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Deb: A Snapshot Of Someone I Didn't Deserve


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I can't believe how long it's been already. In fact there's still a part of me that can't believe any of this is real, as ridiculous as that sounds.

I only miss you more each day. And nobody sees it. With rare exception, no one has seen all the tears, the anguish, the sleepless nights, the rage...the massive darkness your loss has thrown on my life. But to some extent, I probably I have that coming, so that isn't what gets me the most. What gets me is that YOU didn't deserve ANY of this. And I hate life for that cruelty. When I think of all you went through, so bravely battled and endured, only to lose in the end.....I feel so angry, so frustrated that I couldn't stop it.

I can only hope you're still out there, somehow; you still being "out there" and well and happy is the only thing that seems logical or just. And that I'll see you again - sometimes that hope is all I have.

I love you Deb. Please be waiting for me. And forgive the many, many ways I was lacking, if you can, though I don't deserve that either.

Merry Christmas.

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I do understand how hard it is to believe your loss is real. Your Deb was surely a wonderful person and I do know you miss her so. I also understand how difficult it is to see someone you love so dearly suffer. No one deserves to suffer and that includes you, my friend. I think most, if not all of those who lose someone, look back at some point and see how they could have been more or better. Our humanity gets in the way, sometimes, of doing what our hearts know is best. I certainly can relate to that. I do believe that your Deb is with you in many ways. Her love and energy are certainly a part of you and well, where else would be be but with you? I hope you can experience some peace knowing she is with you always. Thank you for sharing this and also the picture and story of Deb.



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