Guest jimand i Posted May 12, 2014 Report Share Posted May 12, 2014 I lost the love of my life after a long painful battle. My Jim was misdiagnosed for over three years before a diagnosis of stage four base of tongue cancer. Now after an almost three year battle he is gone. "He is gone." Those are the words the nurse spoke that sent me into a tailspin of numbness, heartbreak and wailing. I wanted to die too. I wanted everyone to leave me alone. I wanted God to raise him from the dead, like Moses. But none of those things happened. Now I sit here looking at the box of ashes that once represented Jim's life. I wish a wind would come through and blow them into a whirlwind and I could hear his voice in the chaos that is my life; or breathe in the ashes to take him into my soul. What is my purpose now? How do I move on? How can I act so strong and normal around others? Why do people ask, "How are you doing?" then say saying I am handling it well. I am not handling it well! I am dying inside. I can't even touch his socks without sobbing, wailing, losing control. Does he forgive me for taking him back to the Hospice Care Center when I knew he hated to go back there? Were those tears he shed when they wheeled him out, tears of sadness because I broke my promise to not take him back? Does did he understand I had to because I couldn't keep his pain under control by myself? That I couldn't Stand to see him suffer any more. I miss him so much! Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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