Holding On To A Ring Denial?

[Myfathersgirl]

Is it common to keep an object from you loved one in your pocket and hold on to it because there are skin cells and DNA on it so it's still a piece of them with you or is that a form of denial becaue you aren't letting them go? My grandma was on a ventilator and we knew on Friday we were close to losing her and I slept that night holding the ring that she had given me. She died yesterday afternoon. You'd think it would get easier since I'e experienced this before with my other five grandparents. Maybe the fact that she was lhe last grandparent I had left makes it even harder to let got because that means admitting that that entire generation is gone.

[mfh]

I think it is common to hang on to items that belonged to someone we love knowing they have touched the item or that it meant a lot to them. We do not ever have to let go of those we love. Instead we have a different kind of relationship with that person. We treasure the memories and we even feel their presence around us or in our hearts. It is different for everyone. Grief is unique even though there are many things in common.

I think losing your last grandparent is important. It is like the end of that generation. Death becomes more real to us when those we love die. Treasure your memories. Write your grandmother a letter. That helps you to say things that are in your heart.

Peace to your heart,

Mary

[MartyT]

Dear One, I want to assure you that your need to hold onto your grandmother's ring is perfectly normal. Known as "memory tokens" or "linking objects," such items are keepsakes that, in a symbolic way, remind us of our loved one. Wearing or holding onto your grandmother's ring is your way to remind yourself of your relationship with her, and to maintain externally your ongoing connection with her. Grief is so disorienting, and an object like this can help to keep you grounded and oriented in time and space, as the reality of this death sinks in, and your mind gradually wraps around what your heart doesn't want to know.

You might find these articles helpful:

Memory Tokens and Linking Objects

The Power of Remembering: My Grandfather's Pipe

[mfh]

I believe holding on to that ring is perfectly normal. I wear Bill's wedding ring on my left hand with my own wedding ring....it will stay there forever. I wear a piece of jewelry around my neck that he gave me many many years ago...a gold heart with diamonds in it. I have many of my Bill's and mom's treasures in the house as reminders. My mom had two afghans. One is a down afghan and another a small quilt and i use them both when I sit and read depending on the season. It is like being wrapped in my mom's love. I believe we all treasurer items that belonged to those we love who have died. It is comforting.

Peace to you,

Mary