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Story Of Kitty


Radtrisha

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We lost our beautiful girl yesterday. I can barely function I am so sad.

She showed up in our driveway almost 5 years ago to this day. My husband was allergic to cats so she lived on our porch, then he magically discovered his cat allergies had disappeared. We fattened her up but brought her to the vet because she had horrible breath, well that lead to taking all her teeth out. She had many happy and plump years with us.

The bond between her and I was the strongest I have ever had with an animal. She followed me around the house, comes when called, and was constantly glued to my lap. I would take her outside to eat grass and drink out of the birdbath... she never went far and always came back to me every few minutes to brush against me. If the garage door opened but I didn't come in, she would pace around all the doors trying to figure out where I was just so she could greet me. She was my little shadow, and my little friend.

This was one of the hardest paragraphs I've ever had to write because I kept wanting to write it in present tense, when in fact, she is not here.

When we got towards the end she just stopped eating. We had tons of tests done, Xrays, and still the vets were stumped. As soon as the snow started melting, my husband and I dug out an area so she could eat grass one last time. Eventually she could barely hold her self up and we knew it was almost time.

I had to leave to sing in my band 4 hours away from home, and was a basket case all the way up. When we got home we found her passed on, in the same place I usually sit with her, looking at the door. She never sleeps there unless she is on my lap, and she chose this as her place to pass on. My husband says maybe that is her way of saying "thank you"...

I feel guilty I wasn't home when it happened, but at the same time, maybe being away gave her the privacy and peace to move on (which I heard is what many animals instincts are). At least I keep telling myself that to feel better.

Now comes the long journey. My husband and I have been crying every 20 minutes, and I am just so angry we had to get her so late in her life because we love her so much, she was our child.

I know I need help, so I figured the first step would be to come here and share my story full to people who would understand. Thanks for listening...

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I am so sorry to hear your story. I have a cat named Kitty, too, and she is 18 1/2, and I got her when she was ten. I understand your feelings, and I'm sorry you couldn't be there when she passed, but you're right, they do like to expire in private. I'm sure she was so glad that she found you and had you for her family, because you loved her and took good care of her.

I know there's nothing I can say that will make you feel better, it's just so hard losing our animals, but I want you to know that I care and understand.

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Your story of your beautiful girl touches my heart, my dear, and I am so very sorry for your loss. You have indeed taken a good first step by coming to this warm and caring place, as we are all animal lovers here, and we understand completely how very much it hurts when our companions leave us like this. We know your hearts are broken.

Right now the best thing you and your husband can do is to talk about your kitty with each other. Sharing those precious memories is what will keep your kitty alive in your hearts, and you'll soon come to see that the love you shared with her will never die.

You might think about whatever you could do to memorialize her. Do some reading about what is normal in pet loss, so you'll feel less "crazy" and alone. Begin by browsing through the posts in this forum, and follow some of the links you'll find here: Pet Loss Articles.

Please know that we are thinking of you, sharing in your sorrow, and holding you close in our hearts.

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I read your most touching post about the loss of your dear kitty. I am so sorry. What a very special bond she had with you both. I don't have words to comfort you but I want you to know that I so understand when someone looses a precious pet. This is a place indeed that understands the love we have for our animals.

There is a that you might find comforting.

Anne

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I am so very sorry about your baby kitty. What is her name? Your life with her and how connected the two of you were (and are) is so inspiring. You have truly come to the right place...lots of animal lovers here who understand pet loss. You said you need help and this is a great place to get support from caring people. Perhaps sharing your pain and tears, stories about your kitty and other plans you might have to memorialize her...will help to heal a bit. We are here for you.

Mary

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Thank you everyone for the kindness and words of encouragement. We already starting going through the (hundreds) of pictures and videos we have of her on our phones, in the process realized we are in fact crazy cat people... Humor seems to be the best medicine for us at this point (and a few shots of tequila).

Mary: her actual name is Kitty. Being a stray we took in, we called her lots of things to see if any took, but she always acknowledged "kitty", so that's what it is. I attached a couple pictures because she really was beautiful.

I also downloaded one of the courses on pet loss, and should get the first lesson tomorrow. Trying to be as proactive as possible, because this is one of the worst experiences with sadness I have ever had... Thank you everyone.

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Kitty is magnificent...so cute and expressive. The one on the top left is my favorite. Glad you are being proactive. As you are crazy cat people, I am a crazy dog person as was my husband.

Peace

Mary

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What a beautiful sweet Kitty, no wonder you miss her!

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Well, on another note, knowing what happened, a friend forwarded me a kitty in need that needs a home. Looking at the situation I know we would be perfect for her sake. I am not ready though.

Is it healthy to even be considering these types of options at this point? There will never be a replacement for our girl, and we are fully aware of that... but if there is an animal I know we could help, is it selfish to not want to have anything to do with it right now? So confused...

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I believe whatever decision you make is just fine. It is NOT selfish to not want anything to do with that cat right now. You are grieving the loss of your furbaby. It is also fine if you decide to give the cat a home. Only you know that answer. I doubt your grief for Kitty would stop by bringing another cat into the house but you may choose not to take that cat or any cat for along while.

I know this is a non-answer but the bottom line is...whatever you decide is right for you...well, that is right for you. If you had two cats right now, you would still have one and still grieve the loss of Kitty. You obviously care about cats that need a home and that is what matters. Sit quietly with it, talk to each other and sleep on it a day or more if you can. There are lots of cats that need homes. A good friend of mine runs a non-profit cat rescue and she is always looking for homes (foster and permanent) for cats. If you opt not to take this cat, perhaps you can help whoever has it find a home for it or foster it to give you time to think. Just my thoughts.

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Dear one, I am in complete agreement with everything Mary has said. If we move too soon to "replace" a beloved animal companion who has died with another pet, or before we are emotionally ready to open our hearts to another animal in need of our love, we can feel a sense of intense disloyalty and betrayal toward the animal who has died, and we succeed only in adding a layer of guilt on top of the grief we're already feeling. It's also not at all fair to the new animal, who deserves to be wanted and loved for itself. (Parents sometimes do this to their children because they hate to see a child suffering grief when a family pet dies ~ so they rush out to find another pet for the child. This may work well in some families, but it can also give children the impression that the pet was simply an object not loved and appreciated for itself and way too easily replaced. Some kids will even wonder if something happened to them, would their parents find it that easy to replace them, as well? It can be an awful example to set for a child.) The key for you is in your statement that you feel selfish and confused. That tells me that you are not ready to give your heart to another animal right now, and that is OKAY! The one thing you will discover about grief is that it changes. You will not always feel exactly the way you feel right now. If you ever feel the need to bring another kitty into your life, you will know it, you will feel it, and you will be driven to do it. Give yourself the time you need to experience and finish with the grief you are feeling now. That is a measure of your love for Kitty, and that is worthy of a period of mourning, however long that may take.

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Well, on another note, knowing what happened, a friend forwarded me a kitty in need that needs a home. Looking at the situation I know we would be perfect for her sake. I am not ready though.

Is it healthy to even be considering these types of options at this point? There will never be a replacement for our girl, and we are fully aware of that... but if there is an animal I know we could help, is it selfish to not want to have anything to do with it right now? So confused...

Nobody can tell you what to do in this situation but on the plus side, you will know when you're ready. I wasn't ready to adopt another dog after losing my pretty girl until I was, and the realization was as clear as a bell when it came. This is how it happened for me...

http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/index.php?/topic/7820-annie-1-and-annie-2/page-2?hl=testament#entry71916

There was no doubt whatsoever in my mind that getting another dog was what I needed to do, even though I was sure I wasn't ready just a short time before.

Do what you know in your heart you have to do. Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision for you, and that's all that matters.

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Your friend may have meant well, but only you can decide if you are able to give the new kitten a home. One animal never replaces another one, but rather they make a new place in our heart for them. When I got my last dog, I waited a few months after my previous one to get him and when I saw his picture in the paper, I knew instantly that he was the one for me and it's borne out...we are perfect for each other. When my granddoggy Skye passed a few months ago, my son and DIL got a new dog, but not right away. He certainly doesn't replace Skye, no one could ever do that, he was unique and special, but Bruno entered the family to carve out a new niche all his own.

I agree with what was said here, that to keep the kitten, feeling as you do, wouldn't be fair to it, it deserves to be in a home where it's welcome and wanted. I'm sorry you have been put into the added stress of having to make a decision about it in addition to all you were already going through.

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Good morning...

So we are a few days into this, and I am definitely experiencing waves of sadness.

However, I lost it yesterday when it was garbage day, and my husband asked if he could throw away her litter box. I asked if we could keep it one more week. We also leave her water fountain running to counteract the silence. There is also a large tupperware container I covered with a blanket I placed at the foot of our bed to help her get up and down when she was sick, that I dont have the heart to move. I still cant bring myself to remove the items, yet it pains me to even acknowledge theyre there. It's so conflicting...

Do you guys have any advice for what to do with their items after they have passed on?

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When, and only when, you are ready...no matter how long...you might sort her things and keep some mementos. I still have our last dog's collar, emails I got from friends when he died, a toy he liked. They are in a cedar chest but I have them. I also have his ashes as we were a week from leaving for a 2 year RV trip when he died. I plan to put those up at Bill's grave this spring when the ground thaws and I can dig a hole.

I am sharing this because this is what worked for us. You have to decide what works for you. There will come a time when it is time to make a change. I gave the rest of Buffy's toys, food, etc. to a nearby shelter as they are always looking for toys and bowls etc. But they traveled with us on the road until we settled permanently.

Be kind to yourself. There are no rules and you get to do whatever works for you.

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As Mary said, you must do whatever works for you ~ and if you don't know yet what that is, wait until you do. When my precious cockapoo Muffin died suddenly and unexpectedly many years ago, I didn't know enough about keepsakes, but I did have sense enough to keep his collar and tags and put them on a stuffed dog that resembled him. It still sits in my bookcase today. When my beloved Beringer died two years ago, I was better prepared because I knew that he wouldn't be with me forever. I began collecting keepsakes when he was just a puppy, so I'd have something to remember him by when it was time for him to leave us. I have baggies filled with his hair; several of his baby teeth; his grooming tools that I used on him every night ~ silly stuff, but those objects mean the world to me now. I gave two of his favorite toys to my granddaughter for her two dogs to enjoy, and another of his favorite pull toys to a very special friend for her beloved dog whom I consider to be my canine nephew. Call me a crazy old lady ~ I really do not care. I didn't do this for anyone else ~ I did it for me because it helps to ease the pain of losing him. And my Beringer's darling face still sits upon my computer screen so I can look at him dozens of times a day. Just give yourself time, and if you're not sure about what to do with any of Kitty's things, either leave them where they are for now, or gather them and put them away some place in your home until you decide if you can live without them. As with anything else in grief, there is no right or wrong way to do this ~ there is only your way, and you must discover that for yourself. And trust me, as time goes on, you will

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My checks have Arlie and Skye's pictures on them and I have enough to last the rest of my life. Marty, I like your idea of keeping the collar and tags on a stuffed dog.

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Do you guys have any advice for what to do with their items after they have passed on?

Kylie liked to lay on the couch but was having a hard time jumping up so I took the cushions off and stacked them in the corner. It was about six months after I lost her that I could bring myself to put them back (well, actually I didn't do it on my own- my vet was here to see my other dog and did it for me at my request). Kylie's collar is still on the table where I set it down after saying goodbye to her over a year ago.

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do. You just have to do what's right for you.

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I have my Benji's collar and tags next to my Jim's ashes in the den. He would have loved Benji. I can't bring myself to part with his dishes, beds or some toys he really liked (very few that he did not rip apart and pull all the stuffing out of them and then bring them to me as if i could fix them)!

I think we will do what we want with their things if and when the time comes. Benji's brushes are still in a basket out on the patio. I still have a few dish towels that he chewed on when i first adopted him. I can smile now when i think of how hard it must have been for him to adjust to a new home. Just yesterday I found one of his tennis balls under one of the oleander bushes when I was tending to some weeds that popped out of the rocks! Even though I had Benji for only a year I loved him and there is a deep void. Time is not a factor when it comes to love. I know that he knew I loved him. It is hard to talk about him but at the same time i want to because just as I don't want anyone to forget my Jim, I don't want anyone to forget my Benji.

You will know what to do when the time comes. I still have things of my Jim that will no doubt be with me forever. I am in no hurry to clear my home of Benji memories just as I will always have things of my Jim's around.

Anne

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My husband and I went to visit some shelters today just to get some interaction, and amazingly it helped us feel a lot better. We were hanging out and playing with all kinds of kitties, and it was so much fun. We are still very sad as it is about a week, but this was great medicine for us. I may start doing some volunteering as well.

We probably won't be ready to take another animal in for a while, but it is still a great distraction... As was Zumba with my friends.

I love my girl, and I know she loved us back tenfold. I'm trying to keep that thought in my head as a positive. It's still so hard to come home to an empty house, but I am very happy with how far I've come along in the past week.

We will be picking up her ashes soon. I will most likely turn into a crying mess again as we create her memorial, but at least I have found some coping tools in the meantime. Thank you all again for your kindness.

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Just today, in the parking lot of our village grocery store, a couple pulled in as I was leaving my car (with Bentley, my Golden Retriever) in the back seat. His head was sticking out the window watching these people, one of them holding a baby about 10 months old. The woman petted Bentley as did the man and they both wiped away tears. I asked about their pain and they had just put their Retriever down a few weeks ago. Their pain was palpable, so so palpable. I actually did think of you when that happened as I know the pain of losing a beloved pet and I know a bit of your pain. This couple thanked me for letting me pet Bentley and for letting their baby stick his fingers in Bentley's ears and nose and mouth :) They needed a "dog fix" just as you need a cat fix and time around kitties. What a wise move you made...to expose yourself but to recognize you need time to grieve before bringing a kitty into your home. Wise people you are. Though if you brought one in tomorrow...it would be because you looked hard first.

When you get those ashes...weep. Those tears heal. And soon I will be burying my Golden's ashes, the one who died in 2000. I will bury them in Bill's grave and yes, 14 years later...I too will weep.

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Mary, what a sweet thing to do, Bentley is such a wonderful dog, so gentle!

RadTrisha, That is a wonderful idea...perhaps someday when the time is right, there will be another that will strike your heart. It will not be the same, but they have a way of burrowing into our hearts, they have such patience and perseverance at doing so! It's amazing how pets can melt our hearts.

I wish you well with your memorial. I know it will be an emotional time, getting the ashes back. I would love to bury my dog in the back yard when his time comes, but he's 123 lbs and it'd take renting equipment to get a hole big enough, so I'll probably have him cremated and spread the ashes with my late husband's. Take your time with that, it took me two years to spread my husband's ashes, and some still haven't, it's up to you when/what to do.

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Mary I am sure the family is incredibly thankful they got to meet you and Bentley! My husband and I called goldens "angel dogs", because they are. We have neices who go to Sandy Hook elementary, they brought in a golden puppy "therapy dog in training" who just brightened their day!

I am not sure when we will pick up the ashes, but I saw my three neices today, and the oldest (9) asked "what are you going to do with kitty?" I told her we have her placed in a pretty box with lots of pictures "Can I hug the box? I never got to give her hugs when she was alive... And she can't scratch me now" (kitty didn't like kids) I just laughed and said yes. Although I did cry about it on the way home.

On our visit to the shelter yesterday we did meet a great kitty we really did like, completely different from kitty, but incredibly gentle and lovable. She is being nursed back from being frozen to the ground, so she has a way to go before she can be homed. The rescue group is going to keep an eye on her progression, and we are going to visit again in a few weeks. It gives us something to look forward to.

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That is poignant (niece). :) did you express interest to the shelter in the kitty and leave them your number? Poor little thing! So many are abandoned and on their own when they shouldn't be. :( A lady across the street from me did a cat rescue, had 24 cats. I can't imagine having that many at once!

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