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Heartbrokenfox

Bottomless Pit Of Unexpected Devastating Losses

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I don't know where to begin. I am 42 with two daughters age 13 and 16. I used to be a nurse but medical problems have rendered me blind and on permanent disability. My husband of 20 years left me for our neighbor after my health declined in 2008. It was the Friday before Father's Day weekend in 2008 when my husband told me he would be home for dinner at 6:30pm he never came home. Fortunately he was alive and surfaced on Father's day. He never moved back home. After my husband (the girls father) left the family the girls and I focused all of our attention on our relationship with each other and our relationships with our pets. Fast forward to November 2013, our one and a half year old cat Tig started losing weight. I took him to a vet but only had enough money to run blood work. The results revealed severe liver damage. Within a week of the vet visit he stopped eating altogether. He laid next to me in bed and passed. I felt that I didn't do enough to try and save him. I was strapped financially. Two weeks after Christmas my 13 year old's ferret Bentley ingested something that blocked his intestines. Again, I had no money and I was in need of a vet who took care of exotic pets. I counted my pennies and made an appointment but Bentley was so uncomfortable from the blockage that he too passed while I watched over him next to me on my bed a day before the vet appointment. Last Friday our one year old fluffy grey and white kitten April jumped in the dryer while my back was turned taking a large grey blanket out of the washer and put it in the dryer. I accidentally killed her. I didn't double check the dryer because I did not even realize that she was in the laundry room with me. Our pets bring my family the unconditional love that we need and I just cannot understand why we have to endure these losses. I feel so guilty for not checking the dryer. I don't know if I will ever come to terms with the loss of April especially since it was something that could have been preventable. Writing this out makes me look like a horrible pet owner. I also feel guilty that I didn't have enough money to try and save the other pets. I am lost. I am still in shock and the tears are unending. How do you come to terms with knowing that the family members that cannot speak but show so much love and comfort suffered so much and left us long before they should have.

heartbrokenfox

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I am so sorry...that is a lot of losses. I, too, have suffered multiple losses and know how hard it is. I guess you just have to focus on the good life that they had with you, rather than the end that came. We don't have a guarantee of a certain amount of time with them, we know that it's likely we'll survive our pets...we probably wouldn't want it the other way around because we wouldn't want them left alone and scared and no one to take care of them. I know that's of small consolation when your heart is broken and you're missing them. It's just tough.

You and your girls have so much love to give, I don't know if you'd want to consider getting another pet on down the road, but it's a consideration. I did and it was the best decision I ever made. You see, I lost my husband, George June 19, 2005 (Father's Day) when he had a heart attack. Two months later, his kitten, Tigger, decided to leave me. It's like he gave George enough time to come back and when he realized he wasn't, he took a long look at me, left, and never came back. I adopted Chappy (another cat), and had him about a year, and a cougar got him. My old cat, king George, died a year after my husband did. I remarried and he turned out to be a con. He broke my heart and ruined me financially. The week I realized that was over, my dog, Lucky, died. So many losses... A few months later, I adopted my dog, Arlie. He is my constant companion, he will not cheat on me, ruin me, lie to me. He gives me joy and love and entertainment. It has been the best move of my life. Along the way, I adopted two other cats that had been abandoned, so Miss Mocha and Kitty joined my family. It is truly all that keeps me sane. You may not feel like it this week...but perhaps in a few months you might consider it.

I lost a dog once that jumped into my van unbeknownst to me, and I'd driven it to work (windows up) in August, it was very hot...I discovered him when I got off work. He was dying right outside my office window and I had no idea, I couldn't hear any cries for help over the sounds of the mill I worked at. It was very hard. It's easy to beat yourself up over it, but the truth is, we do our best for our animals and unfortunately, it's hard to know and foresee everything. They would be the first to forgive us though.

I do believe we will be joined together with our loved ones, animals included, someday. This hope keeps me going.

I'm so sorry, I wish I could say something to console you but I know that words are not sufficient.

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Dear heartbrokenfox,

I am so very sorry for all your losses. I am glad that you are talking about them. My heart just goes out to you and your daughters. I cannot begin to understand the pain you must be going through because of the selfishness of the girls father. It sounds like you have a heart of gold and did all you could for Tig and Bentley and you just can't blame yourself for April's death. You did nothing, nothing at all to cause its jumping in the dryer. I send you hugs.

Anne

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I am so sorry for your losses. None of this was your fault. I happen to have a very good friend whose cat leapt into her dryer without my friend knowing it. She put clothes in without looking like we all do and the cat died. She, too, felt guilt and sadness. This was many years ago but she also came to a place of peace because it was an accident. We are ONLY guilty of something if we INTEND to do harm....not if harm happens by accident. I understand the guilt we all tend to feel when someone dies and we blame ourselves. I did the same when Bill died feeling I was not a perfect caregiver but the fact is I am not guilty nor are you. Be peaceful as soon as you can.

Mary

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