kayc Posted March 5, 2014 Report Share Posted March 5, 2014 It does compound with the previous losses, it's a reminder and it brings it all up. If you feel like doing something, why don't you consider giving it a week and see how you feel about it then? That way it won't be so impulsive and less chance of regrets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted March 5, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2014 That is excellent advice, giving it time has worked in the past. Thanks Kay. Good night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted March 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 I feel mildly better today… took a sleeping pill so I slept soundly and for a long time. My head feels more clear today and I feel less panicked. I dragged myself to the gym and worked out for over an hour. That certainly helped. Even though my heart is broken, it is getting stronger from all the cardio! I do believe I had an epiphany last night about the accumulation of grief. I think this abandonment has stirred up a bunch of other outstanding grief issues, and well, I guess they have just piled on top of each other. I don't know how you have managed Kay, with all the loss you have experienced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 6, 2014 Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 Don't try to find something you did wrong in all this...you didn't. You were great to Sam, but he has his own problems dealing with it and that you can't control. My losses were strung out...the hardest was losing my husband, and then when I remarried to someone that wasn't in it for the right reasons and he ruined me financially, that just about did me in. I lost my job three times since I lost my husband, that didn't help. Then I found someone I thought I could spend the rest of my life with and he broke up with me when he lost his mom. I just feel enough is enough, no more losses! But alas life keeps spinning the way it sees fit, I've been hit with other things. I guess this just is how life is, it's up to us to make the best of it and look for whatever good we can find in it, no matter how small. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted March 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 Goodness Kay! I just can't imagine… losses being strung out or not, it is all just too much for one person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 6, 2014 Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 If it's been a few months since you've had contact with him, I don't see how it would hurt to send a lighthearted message (no relationship talk, no questioning his decision), it could open the door if he sees you "aren't trying to get him back or put pressure on him", esp. if he sees you as whole and content with life. Any resulting response would probably be as hesitant friendship where you'd have to tread lightly and accept his crumbs, but it's important not to scare him off in this stage and bide your time. It probably will not result in your getting back together, that's rare but could be a possibility, not a likely one so don't stake your hopes on it. A day at a time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted March 6, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2014 It has been just over three months since we broke up. I have no hope for a romantic reunion… those days are gone. It just seems strange to never speak to someone that meant so much and that I shared so much with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 7, 2014 Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 That sounds like a good plan! Put you first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted March 7, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 7, 2014 Thanks Kay, I am trying! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted March 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2014 Hello, I just wanted to touch base… I have been really struggling about getting in touch with Sam, I came very close to emailing him yesterday, I had it written and was just about to hit send, but I stopped myself. I wanted to get in touch to rid myself of any last regrets and to let him know that the door is open should he choose to get in touch, but ultimately I think it would be a setback for me and then I would be waiting and waiting for a response and that would not be good for me. I am going to try and stick to this decision so I can keep moving on. I have to believe that if he ever does want to get in touch, he will be able to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 14, 2014 Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 You are right, he knows where to reach you. You are very smart and I'm glad you are listening to your own instincts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted March 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2014 Thanks so much Kay, your words are most helpful and they do give me strength! I was worried that Sam might not know how much I care because of our last exchange, but I realize that all my actions in the weeks leading up to our actual break-up should speak volumes about how much I did/do care and if the day ever comes that he considers getting in touch, I hope he will remember my efforts and know that he can always talk to me. It is all out of my hands now. I surrender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 16, 2014 Report Share Posted March 16, 2014 I hope you're doing better with each passing day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted March 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2014 Thanks so much Kay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted April 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2014 Hi there, I wanted to touch base and give you a little update…It has been almost 6 months since this all started, 4 months since we broke up and there has not been any contact between us. I am happy to report though that I am doing much better. The anxiety and severe sadness has subsided, I still think of him everyday, but thankfully the pain has lessened considerably. I know everyone says it… time heals, when I look back at what has happened over these past months I can't imagine having to go through it again! I have learned a great deal and the lessons continue to be revealed to me, although it is still too soon for me to think the lessons were worth having to go through something so difficult, but I am guessing in time that will change. Kay… your support was such a gift, there were some very dark days during this journey, and your words helped more than you could possibly know. I thank you very much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 8, 2014 Report Share Posted April 8, 2014 hyacinth, I am so glad...I know for me the first five months after Jim broke up with me were the most painful. That's not to say I never cried again or didn't have nagging questions and confusion, but the worst part was behind me at least. He broke up with me in August and getting through the holidays was really tough, after that it began to subside. I wish you the best and hope you will check in once in a while and let us know how you are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyacinth Posted April 8, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2014 I certainly will Kay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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