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Not Doing So Well...


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Hi friends,

Physically, mentally, and emotionally I am doing pretty awful. I've had more seizures since coming home from the hospital. Medication is still being tweaked and I'm just exhausted no matter how much I rest. PT and OT have been working with me. But I'm just not getting anywhere it seems. Sunday was seven months since Leo passed. It was also Shannon's Mother's birthday... A day she always was so pained on. So I know she is in her Mom's arms as she always wanted. But seven months without my brother is still quite a stab in the heart. He was a fighter for so many years. He should be here. And I know... I know without a doubt... That Shannon would have not given up her battle had Leo been here. Leo fought time and time and time again simply because he knew Shan was there loving him through it all. But Shan never had that through her cancer following his death. The only consolation in my heart is that my big brother is with his loving wife for eternity and with my other big brother.

Rambling... Yes...

It's just a very hard time. And bittersweet after reading all of Shannon's posts here with all of you. Thanks to Kay for sending me them all. But seeing her very first was a year ago this January 6th. You all were there for her. And through so much. I can't ever express my gratitude to all of you who loved and supported Shan in her losses and in Leo's illness and passing and then in her own battle. And welcoming me here too.

My head is hurting so badly right now. So I'd better go rest.

I wish you all peace and health in this new year to come.

With much love always.

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Dear Mary,

I just know that Shannon and your brothers are smiling at you in gratitude for all you did for them. I wish you health and healing in this year ahead.

Peace

Mary

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Good Morning, dear Mary. You are one strong lady and my wish for you is that you have good health in 2014. I believe that your brothers Ziggy and Leo and Shannon surround you and you will find the strength you need to deal with your illnesses.

My New Year will be a quiet one - intentionally. I like to reflect on the past year and see if there has been any growth. I do not make resolutions only pray that I become a better person than I've been. I'll watch some movies, enjoy my colored pencil art, and of course read and play with Benji.

I continue to hold you in my heart.

Anne

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It is a big thing, finding consolation in the fact that Shannon is reunited with her mom and her and Leo are together forever. And you will be with them too one day, but just not yet...you still have a husband here that needs you and probably more people than you can begin to realize needing you here. Have you asked your therapists if they think you've made any progress? Sometimes its hard for us to see it when we're in the throes of it, but an outsider can more quickly observe and measure our progress.

You've had a really hard 2013, I for one am glad to see it close...2014 brings us hope for a better year with something going right in it! My thoughts and prayers are with you always. It was easy for us to be here for Shannon, penning words, the really tough stuff was what you did for her. And now you need someone to be there for YOU. (((hugs)))

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