Another Lonely Year

[Charlie]

I am now entering the second year without my wonderful Charlie. Last year after losing him in October, I was still in a fog and numb. This year it is more real, the not shopping together, putting up the tree, and wondering what the grandkids wanted. He always decorated the house outside and I did the inside, we would drink eggnog and talk about when our kids were little ones and look back on all those happy christmases. Now without him Christmas has no joy, no meaning, just a holiday for happy people. When I was 23 I lost my dad 3 days before christmas and buried him on christmas eve, so christmas has always been a little hard, but now with my husband gone too, I have written christmas out of my life. I guess this is where the word scrooge comes from.

Sorry to be so down, but now another loss to bear, my daughter, married to her husband for 18 years, now at the holiday time, has told her he does not love her anymore and wants a divorce. She will be suffering a different but the same kind of loss and here we go again, another painful year. She was just starting to feel like she could laugh again after losing her wonderful dad and now the pain starts again.

We are asking ourselves, what is Gods plan?

Edited December 16, 2005 by Charlie

[ustwo]

I'm am so sorry there are so many of us suffering through this holiday season. It's been 6 months and 4 days since Gene lost his battle with CHF. And I too am so lost...so without purpose....so empty inside. I lost my Mother suddenly in March this year and then Gene in June. They lay next to each other. My youngest son (34) drove home the day after his Father's funeral for 17 hrs straight only to discover his wife was leaving him the moment they drove into the driveway. I have 4 children but this son and I have had to lean and support each other daily. We've cried together a lot but we will go on. Family was first for Gene always. He knew he left a family behind that would hold on to each other...support each other...get through the bad times together. I know your pain and how hard it is to see your child hurting when you are trying to cope with your own deep loss. I don't know how but somehow we are living through it. I've decided life is cruel sometimes. I'm shedding tears everyday and the anxiety gets worse as the clock ticks closer to Christmas. But Gene and I have grandchildren...little ones. Gene won't be Santa this year but I will find the strenght to take his place...for his little ones he'll never have the chance to teach to fish and love life as he did.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry for your daughter. Hang on to each other. It is a reason for you to be here. It doesn't fill the emptiness but your daughter needs you as much as you need her. Christmas doesn't really matter. The fabric of your family is all that matters. It's your Charlie's legacy......his and your family. You and your daugher hold on to each other tightly.

I wish you a moment of Peace.

Always Gene!

Always!

[charlieslove]

Charlie.

I lost my Charlie a little over a year ago, too. He was 46. This is my 2nd Christmas without him and I totally agree about last Christmas....I was in a fog and don't really even remember it. Last Christmas, he had only been gone for about 40 days, so yes, I truly was in a stupor. My family will say something about what happened last Christmas or who was there and I can't even remember it. This year has definately been more depressing!!! I find myself crying alot more.

I too have grandchildren and they are what holds me together. I just "do" Christmas for them.....Putting up the tree and decorating by yourself is just a motion - there is NO Emotion. (well, maybe sadness)

I truly hope you have the best Christmas possible. I know that is asking a lot, but just do the best you can to get through the holidays. My thoughts are with you and of course, everyone here.

My best to all of you.

Patti

To MY Charlie... I love you with all my heart, all my life and beyond.

06/10/58 - 11/16/04

[Charlie]

Patti,

I chose the name Charlie for my log in name because my Charlie was the love of my life and using his name still makes him a small part of me. Like you last year was a fog, he passed away Oct 20, 2004 and I cannot believe that now another Christmas is here without him.

So sorry that you lost your husband so young, My Charlie was 66 and I thought he was being cheated out of life dying so young, but 46, how awful.

I pray that we get thru this year and the pain get less.

Grace

[charlieslove]

Grace. I just realized that you are in Phoenix. I'm in AZ, too. I work in Avondale and live in Buckeye. We should try to get together. I actually attend a get together for widows and widowers (it's just lunch...) every 3rd Sat. You should come one Sat. I would VERY much like to meet you. There is only a few of us that attend regularly, but we'd LOVE to have you come. It's at Applebee's at Central & Camelback at 1pm each 3rd Sat. Let me know if you're interested.

Take care.

Patti

[Charlie]

Dear Patti,

I would love to meet with you and other widows and widowers. This is such a lonely place we live in now, it helps to have friends who know the hurt first hand.

My daughter lives just off Camelback and 32nd St, so I know the area well.

You can email me at the address below if you would like to talk further, and I will make a point to try and come to the lunch.

Grace

geb@direcway.com

[charlieslove]

Grace. The address is 2 E. Camelback Rd. Like I said, it's right on the corner of Camelback Rd. and Central. Any 3rd Saturday at 1 pm - we would love to see you there!!!

You can email me at pzusman@aol.com if you want to let me know you're coming. There are only a few of us, but we all try to come each month.

Best wishes!!

Patti

[Grace]

So many of us are struggling on ordinary days. It does seem impossible to get through the next week. My dear friend and husband of 26 years died a year and a half ago. Last year I think I was so distracted working full time in a very demanding job with too many vacancies in my department. Probably was numb. I do not remember much about last year this time.

We had plans for things we would do when I retired last January. So, retirement was set and it was time to move on to some other job and my best friend was dead. I still do not have a job and cannot even imagine finding any work. People tell me to do the job that I always wanted to do but couldn't. I had the job I always wanted. Now I have nothing and I do not even care. Just worry about putting one foot in front of the other and pretend everythign is ok. Maybe if I pretend long enough it will become true. Does it work that way?

[Charlie]

Dear Grace,

We share the same name, as if there was any Grace left in our lives !!!

I know your feelings of where am I going in life. I started a new job in Jan, 2005, 3 months after my Charlie died, just so I would have something to do and not sit around and cry all the time. This job is something I never did before and I really love it. Totally out of the career I once had. A job very demanding hourly, working weekends, holidays, etc so I am really busy. Hospitals do not close on weekends and holidays. I would have never taken a job like this when my husband was alive because I would have been away from him too much, but now it is good therapy for me. I had already been retired for 3 1/2 years so going back to work got a little getting used to. What I am trying to relay to you is go back out there in the work force, find something new and exciting and try to make a new life for yourself. Sounds easy, it is not, but staying in that lonley, sad place of grief will eat you up inside and then you become a victim too of the illness or circumstances that took your loved one.

I hope you find your way out of this lonely place and find purpose again.

Grace