Topz91 Posted January 28, 2014 Report Share Posted January 28, 2014 Hello everyone! I am new to this site and happy I found it. This will probably be long and dragged out but I haven't been able to talk with many people regarding this situation and I just want to get some thoughts out and possibly get some feedback. I will start with how it all started. I was 21. She was 20. We ran into each other at the club. There was instant attraction between the 2 of us but this was no love at 1st site type of deal. To be honest I was just being a "horny 21 year old". We started messaging immediately after the club night. We started hanging out often but as far as dating, this girl wasn't my type. Rocker, tattoos, nose ring(I know I said immediate attraction... She's got a rockin body and beautiful face, she's a model) but as far as dating, wasn't my type. I was always into the "cheerleader" type girl. This all changed after about a month of seeing each other often. One night after having a little get together at my house me and her laid in my bed. Instead of "gettin it on" (this didn't happen until 2 months of actually seeing each other) we talked. About everything. Our past what we want in our future. Our secrets. We laughed so much and it felt great to be able to share whatever I wanted without holding anything back or feeling shy or insecure about it. I was 100% myself and she was also. It was an amazing feeling to be their with her. I fell in love with her that night. Shortly after we made it official we were in a relationship. My friends were very surprised as I Wasn't in a relationship for years and always said they weren't for me.(I've had horrible past relationship experience, cheated on, dumbed for x's, etc) But none of that mattered, I loved this girl and being with her made me happy. The next 6 months were some of the best of my life. My love only grew throughout this time as did hers. We were the couple other couples looked at and were jealous.(not trying to sound big headed but this really happened all the time.) we were always the life of the party. The fun couple to be around who never argued and always made others happy and involved everyone and didn't distance ourselves. All her good friends became mine and all mine became hers, and they all said how perfect we were together.. However we did look odd in public as our styles are complete opposite. But 2 minutes of talking to us and you know that there's a chemistry not many can match. Anyways... Sorry I'm babbling on and haven't even got to the reason I'm posting this. About 4 months after we started dating I had to move back in with my parents, to save money to pay off some school loans. It sucked because they lived about 45 mins away from her. But I still seen her almost every day. I stayed at her place a lot. One day she called and said she wanted me to come stay with her after work. I said okay and laid down for a nap as she worked for a couple more hours. About an hour later I got a phone call from her. Still half asleep I answered and on the other side was her, bawling, screaming, "he's dead he's dead" I could not make out much but I do remember hearing that...she had found her brother, dead. Throughout those 6 months she told me how close these 2 were. He was her best friend. "Her other half" they were practically twins. She told me if anything ever happened to him she would die as it would be to much to bare. So after hearing that over the phone I knew everything was about to change drastically. While on the phone and she cried at what she was seeing I told her to go outside until the ambulance got there (she called 911, her dad, than me) I stayed on the phone until they got there then she had to go. I sat in my room in shock for a few minutes. Then I got in my car and started driving out there. I wasn't going to just show up to the scene as I knew that wasn't my place unless she asked. I decided to stop at a gas station about 10 mins from her house and wait there in case i was needed I wasn't 45 minutes away. Shortly after she sent a text asking me to come over. That she would be home soon. She came home and cried. Got mad. More crying. Stared into space. Nonstop. I was there the whole time. I didn't say anything. Just listened. It was a rough confusing few nights for her, it was sad to see her so confused and lost. About 2 weeks later things started changing. She seemed to be handling herself fine. She's go out and would have fun with our friends. She wanted to be around me pretty much the same as always. There were times she would still get emotional but she still would go out and do things and was pretty much the same person(I read online that something this tragic can change a person completely and it was what I was afraid of) this would go on for months. Some nights she would want to be alone and I understood most of the time (not all the time as this did bring out our 1st argument, only over text. Which I am ashamed of because it was all my fault. We have never actually argued in person still to this day) pretty much we had good/great days or weeks, then a few bad days. Nothing crazy that effected our relationship. I was always there when needed. Did all I could to help her get through the day and put that beautiful smile she had on her face. She once even told me if it wasn't for me, she would be dead. It was scary to hear that but also made me grateful to know how much of an impact me being there was to her...she really means the world to me. Well for 7 months after her brother passed things between "us" were fine, but she was still in a fog, depressed, no drive. All I could do is be there when needed (which was often) and help make her day a little brighter. We had our 1 year anniversary. It was a very special night to the both of us. It was New Year's Eve and she decided to throw a big party at her house. Everything went great, a lot of friend showed up and everyone had a good time including her. The next day(New Years) I spent most of my time in her room watching college football and she stayed In the front room with her "sister". I forgot to mention her brother got a girl pregnant before he passed and she had his baby. This alone is another full story. She calls this girl her sister now as she has had her brothers child, they are close. If I would have known after this day things would change completely I would have been holding her all day. But no, I stayed In her room and watched football then went home as she was going to her moms for the night. The next 2 weeks I only seen her once. She was very short and not herself while texting. She did pick up a 2nd job and started going to the gym as a new year resolution. So I knew we wouldn't see as much of each other but it was good for her. She said having a busy schedule would keep her mind off her brother as much. I support this, but still not seeing her that much and the change in the way she acted got to me. We ended up getting into an argument about it. Nothing big, and again, threw text. I finally got her to come out with some friends, she tried being herself(funny, loving, outgoing) to others she seemed it, but to me, I could see a difference. Another week went by without much communication. I ended up going over to her house and stayed a night. There was definitely something different. She didn't want to cuddle(she always loved to cuddle even months after her brother passed) she didn't say much while I was there. I assumed she just had a long day, working 2 jobs then working out. I tried not to dwell on it to much but It got to me. I text her about it and how distant she was becoming. She responded with a long text insinuating we need "a break" those words tore me up as I have read posts On here and that normally mean. The end. She stated she wanted time to figure herself out and make herself happy instead of relying on me to be happy. It all happened so quickly. I told her I was fine with giving her space and time to do what she had to. She said she wouldn't be able to go a month or anything without seeing me. I told her about these posts I've read and that breaks normally lead to break ups and that being distant for to long could lead to our feelings for one another fading. She told me that wouldn't happen. That she loved me and didn't want anyone else but me. But at this time needed to work on herself. I left her alone for a day but still confused messaged her again about it. Her response this time was completely different. She was acting crazy, cursing saying if I can't handle a break than we will have to break up. I knew I shouldn't have text her but me being a guy. I did. The next day she brought up actually breaking up. Said a relationship was to much on her right now and that it hurts her that this decision hurts me. She said she isn't looking for any other guys, hasn't been cheating, just wants to work on herself. Still confused I had no choice but to stop making it worse and just accept her decision. I told her id give her a few weeks and then see how she feels. She said okay. It's only been 5 days, but 5 days of absolute no contact. We have never gone over a day. I talked to her mom (via message over Facebook) and told her I was going to keep my distance as she asked, and that if she ever felt she wanted to talk to me she could(she thinks I hate her for this) i told her Mom I don't hate her and I'm not mad at her. She sent a very long message back about how much she appreciated all I've done for her daughter and in detail described the pain the 2 of them were going through. She has a very good way with words. She told me she thought me and her daughter were meant for each other, just not right now. She said it could be only weeks or even months before things change. So now I'm stuck with a decision... Either delete everything about this girl out of my life and move on. Which seems to be the feedback for most of these posts. Or give her her space and continue on with my life, stay in contact her and there until she eventually wants to work on a stable relationship again. If she ever even does. Both options suck. I've done the delete from life thing now twice and it is a lot easier than sticking around. But the thought of no future with this girl is devastating. I'd wait a year without seeing her if it meant we'd be together in the future. I don't want to wait for nothing. But I don't want to give up on her. As of now my plan is to wait a few weeks (2-3) then send a simple hello, how are you. Just to show i still care and don't want to be completely out of her life. I don't plan on bringing up any "what about us" type conversation or "can I see you". I'll let that hold off till she is ready to. If this goes on for months I'll eventually just move on. But I'm not giving up right away. I know almost all these stories after the "break" it's over for good. I don't think mine will follow in this trend. I will keep anyone interested updated. I probably left so much out and sorry if grammar isn't to great as I'm typing fast on an iPhone. If there's any advice or questions feel free to ask. I could use it. Thanks for reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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