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Remembering My Sister


enna

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More than anything, dear sister, I miss you. We shared so many special times. Tonight I really need to talk with you and I so wish it was in person.

We have had many family losses over the years. Mom and Dad are gone. Our baby brother and sister are gone. I am really alone right now in our family unit.

I reflect on the short span of time that you were stricken with the DX of small cell carcinoma in both lungs. In hospital on the 20th of January and gone on the 23rd of January, 2010…the cancer cells had spread throughout your body. Dead of winter in ND and being in deep care of Jim prevented me from traveling. The ground was so frozen that your burial could not even take place until spring. Our telephone conversation still remains fresh in my mind. We laughed about childhood things. I promised that I’d take care of my two nieces.

I really miss all those close to me right now. This candle is lit in remembrance of you. May you be in peace and please look after me.

Your loving sister,

annabanana

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Anne,

I am sorry you are missing your sister, I know you need her now and are feeling that loss as well as the loss of your little Benji. (((hugs)))

Kay

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I am so sorry, Anne. I did not realize you had so recently lost your sister. It is loss after loss after loss. We are not your sister but we are here for you and we are sisters of the soul. I just know we all hold you in our hearts.

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Thank you Kay and Mary. Yes, I am missing my sister tonight. She was the one sibling I could talk to. My niece and I will have a conversation tomorrow and remember her life as a sister, wife, mother, friend, and just an all rounded person. She was filled with wisdom and always knew just what to say.

I seem to be asked to carry much sorrow these days. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it. I have to remember the "one minute, one hour, one day" advice that I have tried to practice after Jim died. When I think about it now, I have lost every member of my family except one sister who is difficult to talk to. Our distance comes from a false understanding of her primitive religion - if you are not a devote, practicing Catholic than you are not welcome in her circle! That is her issue and her choice.

Besides my parents who are no longer on this earth my only younger brother died of a brain aneurysm at an early age, my younger sister died of ovarian cancer and my sister (two years older) died of small cell carcinoma - we are remembering her death tomorrow.

Now I deal with the loss of a special canine who came into my life only one year ago. There is a void. We truly found each other. I don't know why it was such a short time together. I only know that the silence here is so painful.

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I just write a long reply but then found I wasn't logged in and lost it. This will have to be shorter. I said that although it couldn't really help I was with you in your grief for your sister. Mine died aged 39 in a motor scooter accident. My brother died in 2010 aged only 62. I coped with their deaths because I had Pete by my side. Since he died I feel their loss in a sharper way. I don't share my sorrow with my son and daughter as I don't want to burden them. The loss of beloved Benji on top of all your other sorrows! and about the time you are grieving for your sister at the anniversary of her death is so hard Anne. I have been so sad about Benji since I heard. This is not just a pet loss. It is the loss of a dear companion. Jan

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Anne, thinking of you today as you honor your sister's death on this anniversary and as you grieve the loss of your sweet Benji.

Mary

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That's right, Benji wasn't just a dog, he truly was your companion. My sisters have always been the most important thing in my life (besides my kids & dog) and I know how important a close sister is to you...one who is always there, one you can always talk to. Because I've been married four times, although that was never my intention, I used to joke "husbands may come and go, but sisters are forever". I hope that doesn't offend anyone, I've learned to cope with humor, it was my dad's legacy to me. Things we can't change, we joke about, I guess as a way of diffusing it a bit. I know that when we lose someone very dear to us, that loss continues on in our heart for the rest of our lives, as it's life changing for us and everything that occurs in life is "before" or "after" that event...it was a life defining moment. My heart goes out to you as you remember your sister's life today.

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You are so very right, Kay, about humor. I have always had that little bit of Irish humor in me and really do believe that laughter is a good medicine. My Jim used to look in the mirror and make comments like: "well hello there handsome" or "you're looking real good today" and then he would make these awful funny faces that made me laugh. I found it hard not to love him.

My memories of my sister are all good. She had a way of "protecting' me as the middle sibling. I guess she thought I needed a little more love being in the middle.

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Dear Anne,

I lost my brother years ago, and the loss is still a part of the space in my heart. I am so sorry that your sister is gone, but so glad you are here with us through this time. Some things bring memories and smiles, as well as sadness at the ending of those relationships. I think siblings can hold a special place in our hearts, share so much of our lives, and hold sets of memories of us that no one else has.

Peace to you today, dear Anne.

namaste.

fae

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As I read posts these past days and before, I am made deeply aware that though a specific significant loss brought all of us together, all of us here came knowing losses of others in our lives that were/are significant and those losses are ones we grieve as well as the one that brought us to this circle. I reach out today to all here for all the losses you have experienced and grieve. Parents, siblings, pets, spouses, children, friends and more. There is a lot of pain between all of us which also means we have loved and been loved by so many.

Peace and healing to all of us,

Mary

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Oh Anne, I'm so very sorry you have lost so much. I'm sorry you lost your beloved Benji. I'm so sorry you are missing your sister. I'm so sorry you have lost so many you love. I'm sending you warm prayers and hugs.

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Thank you, dear Mary. How are you doing? You are on my mind daily. We are strong and we will do what we need to do to continue to live a life that our loved ones would want us to live. Bless you. Anne

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Pain is the measurement of the love we have had, so I guess we've all been blessed.

I'm not sure if I'm in the middle or what, Anne. My mom had two batches, one by each brother she married. I'm the oldest in the second batch. However, when I was a child I was the youngest until age 9. By age 12 I was the oldest (at home) and acquired two siblings between age 9 and 15, although the youngest was my "nephew" until after I left home. No wonder I'm mixed up! :)

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Well they say your family placement DOES affect you, so it'd help if I knew, but I consider myself in the middle mostly. :)

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Anne, I am thinking of you this evening and of how you are finding your way.

Kay, I am hoping you are doing a lot of RICE.

Have a wonderful night of restful sleep.

*<twinkles>*

fae

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fae, anything from the doctors you want to share from today?

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I am back to wearing the dreadful compress, ugh. It seemed it was getting worse instead of better, visible swelling, pain. Yep, RICE. :)

fae, did you go to the doctor today?

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  • 3 weeks later...

"I have bowed low to an extreme degree...all day long I have walked about sad...I have grown numb to an extreme degree...as for my lovers and my companions,they keep standing away ...my close aquaintances themselves have stood off at a distance."(Psalms 38:6,8,11). Have you ever felt this way? I know I have especially when I lost my younger sister when she was killed by a drunk driver. As you can see one of God's close friends David felt this way when he was alive. Isn't it comforting to know we are not alone in how we feel?

But what hope is there for you and your family? This is not the end. Imagine talking to your sister again face to face and expressing your feelings like you expressed to us. Imagine telling her how much you missed her and what events happened after she died.Imagine giving her a big hug and her wiping the tears off your face saying to you "Its okay its me Im here." She goes and askes about your other siblings and parents yet before she can finish they are running up to you guys to embrace you two. Yes God promises that you will without a doubt see your loved ones with again here on earth. And could you imagine having your first family feast togther with everyone's favorite dishes.

Notice what God promises soon will come at Psalms 37:11,"the meek will possess the earth and they will find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace." Yes you and your family will be able to live on the the earth forever. Really how can you enjoy an abundance of peace even peace of mind forever without the ones that complete you, yes, your family?

Here is are some amazing yet practical suggestions found in this Brochure entitled "When someone you love dies". It really helped my family and I. See for yourself...

http://www.jw.org/download/?output=html&pub=we&fileformat=MP3&alllangs=0&langwritten=E&txtCMSLang=E&isBible=0

Hang in there. Im here if you need to bounce off your thoughts. Ashley

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My friend, I think we all understand and appreciate the intention and the sentiment behind the faith-based statements and references you have articulated here ~ but in deference to our non-Christian members, I must caution you that such comments run the risk of alienating some of our other members. Not all of our members are of the Christian faith, after all, and while they may be reluctant to say so, they may find such statements off-putting if not downright offensive. While I certainly don't think that is your intention, I want to caution you ~ and all our members, for that matter ~ to be careful in expressing specific aspects of (or reasons for) our faith, lest we give the impression that we're preaching, promoting a particular religious doctrine or trying to convert others to our own religious beliefs.

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Oh,I am sorry. That was far from my intentions. Just thought it would be comforting. Since I saw words like Jesus and Heaven, I just naturally responded but okay I understand. And sorry I responded so late I never got the messages sent to me personally through a personal post but I did get your email. And anyone out there sorry if I offended you or if you felt I was preaching or promoting particular religious doctrine or trying to convert you to my religious beliefs. I hope you find comforting and satisfying answers to your concerns and questions about death. Hope your recieve some sort of closure and help as well. Take care and have a good day.

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I read it last night and what came to my mind was "Comfort others with the same comfort you've received" and although it's from the Bible, I think it's the gyst of what we all try to do here. Some, but not all are of the Christian belief, but you will find Buddha, and others quoted here...the important thing being, that we don't try to prosthelytize, because this isn't the place for that...that would make some uncomfortable so that they would not be here, and that would defeat the purpose of this site, which is to help any and all who are grieving. To that extent we try to come on common ground rather than through differences. Where there are differences, we give respect to each other and each other's beliefs, which are varied and many. I've found it's actually been a good place to learn from others!

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