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Deep Holiday Depression


Mary1063

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I'm in a very horribly deep depression. Numbness is still huge. But pain is in my heart too. The holidays are weighing on my heart so heavily. It's very hard to get up every day. And very hard to get through very dark long lonely nights. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful I have my husband. For so many do not.

Honestly the only reason I am functioning for the holidays is for my two grandsons. They are the reason I still breathe in and out each day.

It's so hard though to put on a smile. It's so hard to breathe in and out. :(

I look at their faces and they are the reason to keep trying.

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Mary dear, I am so sorry you are in such pain even though it is so very understandable. I am glad you have your cute grandsons....thank you for sharing their pictures. They certainly give you a focus, help you as you heal and I am sure they provide some distraction. You are not alone. We are all here for and with you, Mary

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Dear Mary,

Oh, my dear one, I am so very sorry that you are falling into the darkness of depression, and yet, I can understand. Your grief is very heavy, weighing you down, and so many with whom you wish you could be smiling are not there with you.

Your grandsons are adorable! Children that age are filled with life, laughter, and goodness. I hope their presence brings you little bits of joy and smiles, even as your heart aches so much from the absence of Leo, Ziggy, and Shannon. I know it is going to be rough for you through these holidays, and please come here often and share with us, and let us help you make it through these days so laden with memories and longing.

We are with you and we understand.

Blessings and peace to your heart, dear Mary,

*<twinkles>*

fae

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Thank you dears, Mary and Fae

So I spent yesterday, last night, and today in the hospital. My blood pressure spiked to a dangerously high 176/131 and I am on verapamil, benicar, and HCTZ. Still it scared the life out of me. After monitoring and blood work, they determined my potassium and sodium were way too low. Thus putting stress on my heart. Causing the elevation in BP and irregular heart beat. So I got IV stuff pumped in. Things feel better today. My numbers improved enough to be discharged. I got "lectured" on having to force myself to eat and drink even though I have zero appetite.

So I'm home. And trying to behave myself. Eating little meals several times a day will be the key.

Depression really has a grip on me.

Going now to have a spinach and fruit smoothie and a grilled ham and cheese sandwich my son made me.

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My dear Mary, Please do nourish yourself with good food or snacks, rest, and listening to what you need. Peace, Mary

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Dear Mary,

I am glad to hear you are under orders to take better care of yourself. The smoothies sound wonderful! Keep up the eating and drinking plan, and we are all here cheering you on!
Much Love and

*<twinkles>*

fae

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Dear Mary,

I don't know when you will see this, but I was thinking of you this evening, and all your challenges you are having right now. I know you have two wonderful little boys to make you smile and I hope you are feeling well enough that they are smiling as well.

I hope that all your meds are getting balanced, that you are comfortable, and that you are enjoying more smoothies and grilled cheese sandwiches. And I hope you are finding some joy in each day, and that one thing makes you smile, and that your food tastes delicious while you are slowly enjoying it.

I hope things are getting a little bit better each day for you, and the pain a little less, and the peace a little more.

I am sending lots of love and holding you in my heart, dear Mary.

Blessings and

*<twinkles>*

fae

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Thank you Mary, Anne, and Fae

I'm doing my best to eat little meals. Yesterday was three months since Shan passed. As close as I was to my brothers, I cannot really begin to express how close I was to Shan and how deeply my love was for her. It almost feels like I didn't really know how much until she was gone. And that hurts my heart because perhaps if I could have made her feel more love, she would have fought harder to survive. However, I know how lost she felt without my brother. And her Mom as well.

Sorry, I'm just rambling...

I'm going back to nap on this chilly morning. We got ice and snow.

Stay warm. You all are in my prayers and thoughts... I know everyone is struggling this holiday season with grief and physical ailments. Hugs and love. XO

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Mary,

I know it's hard. No matter who we still have, we miss those who are gone from us. I'm glad you have your grandchildren, theymust be a big blessing.

I haven't heard much from you lately, don't know if I missed something, but hope you're healing more each day. I pray some enjoyment comes to you this Christmas season.

Blessings,

Kay

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  • 4 months later...

Grandchildren are a blessing and certainly a positive, loving and constructive distraction from your pain and grief. But your love for your grandchildren alone is not enough to overcome clinical depression. You love them right now and have their love but are clinically depressed. So you can see that for yourself. What are you doing about the depression besides eating little meals? You said these little meals are going to "be the key" but those little meals are not going to clear up your deep depression either. I would urge you to attack that deep depression head on by seeing a mental health professional. Not because you are crazy but because you are grieving and grief can turn into depression whereby you have a mix of grief and depression. See a medical doctor too and ask them if medication is on the horizon in your quest to turn this depression around. The best to you. You can do it. Don't give up!

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