sroles83 Posted April 6, 2014 Report Share Posted April 6, 2014 Our Duke had just turned 1 year old two weeks prior to the accident..I made him a birthday cake, wrapped presents for him and videotaped him opening them..during the two weeks after his birthday, 1,he had a sore foot, (which he made well known by putting it in our faces all the time, we felt so bad for him and wanted to take away his pain), 2, we had brought him to the vet to get neutered because we were always so afraid he'd run off..He was so strong-willed, like a child to us, and our best friend..That fateful day, I took him out swimming, I felt so bad that he had been cooped up in the house for almost two weeks straight, and I just wanted to take him out and let him swim and get rid of some of his energy..I always worried something bad would happen since this swimming hole was right next to a highway, but he loved it there..He swimmed for maybe a couple minutes and then took off running down the road. I seen a truck coming, so I called him to me and he came..I had him by the collar and said "good boy", as the truck drove by..The truck went by so I let his collar go, never thinking he would still go after it..but, he did......he went down the road after this truck at what seemed like was 100mph..I screamed at him to come, but he didn't listen. I jumped in my car quickly to chase after him, blaring my horn, praying the whole time that there would be no oncoming traffic! I finally caught up to him, about the same time I seen a red pickup truck approaching, Duke was standing on the side of the road preparing to lunge at and catch this pickup that he saw approaching him..( many times when he was riding in the vehicles with us he would see a car approaching and lunge at the window, but we didn't think anything of it at the time....we didn't know that this behavior would eventually lead to his death)...He lunged towards this pickup and was struck by it..my heart immediately sank..i thought " THIS IS NOT HAPPENING".."THIS CANT BE HAPPENING"!!! I seen him get hit by this truck, it happened so fast. I remember him standing on his hind legs and then falling over onto the highway.. I got out of my car, calling out his name, saying "oh no,oh no"..I think he was still breathing when i got to him, but i'm not sure..I scooped him up in my arms, i clearly remember the smell of him, and i knew he was gone at that point. the red pickup truck never stopped or even slowed down after hitting him.. after hitting my beloved friend, how could someone be so HEARTLESS..i carried my beloved friend to my car and drove to the nearest vet clinic, hoping that when i got him there that there would be something they could do to save him..The whole car ride to the vet clinic i was rubbing his back, saying "duke, wake up, PLEASE WAKE UP"..i arrived at the vet clininc stating my dog had been hit by a truck, so they called the vet to come there..the vet told me duke was gone..they carried him from the car to the clinic while i was on the phone with my husband...i went into the clinic and seen duke laying on a blanket on the cold hard floor..the vet and the technicians tried to comfort me.. they gave me some time alone with duke..i was on my knees crying, telling him how sorry i was as i took his collar off..i kissed him on the cheek and said goodbye... a few days later we picked him up to bury him, it was so horrible seeing them carry his body to my car in a black plastic bag. he didn't deserve this! he did nothing but love us! Why did i take him out that day!? I should've kept him safe at home! I'm sorry my dear friend. I will never forgive myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 6, 2014 Report Share Posted April 6, 2014 That is so hard. I am so sorry for you! I know the pain, I've lost many beloved pets over the years. What that driver did was not only heartless, but illegal and we can only hope the memory haunts him. I wish I could say something to comfort you, but I know there is nothing outside of bringing him back. It's helped me to have a ceremony of a sort, when I bury the dog, maybe something memorializing him, something commemorating where his grave is. Don't be afraid to talk to him, who knows but what their spirit can hear us. I do believe we'll be together again, I can't imagine a heaven without our beloved pets. One of the things I've done is create a folder on my computer of my past and present animals that I have come up as my desktop background, and set it to "shuffle" them every 12 hours. Every day it surprises me with a different one, and if it's one from my past, it gives me a chance to remember how special they were and see their beautiful face again. It might feel a little soon for that, but perhaps when you feel able. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted April 6, 2014 Report Share Posted April 6, 2014 Oh, this is just so sad. I am sorry that you no longer have your Duke there present with you the way you would want him to be. I hear the love you have for him. I wish I had words to comfort you but I know words don't really comfort us when we have lost a precious member of our families. The loss of my Benji (a Shipperke/Poodle) in January is still too raw for me to say anything that may help you during this time. Just know that I feel your deep pain and I so wish you were not going through this tragedy. Kay has some great suggestions and others will also when they read your story. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted April 6, 2014 Report Share Posted April 6, 2014 I am so sorry about your loss of Duke. You went from a great celebration to his death within two weeks. I can tell by all you said, including the way you celebrated his birthday, just how much he means and meant to you. I am so sorry. I know it is traumatic and shocking not only to lose him but to watch it happen. You are surrounded here by pet lovers and many of us have lost our pets and understand. Here is a link to some articles on pet loss. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/02/common-myths-and-misconceptions-about.html As you read these be aware of not only the main article but the ones listed beneath that. Please do come back and share your pain here with us...we are here for you. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balto Posted April 13, 2014 Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 I'm so sorry for your loss and that it had to happen that way. It's so hard to lose a pet and then to always have to say "what if" just makes it so much worse, but I feel like we all probably do that. Please don't carry the grief alone for his passing, things happen sometimes and that's all there it to it. I am so angry that the driver of the red truck didn't have the decency to stop and at least apologize. I wouldn't have blamed him for the accident, he probably couldn't have stopped, but it was his obligation as a decent human being to stop and tell you he was sorry. Years ago I had a dog who was on the opposite side of the road as me after being missing for several days and I was so glad to see her I called to her and she immediately ran into the road just as I looked and saw a car coming. It was over in seconds but the driver stopped and was very apologetic. It doesn't cost anything to be a good person but sadly too many don't care. Try to remember all the good times with Duke and maybe you could put up signs or something around your neighborhood urging drivers to watch out for pets, that might make you feel like something good came out of such a tragedy. In the end we all deal with grief in our own way, and I hope that you find a way that makes it tolerable for you. God bless you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 I want to thank you all for your thoughtfulness and kind words, they mean so much to me, and it really does help to talk to others who know what I am going through.. i am truly sorry for the loss of your beloved pets as well, there are no words I can say to take the pain away..Duke was like our child and our best friend. he was there for us when we went through our 2nd miscarriage. I truly believe he helped us through that..i was 8 1/2 months pregnant at the time I witnessed him being stuck and killed by this pickup. I probably shouldn't have carried him to my car that day considering the state I was in, but i loved him so much that i wanted to do everything i could for him. my doctor sent me to see a psychiatrist because i was so depressed after his death. I am very thankful that my pregnancy continued to go smoothly after all this happened..we have a beautiful, 5 month old baby girl now..sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me because i still cry over him even though we have a beautiful baby?..he stayed up with me all those sleepless nights while i was pregnant.. i cry when i drive by the clinic i brought him to that day. i cry when i hear a song on the radio i used to sing to him. i dont know if i can ever get over losing him. will i ever get over losing him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 I called the breeder we got duke from the following day after he passed away, asking if he had a new litter of puppies. it just so happened he did..we brought Sadie home a couple days later..she has the same parents as duke, so we have his little sister with us now.. she helped us through duke's death and we love her dearly..but, we still miss him so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted April 17, 2014 Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 My dear, you ask if you will ever "get over" losing your beloved Duke. I don't think we ever "get over" losing someone we love dearly. When you really think about it, why would you want to "get over" this? Consider this: What you may want to "get over" (and I would say, instead, let go of) is all the guilt and anger associated with this horrible accidental death, but you need not "get over" the love you shared with this precious creature. Love never dies, and this love will live in your heart just as long as you keep your good memories of Duke tucked safely there. It's good to know that you've opened your heart to another puppy (Duke's sister Sadie) and of course she will never "replace" your Duke ~ but in time you will come to love her for herself. We humans have an infinite capacity for love, and clearly your heart is big enough to make room for another dog. I want to share with you the content of an earlier post I wrote in response to another pet parent, which contains links I hope you will follow. Guilt is not at all uncommon in circumstances like yours, and if you spend any time at all reading some of the threads in this forum, I think you'll see what I mean: I pray that with time and effort you'll find a way to forgive yourself, because of course you did nothing wrong, and you did do everything in your power to do everything right. Still, guilt is a feeling, and no matter how rational we may be, we cannot control how we feel. So go ahead and feel guilty ~ I won't try to talk you out of it ~ but know also that just because you are feeling guilty, it does not mean that you are, in fact, guilty as charged. I've written a lot about guilt in grief ~ I'm hoping that you may find one or more of these pieces helpful: Grief and the Burden of Guilt Guilt and Regret in Grief Be sure to follow the links to some of the Related Articles I've included at the base of these articles, too. Finally, you may find this interview to be of interest: Radio Interview: Segment on Pet Loss Grief and Guilt [source: ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 18, 2014 Report Share Posted April 18, 2014 A child or dog cannot replace another one...ever, but they can help fill the void. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Thank you, Kay and Marty for your continued support....Marty, I have reflected on your words, and no, I don't ever want to "get over" losing my friend, Duke...I thank you for putting that into perspective for me..I would never want to "get over" the love I have for him and the wonderful memories I shared with him...I don't know that i'll ever let go of the guilt of taking him out that day.. My husband,who loves duke as much as I do, was working on the road, a few hours away from home when duke died..I had to call him while he was working and deliver the tragic news that our beloved friend was gone.. My husband blamed me for awhile, saying that if he'd been home, he would've never taken duke out swimming that day because it was so windy.. He told me if i would've asked him, he would've said to keep duke safe at home. If only i would've asked him first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted May 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 I'm so sorry for your loss and that it had to happen that way. It's so hard to lose a pet and then to always have to say "what if" just makes it so much worse, but I feel like we all probably do that. Please don't carry the grief alone for his passing, things happen sometimes and that's all there it to it. I am so angry that the driver of the red truck didn't have the decency to stop and at least apologize. I wouldn't have blamed him for the accident, he probably couldn't have stopped, but it was his obligation as a decent human being to stop and tell you he was sorry. Years ago I had a dog who was on the opposite side of the road as me after being missing for several days and I was so glad to see her I called to her and she immediately ran into the road just as I looked and saw a car coming. It was over in seconds but the driver stopped and was very apologetic. It doesn't cost anything to be a good person but sadly too many don't care. Try to remember all the good times with Duke and maybe you could put up signs or something around your neighborhood urging drivers to watch out for pets, that might make you feel like something good came out of such a tragedy. In the end we all deal with grief in our own way, and I hope that you find a way that makes it tolerable for you. God bless you. Balto, I am so sorry to hear about jenna and misty.. I want to thank you also for the kind words, they mean so much.. losing one precious dog is so hard. I can't imagine your pain losing two.. you mentioned having your dog missing for several days, and when you found her and called out to her she ran into the road, was that your jenna? losing duke was so hard, i just wish the driver of that red truck had stopped and apologized..I know it wouldn't have made things easier, but, knowing he didn't even care to stop makes it harder because he just seen "some dog" standing on the side of the road, not knowing that this beloved animal was apart of my family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 What a wonderful picture of your Duke. As Marty said so well, we do not "get over" losses of those we love. We carry them in our hearts forever. Your post tells us how helpful Duke was to you when you lost your baby and then during this pregnancy that gave you your beautiful now 5 month old daughter. Duke walked through your loss and joy with you, sharing your deep pain and your deep joy...to me that makes losing him even more significant. Mary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 Thank you for sharing a picture of your beloved Duke, he is so beautiful! I hope you are able to put aside your husband's blame for you as this was an accident and you didn't have any idea he would run after that truck. None of us have been perfect raising our kids or our pets, some of us have lucked out better than others. I lost my precious dog Fluffy in an accident...he snuck back into my van after I let him out and I didn't know...I drove to work and it was a hot day with the windows rolled up, I didn't discover him until the end of the day. I berated myself because I was a few feet away in my office while he suffered to death, but I didn't know, I had no idea. Sometimes we try our best and it's not good enough. In hindsight I wish I'd made sure the kids saw him safely into the house, but he was used to being loose with us, he was well behaved, but it just took this once. I feel your pain. I know you'll never stop missing him, we never do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 My dear, you wrote, My husband blamed me for awhile, saying that if he'd been home, he would've never taken duke out swimming that day because it was so windy.. He told me if i would've asked him, he would've said to keep duke safe at home. If only i would've asked him first Ah, the wisdom of hindsight. All those "if onlys" do come back to haunt you, don't they? I hope by now that your husband has stopped blaming you for this terrible accident, as that can only add to the heap of guilt you're already carrying on your shoulders. Heartless as it must have felt to you, your husband's initial reaction is understandable, partly because he is only human, and when horrible things happen, we humans often feel the need for someone or something to blame ~ but clearly this was NOT intentional on your part, and I hope you both have the strength to move past this so both of you can begin to heal from this tragedy. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 I just read a powerful article that addresses this notion of guilt. I invite you to read it too: It's Not My Fault! Grief And The Fear of Failure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 I want to thank you all for your continued support...this site is really a blessing, i'm so thankful i can come here to chat about my duke....kayc, thank you for sharing that story with me, it just breaks my heart to hear about your fluffy..i wish our furry, four legged friends could live forever....i had tucked duke's toys away, but yesterday i was looking for something and came across them. The bumblebee toy i had tossed for him to fetch before i left for work that morning, the rubber bottle i had gotten for him when i was on vacation in nc, the half eaten bones i had got him for his birthday 2 weeks before he passed, the leash i had him on that horrible day, his collar with that has a bloodstain on after the accident...i would do anything to have him here again....i was at the lake a couple weeks ago, where duke is buried and a small dragonfly flew in my car, (duke was always chasing after dragonflies), i started to cry immediately, but at the same time it brought me comfort because i felt like he was there with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 i just want him back:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 it's so hard. i loved him so much. he was so young. i wish i had just kept him home that day, it was my job to protect him and i failed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 11, 2014 Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 It is weird isn't it how something can cause tears, yet comfort, at the same time. I know you want him back. Our family was crushed when we lost Fluffy, but now all these years later, I don't cry anymore, but I do still miss him. I guess our tears get cried out. In time we learn to go on, but man how hard it is in the beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted June 11, 2014 Report Share Posted June 11, 2014 It is hard. I understand. That dragonfly may have been a sign that your Duke is still with you. I still miss my Benji who suffered from seizures and his little heart could not handle it. He was my rescue dog ~a Shipperke/Poo and so full of life and so silly. I rescued him after my husband died and had him for only a year. My heart still hurts but I am going on as Kay says. We do go on. We here understand pet loss. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted July 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 1, 2014 I am so thankful for this website and for all of you that have helped me through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 1, 2014 Report Share Posted July 1, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted July 1, 2014 Report Share Posted July 1, 2014 I think we tend to forget that when each person joins us and shares their pain and loss with the rest of us, that person is helping all the others just by sharing. We feel less alone with our loss when others hear us and understand as much as it is possible to understand another's loss. So, sroles83, I thank you for sharing your story and your vulnerability and honesty. We hope you will continue to journey with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sroles83 Posted July 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted July 2, 2014 Mary, I agree with you, when others join and share their stories, that helps us.. I feel when I have nobody else to talk to about this, I know I can count on everybody here to help me through it. that means so much. you have helped me tremendously, and I will continue to journey with you to get through my hardships and to try and help others as well. -Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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