I Lost My Father 2 Weeks Ago From A Ruptured Brain Aneurysm

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[mfh]

Dear Kirbiboh, I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear father and best friend. He was young and you are young. I am just so sorry. The fact that you were there with him was difficult but in your wisdom you got 911 for him...and got the help he needed in spite of the fact that he did not recover.

You said you have posted on other grief sites but nothing changed. Grief does not change quickly. Right now you are still raw from all that you have been through and probably somewhat in a fog or in disbelief that this is even real. Most of us go through those feelings early on. I urge you to consider the following:

Since you are alone, I would suggest you check out the local grief groups and when the leader suggests you are ready for that, join one so you can share face to face with people who are also grieving and get some support. Consider individual grief counseling...perhaps call your local Hospice to see what individual and/or group services are available.

Don't expect big changes in your pain and grief to happen quickly. This is a journey unique to each person and it takes time and work...ie educating yourself, sharing with others, and perhaps journaling your feelings as you work through this. I do think that reading posts here will provide you with information from those who are dealing with significant losses. You might read in the loss of a parent forum but also in spousal loss since you lived with your father and he was your only friend. That has a lot in common with someone losing a spouse. Please hear me as I intend that suggestion. When we spend so much time with a person and that person is our best friend, the loss affects more of our lives. Do read posts. And you might go to Marty's website www.griefhealing.com and read some of her articles on loss. When I lost Bill, my husband, almost 4 years ago, even though I have been doing therapy with clients for years, I needed to educate myself about grief...i.e. learn more than I knew. I also saw a grief counselor and joined a group. We can all benefit from these opportunities.

Coming to this site is also a good choice as you will find caring people who understand loss and grief. Again I am so sorry for your loss. Do take care of yourself even when you don't want to...eat well, get outside. Do you have a job that you go to? Friends? Any support from anyone? You said your Dad was your only friend, so I assume that when you say you are alone, you really have no one to turn to. Come here and do consider some of my suggestions.

Peace

Mary

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[kayc]

I am so sorry for your deep loss, but so glad for you that you had this wonderful dad in your life. All you can do is aspire to be like him...and not smoke. I'm sure if he could say something now, that is what he'd tell you. What a heritage! To have a dad that is your best friend! You can take consolation that your dad didn't have to stay here and suffer, even while you are missing him and wish more than anything that he was back...the two really are not at odds with each other, but rather coexist as both very valid feelings.

You can be here for your mom too, but it would be good to eventually start planning something for YOU, because kids usually do outlast their parents, and they would want to know you're self-sufficient and okay when they're gone. Is there a family member that could hire you in their business or recommend you at a job so you could start your foot in the door, so to speak? If not, you might want to talk to a guidance councilor at a local college. A lot of time grants will cover attending and the costs.

Have you never had friends your age? Do you live in the city or in a rural setting?

My heart goes out to you not only in your loss, but in the whole situation. It helps to talk about your grief, so coming here, seeing a grief counselor, or joining a support group, can be a real help in our grief journey.

[mfh]

Dear Kirbiboh,

You are quite welcome. We believe that people in a coma do hear what others are saying. No one knows for sure, of course, but I tend to believe they do. I do not think I am alone in believing that he heard you no matter what. I am sorry your mom is ill and that you fear losing her also. Can the two of you talk about your loss? It would help both of you.

Right now it seems appropriate that you focus on getting some assistance in the form of a grief counselor. Your mom may also want some counseling. I hear your fear of a group but talking one on one to a counselor would remove that fear and be appropriate this close to your loss. At some point down the road, you will need to seriously consider a job or school or something that will help you to become self sufficient but right now you need to get someone to talk to. I would move that to the top of your list. Check to see if there is a Hospice nearby....google it with your town's name or a near by town. Do keep returning here. People will support you.

Mary

[Guest]

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[Guest]

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[mfh]

"Maybe I really do need a counselor, nothing else seems to be working at the moment.... "

I do believe you are right. No one can walk this path alone...we all need others to help us. Do make a call or two tomorrow and see what you can set up.