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Very good, and I was just talking (in loss of spouse section) about how important it is to practice gratefulness!

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Thank you.  You always find just the perfect thing for us.

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Guided Imagery guru Belleruth Naparstek of Health Journeys has held her first online "hangout" featuring a panel discussion of guided imagery and how to use it. Fortunately for us, the video is available on YouTube. Allow one hour and watch it here: 

Edited by MartyT

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A really informative and helpful interview by Open to Hope's Heidi and Gloria Horsley, featuring Dr. Fred Luskin on the matter of forgiveness:

FRED LUSKIN: THE IMPORTANCE OF FORGIVENESS IN GRIEF

Written by Fred Luskin on Sunday, September 27, 2015

Dr. Fred Luskin talks with Drs. Gloria and Heidi Horsley about forgiveness, and how necessary it is for healing. Depending on the circumstances surrounding a death, forgiveness can seem impossible at first (such as in the case of a murder). However, it’s important to note that forgiveness does not require two people. You don’t need to tell the person you’ve forgiven them—that’s reconciliation. Dr. Luskin lost his daughter in a car crash, and his wife died several years ago. He specializes in forgiveness, and says it’s key to healing from your grief.

“Forgiveness seems to be a place where people get stuck,” says Dr. Gloria Horsley. People get angry at the person who was drinking and driving (killing their loved one), doctors, hospice care, and more. It can fester, and it’s common for people to still talk about people who wronged them decades later. Dr. Luskin says that once he explains what his idea of forgiveness is, he’s told “I don’t like the name for that.” It’s easy to blame and hold on tight to pain.

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a way of acknowledging that really painful things happen, but then you move on. “You have to forgive when you die, because it all goes away anyway!” says Dr. Luskin. However, know that different offenses require more time depending on what’s been done. For example, if someone cuts you off, you might be angry for ten seconds. If you get fired, you might be angry for ten days. However, brains are wired so that if you repeat the same thoughts/feelings about how terrible it is, it creates pathways you can’t escape.

You become a prisoner of your own negativity, he explains. It ends up hurting only you, which is a pointless effort.

Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/Px2UWAAojng

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That is so true!  I've seen what unforgiveness can do, it changes people!  I don't want someone who wronged me to have the power to change me negatively, so I recognize how important it is to forgive.  I'm suspicious of any "forgiveness" that is quick and glib, because I've known it to sometimes be a process, particularly when the offense was horrific and the wounds are deep.  It is that letting go process that is the pathway of forgiveness.  Some people have the wrong idea about what forgiveness is, and therefore think it's impossible.  Sometimes it helps to understand first what forgiveness isn't before they are receptive to the idea of forgiveness.

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Oh Anne. I just took a half-hour to watch this video featuring our friend and colleague, Megan Devine. I wish every one of our members would take the time to watch it. It is just outstanding ~ and it left me in tears. Such a powerful message about grief ~ a pain that is "really hard to witness" and a pain that cannot be fixed. She says that for those who care for the bereaved, this pain is "a call to courage," and that we "need to learn to bear witness." 

What a treat, too, to hear Megan's beautiful voice! Thank you SO much for finding this and sharing it with us! 

Edited by MartyT
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Yes, Marty, this video is one of the best I've seen. I was drawn into it and liked what she had to say. I too was moved by her message and it reminded me of the grief writing course that she offered a while back. I know a few of us took the course and it is something I go back to.

There are so many "tools" for us to help us on our new paths. No matter what the loss we all hurt and are looking for some comfort or at least acknowledgement of our grief. I hope our members take the time to listen to this video also. 

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I know this is an older post and thread, but I hadn't been around enough to read through it all until now. LOVED that presentation by Megan Devine. Thanks so much for including it here, Anne!

I always used to say that my furchildren, Sabin and Nissa, bore witness to my life, as I did to theirs - all our shared and individual pains, joys, and everything in between - and spoke of how essential that was to creating and maintaining the unearthly level of love between us. But it wasn't always that easy to describe what-all "bearing witness" encompassed, nor to explain exactly why it was so powerful. Megan has given voice to that very well. -_-

This has also remained one of the largest pieces of my loss of them - no one to "bear witness" to my own life and its trials anymore....not in the expert way they did, at any rate. But having experienced this firsthand for so many precious years, it became yet another one of their amazing teachings and legacies to me, and one of the main reasons I prefer to allow others (and myself) to talk as needed, before offering up any "tools," or not even offering any up at all, depending. We all need to truly be heard, no matter the grief/loss/problem. 

I feel that with nonhuman beings especially, one can often more viscerally feel the power and healing effects of their open allowance for both their own, and our, pain. They are Masters of Bearing Witness. 

Some of my favourite things Megan said in this talk, were:

"When you try to fix someone’s pain, you don’t actually make it better. You just tell them it’s not okay to talk about their pain.”

And, “You can’t fix someone’s pain by trying to take it away from them...(Acknowledgement) comes up beside pain as a companion, not a solution."

Thanks again -- WELL worth 1/2 hr. of my time to listen!

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Very good quotes, Mayliss.  I have found it's important to not discount what people feel, for their feelings are valid.  It's important we hear them and try to understand.

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I especially liked the "go" with the dog flying by! :)  Simple...and true.

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I just watched this excellent video on sibling loss ~ it is well worth the 30 minutes. Click on Episode 37: Sibling Loss on the YouTube.com link below to view it.

And congratulation to the Sibling Loss cable show for being nominated for the Western Access Excellence Award (WAVE) Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley.

Thrilled to announce that our Sibling Loss cable show has been nominated for the Western Access Excellence Award (WAVE). This is the first Sibling Loss show ever nominated! A huge shout out to sibling guests, Jordon Ferber & Keith Michael & to my cousin Colette Call Lofgren who wrote the powerful sibling loss song along with her brother Michael, who tragically died shortly after this show was filmed. The sibling voice is finally being recognized & acknowledged! Our siblings continue to be our guiding lights, and we keep their memories alive!

 
On this show, Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Heidi Horsley discuss with comedian Jordon Feber and Keith Singer the impact of the loss of their siblings and how th...
YOUTUBE.COM

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It IS excellent, Anne ~ Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us here. I hope everyone using the Loss of a Sibling forum will take the time to watch it. 

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This is so worth watching. Bookmark it to watch later if you do not have an hour. Caregiving and the need to care for yourself. It could be mandatory watching  for all of us.

 

  

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I loved the part about the septic tank!

 

I just finished listening to this, it was really good!  I esp. liked what he took us through at the end, it was interesting to see our priorities begin to shift...

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I love this message and even in her death, Darcie continues to inspire me. Yesterday would have been her birthday.

 

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This video was an epiphany for me last night when I was trolling you tube search for answers and truth.  This person spoke to the core of my struggle with continuing after the loss of my life.  Hang in through the end.  The title did not do this video justice.  I almost did not click on it to watch. I am glad I did.

 

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Coming soon - June 22nd - I marked my calendar. 

National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization Hosts Congressional Film Screening Featuring Dr. Atul Gawande to Encourage Dialogue about Advance Care Planning

http://www.nhpco.org/press-room/press-releases/nhpco-hosts-congressional-film-screening-being-mortal  

 

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