth celebrating. Peace to your heart, dear Deborah.

Blessings and

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

My dear Deborah,

These anniversaries can be so difficult and I do know that going through photographs, as you are today (and which I also sometimes do on anniversaries and special days), brings up many memories and yes, pain.

Your Larry has kind eyes that match your description of him and I do appreciate how much you miss him, believe me.

I do think finding our new paths is challenging. We (and society) attach a lot of "should's" to it e.g. 'I should be done' or 'I should be further along'...etc. Your Larry struggled for a long time, "many years" as you said. That means you also struggled as you assisted him and lived with his illness as daily life also had its demands. All that is so exhausting with repeated trips to doctors, dealing with symptoms, with the ups and downs, getting hopes up and then having them dashed against the rocks and watching him get worse. I hope you have good support in your life; one or two people to talk to, even a grief support group, which can be so valuable especially as time goes on and friends sometimes just do not comprehend that you hurt. I find that talking to friends who "get it" when I especially feel the sadness of Bill's death, is very helpful. I send you love and light today in the middle of this darkness.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

[enna]

I hear the pain in your words, Deborah. I am so sorry that you are suffering so much. I am learning through this journey that we who have lost our spouses will always be numb, tired, drained because we are NOT the people we were when our spouses were alive. Only later, much later will we find a way to weave our spouses into our ‘new’ lives.

You have always talked so tenderly about your Larry and how “courageous, strong, funny, big hearted, loving, compassionate, and loving to family and his beagles” he was during his time here on earth. No wonder you miss him and are feeling all these emotions. I wish I could take the feeling you feel about your loss away but you know that we each have to find our own way to move through our journey.

I lack the words to comfort you. I just want you to know that I hear you and send you (((hugs))). Stay here by this fire we have lit and there will be some comfort just knowing that you are being heard. Anne

[Queeniemary]

Deborah, looking through pictures is so hard sometimes. I do understand. The picture of your Larry is very nice, he looks like such a sweet gentle man. The way you describe him reminds me of my Mike. I know you miss him, as I miss Mike. I also have no real words of comfort, just know that we all understand, and are thinking of you. {{hugs}}

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[Wifflesnook]

I too have no words to make you feel better. Just to say like the others "I know"

[Wifflesnook]

Dear Deborah

I wonder if you follow Jan Warner's blog called Stop thief: don't steal my grief? Or follow her on Facebook? Her husband died in 2009 and her grief is still very much present but she writes so well and I can really relate to how she feels. I don't see how, if we have had such a close connection to our beloved husbands, it could ever become something we are over. I will carry with me until I die the pain of loss of Pete. When I see the changing photos of him on the frame in the living room every time I see his lovely face I feel an awful pang and yet I feel good that he loved me and I beleive in a way I can't understand that he is with me because he would never willingly leave me.

[Guest babylady]

dear deborah -- so sorry. it's been almost 18 months since i lost my beloved john. i cry every day.

arlene

[LarrysGirl]

Jan C, thank you I will check that out. Today is Larry's birthday, he would have been 57, gone too soon. Will post about his birthday shortly, with a sweet picture.

[kayc]

Deborah,

We have been fellow sojourners these eight years. I know the path you've traversed has been difficult, a lot of struggles, and just plain "missing Larry". You're right, gone way too soon. My George would be 59 if he were still here.

I hope you've found a way to spend the day. And hopefully you aren't working today.

Kay

[LarrysGirl]

Nope, not working today, thank goodness. I've painted some but my thoughts are scattered. The anger of it all, the medical mistakes, such a crime and no one is ever held accountable. He came into my life and saved me, accepted me, and I was so happy. Then I could not save him, no matter how hard I tried. I need to find a way for my body and mind to rest, the job is exhausting me but I don't have much choice. Thanks for being with me on this sad journey Kay, you've always been there for me, love to you, Deborah

[kayc]

(((hugs)))